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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to actively toilet train my ds?

42 replies

KindergartenKop · 07/04/2015 22:14

So previously, at age 2.4 and 2.6, I have spent a few days trying to toilet train ds with absolutely no success. Wee all over everywhere every time. He keeps saying he will do his wees and poos on the toilet when he is three. That is his answer to any toilet trying related questions. Now he is about to turn three, we have a party planned so he will know he's had his birthday.

Would you wait for him to ask to give up nappies, use toilet etc or would you say 'Right you said you would use the toilet when you're three so here are your pants and there are no more nappies'.

OP posts:

duplodon · 08/04/2015 09:27

Nursery actually told us to stop! I don't think there was any real reason behind it. He just never seemed that sensitive to his nappies either. The other two were always keen to let you know their discomfort even as tiny wee ones, but he would have sat in a dirty nappy all day and all night, we got wise to needing to check it very regularly on long car journeys as he wouldn't show any signs of needing changing. He is nearly six now and no apparent differences to any of his friends.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/04/2015 09:28

My Ds1 was in cloth nappies during the day, actually...

I have a friend whose Ds has been "toilet trained" since he turned 2 - she needs to take at least 3 changes of clothes out for him every time they go anywhere as he has daily "accidents". That's not trained, IMO.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 08/04/2015 09:30

DS's nursery wouldn't let non-toilet trained children up into the next age group if they weren't out of nappies at 2.9...that gave us a good goal to work towards and it was fine.

ChristyMooreRocks · 08/04/2015 09:34

Yes, I am dubious about the whole 'waiting until they are ready' thing as well. I think I would sill be waiting for my DS if I left him to it. Yes the first couple of days were quite stressful for all involved, but then again, he was changing the habit of a lifetime so it probably was a bit uncomfortable for him. However, within a few days he had cracked it and we never looked back.

I have a friend whose DS is never allowed out of his 'comfort zone' and is never pushed to do anything he is 100% enthusiastic about. Consequently, among other things, it is increasingly looking like he might be starting reception in nappies.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/04/2015 09:40

I am going to keep at it with ds, like I did with dd, after 3 weeks, she took herself to the toilet and was dry ever since. There is no going back, he's 3.3 years. He continues his pre school next week, hopefully seeing all his friends in the toilet will encourage him.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/04/2015 09:43

Dd has ASD, ds does not, if she can do it, he most certainly can. After all it can take time, breaking a lifetime habit.

Bunnyjo · 08/04/2015 09:59

I let my DC take the lead when it came to potty training.

DD was day and night dry in 10 days at 2.5; she had shown signs of readiness before she turned 2, but contracted rotavirus and ended up being admitted to hospital. She suffered the effects of rotavirus for a few months after being discharged, so I wanted to make sure she was completely ready before trying again.

DS was day and night dry in 3 days at 3.1; we had tried at 2.5 and 2.9 because he wanted to be like his big sister, but he simply wasn't ready and got distressed because he was having accidents (maybe getting to the potty around 50% of the time). I would have persevered, but DS didn't like having accidents so we stopped until he was more ready.

Anecdotally I agree with duplodon; DS will be 4 next month - many of his friends are not night dry and some are unreliable during the day, yet the parents will say they have been potty trained for years. Waiting until DC were ready definitely worked for us.

MiaowTheCat · 08/04/2015 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Uhplistrailer · 08/04/2015 10:08

When he's in nappies, is he doing a full wee?

Switch to cheaper nappies that are thinner and see if he can hold it for at least an hour. It needs to come out in a flood, not in little bits.

Is he perhaps nervous of the toilet? I really hate the idea of potties, but DS2 is extremely nervous of the toilet so he'll probably have to start on a potty.

I think you need to wait until he's ready, but not necessarily until he asks for it. He needs to be emotionally and physically ready, then say, 'right, we're wearing pants now!'

ChristyMooreRocks · 08/04/2015 10:15

After all it can take time, breaking a lifetime habit.

Yes, this.

I remember last year I went to a festival - it was pissing rain and the toilets were miles away so my friend gave me one of those Travel John things so I could go in the tent. I just could not use it! It just felt too strange and I ended up getting in a bit of a flap because I couldn't go! Eventually, I did, but I hated it - and I found that going to the loo in a way you are not used to is actually really uncomfortable (I have never been able to 'squat in the woods' or go in the sea as other people seem to be able to!), and realised that this was probably how DS felt when I was asking him to go to the toilet in a completely different way than he had done his whole life up to then.

Of course, some people are not bothered by such things as going to the loo in places other than an actual toilet, in the same way that some children just switch to the toilet with no trouble. But I just dot think that it's true that all children will just 'train themselves' if left to it. Some will definitely need some sweets and stickers encouragement to do it.

no73 · 08/04/2015 11:43

mindthegap79 I'd been to China and over there the babies/kids wear special shorts with a gap in and the parents/family hold the child and whistle when they wee so they associate whistling with wee'ing and they are toilet trained really early. It was bizarre to see at first.

Anyway so when I came back I used to put my DS on his potty 3-5 times a day depending how busy I was and play, chat etc with him and then go crazy (clapping etc) when he did a wee/poo. It meant he was used to sitting on the potty and having a poo before he really knew what was going on IYSWIM.

My mum had us all potty trained really early to get us out of the square terry nappies and did the same thing from 6 months but had failed to tell me that before I started doing it. Most kids poo at roughly the same time of day and I would have had him trained earlier if I didn't work and could have put more time in.

It was very, very easy and there was no drama :)

RaggyAnnie · 08/04/2015 19:17

So 10 months of potty training no73? You must be very patient.

fleurdelacourt · 09/04/2015 13:17

if he's said he'll do it age 3 then personally I'd go for it - along the lines everyone has suggested. let him choose the pants and make a big thing of what a big boy he is etc.

I never waited for specific signs from my 2 - just went ahead and did it - when they were 2.6 and then 2.0 and they were both fine - took only a few days. So much nicer then nappies for all concerned?

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 09/04/2015 13:50

How long until he is 3? If eight, nine weeks away, fine, may as well wait. I agree with the pp saying to give him pants for his birthday etcetera too

If he will go straight to the toilet rather than a potty, that would be great (and worth "waiting" a bit longer for)

no73 · 10/04/2015 09:30

raggyanne not really I just sat him on it and he played with toys or I read to him. More so he was used to a potty than anything else and if he happened to go I congratulated him. Then he just started to ask for it.

flamingtoaster · 10/04/2015 09:44

I let DS and DD choose when to come out of nappies. From about two and a half I would offer nappies or pants every month or so and they were both around 3 when they chose pants. They each had one accident. The interesting thing is that they then needed to go to the toilet much less often than some of their friends who had been "trained" and DS got quite cross at nursery school at being asked every half hour if he needed to go to the toilet. This longer gap between needing to find a toilet was wonderful on days out.

Kittymum03 · 10/04/2015 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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