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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to actively toilet train my ds?

42 replies

KindergartenKop · 07/04/2015 22:14

So previously, at age 2.4 and 2.6, I have spent a few days trying to toilet train ds with absolutely no success. Wee all over everywhere every time. He keeps saying he will do his wees and poos on the toilet when he is three. That is his answer to any toilet trying related questions. Now he is about to turn three, we have a party planned so he will know he's had his birthday.

Would you wait for him to ask to give up nappies, use toilet etc or would you say 'Right you said you would use the toilet when you're three so here are your pants and there are no more nappies'.

OP posts:

corgiology · 07/04/2015 22:27

Why the rush?

It will happen when he is ready. No need to pressurise :)

KwaziisEyepatch · 07/04/2015 22:29

The latter. Talk about it in advance: 'oh ds, you're 3 next week, won't it be great not to wear nappies any more' etc, so he knows what's coming. Buy him some amazing pants with his favourite character on as a birthday present. Then the morning after his birthday (I wouldn't risk ruining the day itself with potty training) just put pants on him when he gets up in the morning. Remove all nappies from sight. It's non-negotiable as far as you're concerned that he wears pants because he's 3. There will be rebellion and mess but you need to give it a proper chance to work - have a few days without going out much so he can get used to it and your life is easier.

We've just potty trained ds2 over easter, he's 2.6. He was not a fan at all on day 1 but we stuck it out and reassured him any accidents didn't matter, and he's flying now. We trained ds1 by going on holiday to Scotland for a week and telling him that they don't have nappies there!

scarletforya · 07/04/2015 22:29

I would as soon as the party is over. He probably will wee everywhere at first. Try a sticker chart.

no73 · 07/04/2015 22:31

Not sure, I sat my DS on a potty everyday from the age of 9 months so he was used to it and he was dry by 19 months.

mindthegap79 · 07/04/2015 22:47

no73 I'm intrigued. How often and was it after meals/big drinks?

Steppeoneggs · 07/04/2015 22:52

Actually me nephew did exactly this. I am not potty training, I will do it when I am 3.

So 1 week before his 3rd birthday my SIL bought the last pack of nappies. She told him, showing them to him and said after these run out, you have to use the potty.

he did, from day one, very few accidents!

Rosieposy4 · 07/04/2015 22:55

Child 2 did this, refused point blank to wear pants, went to his 3 rd birthday party in nappies (old school, was very unusual then ) but had said he would wear pants when he was three.
Did pants from the following day, essentially no issues and was dry and clean during the day almost immediately.

TheCowThatLaughs · 07/04/2015 22:55

My friend's little boy also said he would use the toilet at 3, and he was as good as his word

Aeroflotgirl · 07/04/2015 23:20

Wish ds 3.3 years was clean and dry, 1.5 weeks into potty training, wee and poo everywhere .

LokiBear · 07/04/2015 23:32

My dd decided herself. One day just insisted she was using the toilet. Aside from the 2 occasions when she deliberately wet/pooped herself (first time: she threw a tantrum over something, pulled her pants down and weed on the floor right in front of me. The second time she just pooped on the settee and found it hilarious ) we had very few genuine accidents. She was only just 2 but decided she was ready. I'd go with your ds.

DisappointedOne · 07/04/2015 23:34

Look up "potty learning". Kids can have lots of problems if you force them to potty train.

MaudGonneAway · 07/04/2015 23:34

DS just grasped toilet training overnight at about 2.5, with almost no input from me, so no advice on that. But we did decide to use his 3rd birthday as the prompt for him to give up his bedtime dummy, and talked about how 3 year olds didn't need them anymore, and how the dummy fairy would bring him a small toy he really wanted in exchange. He was so excited about it that he decided he wanted to do it a fortnight before his birthday, and he hasn't looked back.

So I think a 'grown up' landmark like a birthday can be very useful. Kwazi's advice on specifics seems good to me. Good luck! He might surprise you.

dippylongstocking · 08/04/2015 00:11

My DD did that too! What is it about kids and their 3rd birthday?

The day after her birthday she came into my bedroom at stupid o'clock, proudly showing me that she had 'big-girl peppa knickers' on. She'd managed to put them on sideways, so her hips were being squished by a leg-hole, but at least she'd tried. (A couple of hours later I thought to ask what she had done with her overnight nappy, and she showed me where she had shoved it under her sleeping brother's pillow - yuck!)

