To ignore a stammer.

[SummerHouse]

DS 1 is five. His stammer disappeared overnight 6 months ago and came back in the same way last week.

I am utterly torn. As the NHS waiting time was so long, we saw a private therapist. Then we thought we may as well see the NHS therapist as well.

Each gave a totally opposite approach.

1. ignored it. Never correct it or draw attention to it. Make sure others don't. Minimise situations that make it worse. He will grow out of it.

2. the lidcombe technique. 1 in 4 stammers get him to repeate stammered word. Praise "smooth" talking. Point out "bumpy" talking.

We tried this for 6 weeks or so before the stammer disappeared. I found it a continual struggle in terms of questioning myself that it was right.

I have no issue with the stammer other than it might bother him in the future and life is tough enough.

My heart says to ignore it. Has anyone any experience?

Hi there, I'm a Speech and Language Therapist. A couple of questions:

• is your DS aware of his stammer? Does he get upset by it? Does he know that other people know he stammers?
• is there any history in your family or his dad's family of stammering?

My advice would be to not ignore it. Get a referral back to the NHS service, I know the waiting lists are long, but its unlikely he will 'grow out of it' and the older a child gets, the harder a stammer can be to treat.

Just out of interest, who did the Lidcombe approach with you - NHS or private therapist?

There are other alternatives like

www.starfishproject.co.uk/about-starfish-project.htm

It ignores the "why" and concentrates on how to speak fluently. I did a similar course which is much more adult centric. This I think is more "learnable" by a child.

This is not about the wrong or rights about the course versus speech therapy just an alternative view that I wish I had when I was that age.

Thank you lotta. So glad for your reply. He is aware I think because I think he tries to hide it with deliberate stammers on words that he would normally stammer on or make a song out of it. He is not upset by it I think he is just experimenting with it. I don't think he thinks that anyone else knows and its new to us again as we have had this 6 month break. My brother had a stammer as a child. He does not think he stammers now and nor do I but my sister thinks he does when under stress.

It was the private therapist who advised lidcombe. I was mightily impressed with her which led me to believe her approach was right. But she is about 40 miles away so the logistics and the cost is tricky. I think I will contact her again. In my heart of hearts I knew it would come back and I want to feel we have done all we can although I have a sinking feeling as I write this. It feels like with every correction I am saying "you are not doing this right, you are not perfect"... And he is perfect! And he hates being wrong.

Thank you Edmund I will look at that. I read a book called "out with it" which is brilliant by the way (a biography of a woman with a stammer) and I think she mentioned that approach.

Well since you have a family history and your DS is aware of it, although not upset by it, definitely don't ignore it. Think of it this way - your DS has a difficulty and he needs you (and the other close adults in his life) to help him manage it. Lidcombe deliberately uses words like 'smooth' and 'bumpy' rather than 'good' and 'bad' to avoid any kind of judgement of the child's speech.

Also be aware of your own anxiety about his talking (which is understandable) and try really hard not to communicate that to him. For now, just carry on with the NHS advice - allow him extra time to talk when he needs it, don't describe his talking or draw any attention to his stammer. Be as cool as possible about it. Good luck

We did lidcombe with a private SALT and DS' stammer has gone completely. It took a few months and came back when we stopped the speech therapy briefly, but how is he clear and fluent and we've not have any SALT for a good 3/4 months.

Thank you lotta I appreciate your advice. When we saw our NHS therapist I asked about lidcombe and she said its only advised in extreme cases where, for example, a child is refusing to speak. Is that right in your experience?

Thank you karoleann. My head says this is the way to go. Its just a shame our private therapist is so far away.

Ds (7) has a word final dysfluency (basically a stammer at the end of the word, not the beginning) and it is always worse when he is under stress.

He has phases of it and then stops for a while then he starts again.

He doesn't seem too bothered by it - it's other things that bother him, the stammer is only a symptom.

I hope he will grow out of it like a child grows out of a security blanket.

Not quite the same as he can usually make himself understood, it just takes a while to finish iyswim.

The best approach is a mixture of all.

The best solution for your DS would be able to speak fluently under all environments. However if there are a few slips ups to deal with him normally. Think of speaking as a sport. No one tennis player is perfect all the time and make mistakes (double faults and unforced errors). Treat them like a normal person. Let them do things for themselves. (Answering phone/ordering food) just as anyone their age would do.

It should never be a taboo subject. The more you discuss the more they are free to talk about it.