Its been a month and she's had occasional accidents, of course, but now she only wears a nappy at bedtime (which I'm thinking of doing away with) and on long car journeys.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/04/2015 00:15

I'd give him the chance to prove it, but not be hard line about it. :)

DS1 was pooing on the loo by then but didn't come out of nappies until he was 3.10 (he was in pull ups for several months) because he absolutely could not tell when he needed to wee. And then he suddenly could, so in a week he was sorted. He stayed in pull ups over night for a while, but no problems - the only accidents he had were when he wasn't reminded to go to the loo right before bedtime, and if he got over-involved playing with something and left it too long, then weed as soon as he stood up. Not often though.

DustyCropHopper · 08/04/2015 00:56

My friend told her dd that once she was three they would not let her on the plane in nappies and they were going on holiday a few days after her 3rd birthday, so they agreed that as of the 1st day of her birthday month (about a fortnight before the holiday) she would wear knickers. They talked about it a lot up until and on the last day of the month and on the 1st she walked into their bedroom with her knickers and said knickers today. They never looked back. I would prepare him, talk about it with him and go for it, it may just work.

Blueskybrightstar · 08/04/2015 07:37

I like your DS, little dude knows what he wants. We waited til 3 with our DS and it was really easy as he was ready and it actually made hi. More confident as he felt really good at it/grown up. Bet your DS will be the same.

fulltothebrim · 08/04/2015 07:42

My kids were both 3 too, almost to the day. They just decided no more nappies, and that was it- straight to the toilet. Easy peasy.

memememum · 08/04/2015 08:43

YABU

You have spent a few days before: that is far too short a time, it's normal to have accidents at first.

"would you say 'Right you said you would use the toilet when you're three so here are your pants and there are no more nappies'"
Saying it won't make it happen.

"Would you wait for him to ask to give up nappies, use toilet etc"
It's your job to watch for signs of readiness, not his job to ask (although showing a positive interest is one of the signs to look out for).

It sounds from your post as if you are just choosing a time to train based on you wanting to do it, rather than your child actually being ready. Being impatient and setting ultimatums is likely to cause him frustration and upset and to turn it into a disciplinary and power issue rather than a learning process.

angstridden2 · 08/04/2015 08:54

Hands up as old school/old lady as well! Most NT children were out of nappies by just over 2 at latest. Spent a week with friend and same age child not moving far from home and a big box of Smarties - DC1 trained in a week. DC2 just weed in potty just after 2 (2 yrs + 1 month maybe), announced 'done it' and that was the end of it. Why is it all such a big deal these days and can't be attempted until 3? I do feel having disposables which are so easy is a big factor - nappy buckets were vile!
Would mention that neither child seems to have any particular lavatory related hangups as far as I can tell in spite of being toilet trained 'so early'!

fulltothebrim · 08/04/2015 08:57

Well one reason to wait is that you don't have to train. Kids do it themselves a lot of the time.

My kids didn't even have a potty= straight to the toilet with no "training" involved.

duplodon · 08/04/2015 09:00

We tried a few times with ds1 between 2 and 3, it didn't work and he was really very anxious about it, poo holding at nursery, distraught at accidents. The rest of my friends had their kids done shortly after 2. When he was maybe 3;1, it happened in a matter of days and he was dry day and night within a week. By 4 and 5, many of the rest of his peers who had trained earlier were still in pull ups or having accidents at night, were poo holding at school and needed adults to wipe their bums much more than he did. Slow and steady worked well for us.

VirginiaTonic · 08/04/2015 09:02

It might not just 'happen'? Three is plenty old enough to toilet train! Why would you want to wait for your child to toilet train himself, when they can do it much younger with help and encouragement?

duplodon · 08/04/2015 09:03

Angst ridden before disposables or even good quality cloth nappies, kids would have also been able to feel their own wetness as discomfort much more readily, they did a wee or poo and they knew about it immediately. Disposables and new gen cloth nappie mean those cues aren't there in the same way so it's a very different process.

VirginiaTonic · 08/04/2015 09:03

Think of all the nappies you can save on!

angstridden2 · 08/04/2015 09:22

Disposables may be more comfortable but it does seem strange that the nursery nurses where I worked got children with parents who said 'they weren't ready' at out of nappies within a couple of weeks. They just kept at it, children saw the others using potties and caught on pretty quickly unless there were real reasons for delay.

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