The best advice is from someone they can relate to. Another stammerer who has got over it. (Same reason as why AA members mentor). It can be patronising from someone who has never had one (That comment is obv not just related to stammers but all subjects where anyone is suffering/asking for advice)

Thank you lotta I appreciate your advice. When we saw our NHS therapist I asked about lidcombe and she said its only advised in extreme cases where, for example, a child is refusing to speak. Is that right in your experience

Not true. Our NHS therapist used Lidcombe with my daughter. It worked very well.

'When we saw our NHS therapist I asked about lidcombe and she said its only advised in extreme cases where, for example, a child is refusing to speak'

Not the case in my experience. Where i worked previously, the stammering specialist used it with nearly every child who was age 5 and over

Thank you to all for your replies. I feel better equipped with knowledge and ready to see where this takes us. I think I was ready to bury our heads in the sand but that's not going to help.

Hi. Stammerer here. I stammered as a child and still do. The most important thing my parents did for me was make me see that if it made other people feel uncomfortable or other people teased me it was their problem, not mine.

I give not one fuck if I stammer or not. I don't have a problem with public speaking and did a performing arts degree.

Lavenderice - I presume you did some therapy rather then rely totally on not caring what others thought?

Lavenderice, I don't know if that's a technique you learned but it is a actually a real thing - stammering fluently. The idea is that you don't try to stop yourself stammering, you just aim to become as relaxed as possible about it and work your way through it when you need to. Obviously much easier for adults to get their heads around than children.

And your parents were quite right - anyone who is pathetic enough to make fun of someone because of the way they talk deserves a cup of cold sick in the face (in my professional opinion )

Yes I did have some speech therapy when I was a child, it didn't help one bit. It was in the early 80's, I'm sure things have moved on a bit.

I'm an NHS speech therapist and our trust offers Lidcombe as standard if a child is over 4 or if they are under 4 and have been stammering for over 6 months despite parents using general strategies to try and reduce it. Please go back to a s&l therapist. Lidcombe is the most successful approach I have come across for early stammerers and in many cases can essentially 'cure' a stammer. I'm shocked that there would still be therapists using the 'ignore it and it will go away' approach and sad for the children in those areas who miss out on the chance to get rid of their stammer.

Did the therapist not suggest that the stammer would come back? We were told it was likely to come back when starting school and when new sibling arrived -eg times of stress (it didn't but does occasionally when he's v tired).

Also when we had lidcombe therapy for ds there was a specific programme of weekly appts then after 3 and 6 months so she could check on progress and that he'd remained fluent.

From recollection we were told that if it did come back to go back into mode of consciously praising smooth speech for 10 minutes a day, then if that didn't clear it up quickly to then start to comment on 'bumpy speech during the same slot.

Right I am totally clear now that I will use the lidcombe approach. I will use the private therapist again and just make it work. In the meantime I will re-refer to NHS and raise the response I got initially. Not for a second do I blame the NHS system but the therapist I got did not instill any confidence in me at all. She sent us away saying he would grow out of it and discharged him. She also must have called the wrong nursery about him as she named someone I have never heard of and said they had never noticed a stammer. It was nursery who raised it with me and made me refer him in the first place! At least I have found a therapist that I am very happy with its just a shame she is so far away and expensive. I will speak to my partner but I know that's the way I want to go. Thank you so much for the replies. I am glad I posted.

I am a Speech and Language Therapist and have a nearly six year old with a moderate stammer. I am taking the approach that Lavenderice's folks took. I did a lot of adult stammering work in my training with Trudy Stewart and Jackie Turnbull in Leeds whose whole philosophy was acceptance based, but with fluency shaping for anyone who wanted it. At the moment he has no awareness and moderately frequent easy repetitions on a wide range of words and sounds, but in no way does it impede him saying what he wants to aay when he wants to say it.

My worry would always be shame. Shame thrives on secrecy, silence and judgement. He won't get any of this at home but I can't control the outside world and their judgements. I can support his relisience in th face of it.

My issue with intervening is it isn't currently a problem for him, and it certainly isn't for us. I am not in favour of any intervention that in anyway categorises stammering speech as less worthy or less desirable than fluent such, because it's not my judgement to make and certainly not one I want to introduce into his life.

Sorry I cross posted with you.

Oh my. I agree with every word you say duplo and it sets me back to square one. My head says intervene with lidcombe. My heart says why? I will take a few days to think on it.

I wouldn't ignore it. But I would be really careful how you handle it. Make time for them, don't finish a sentence for them and show you listen.

I think that psychology, nervousness and anxiety are big causes. Recognising it's an issue but not advising them - like slow down etc doesn't help.

It's a really hard thing to have. And it's hard for a parent to see a child who is struggling.

This was a recent thread on it.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2334991-Does-your-child-stammer-Watching-Kings-Speech?pg=1

Lots of advice and experience.