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AIBU?

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Original poster

To buy tracking devices for my kids?

59 replies

Lesausage · 07/04/2015 21:43

I lost my first son over 13 yrs ago and I have two dc now 3 and 4. I'm terrified that anything can happen to them and they are always in mine or dh care/sight etc but they start going to nursery every day for 3 hours soon and I want to buy these

It would give me piece of mind and dh agrees a bit if only to make me less on a loon but I can't help thinking it's a bit OTT, has anyone ever used them?

Please be gentle

OP posts:
drbonnieblossman · 07/04/2015 22:53

On the one hand if they make you feel better, so it.

But on the other, do you think it could make your anxieties worse - loss of battery life type of thing?

Understandably this obviously runs deep for you but I'm not sure this is going to solve your worries.

glampinggaloshes · 08/04/2015 00:49

WAtch out for the Tinitell.com
That's what I'll be ordering

Ehhn · 08/04/2015 06:48

Whilst I understand why you are doing this, or thinking of it, from a clinical perspective, if it doesn't provide the comfort you require, your anxiety may drive you to introduce ever more restrictive practices. You will need to find strategies to manage your anxiety that will allow your children to develop their freedom gradually (obviously not at 3 or 4 years old!!). If this proves to be one of them, fantastic, but (I know from anxiety issues), the irrationality of anxiety can override practical solutions.

Mistigri · 08/04/2015 07:04

I agree with the PP.

Often this type of device can make anxiety worse, by encouraging constant focus on it, or in case of malfunction. I'm not an anxious parent, but not being able to contact a child on, say, a mobile phone is actually more worrying than if you knew they didn't have a phone in the first place. (I'm sure my parents' generation worried less even though children were more at risk in many situations).

Whatever you choose to do (and of course your anxiety is completely understandable, and nursery is a big step for you) please make sure that you get help and support, so that your children are able to develop their independence normally.

Mehitabel6 · 08/04/2015 07:21

I would forget about that idea and get professional help for your anxiety. Your children need to develop independence normally. If you don't get some counselling you are going to have huge problems when they are old enough to be out and about in their own. I would expect teenagers to refuse to have a tracking device.

Hakluyt · 08/04/2015 07:22

I can see why you would want to- but have you thought how long you would carry on tracking them? What if they get to an age when they don't want to be tracked?

Mehitabel6 · 08/04/2015 07:39

It will cause huge anxiety. What if they lose them, the batteries run out etc At the very age that you really want to know where they are they will be refusing point blank to wear them!

EdithWeston · 08/04/2015 07:42

This sort of tech isn't very good for this purpose, and does go wrong (which will send your anxiety levels rocketing).

Also, you'll end up watching the device, not doing other things, when away from your DC. It's not going to help your separation anxiety.

If you don't think the setting can keep them within a perimeter, choose a different setting. I know that sounds a bit blunt, but a not particularly reliable gadget isn't really going to help you.

Discopanda · 08/04/2015 08:56

My BF has split up with her DD's father and his family are originally from a different country (although he was born here) so she's considering getting a microchip for her DD in case he takes her on holiday and doesn't bring her back. I don't think YANBU at all, it's completely natural to want to keep your kids safe especially after what you've been through.

EdithWeston · 08/04/2015 09:09

"getting a microchip for her DD in case he takes her on holiday and doesn't bring her back"

She does know that this won't locate her DD, doesn't she? And even if 'read' once her child is found, they'll probably need more than commercial company's records to establish child's identity before a court orders a return.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 08/04/2015 09:11

Of course you are not BU.

But I'm not sure that this strategy is actually going to help you in the short term as you will focus on the devices. And in the longer term, you will have to let your children develop their independence - it's just part of life.

Have you spoken to school about your feelings? Perhaps they can reassure you, by showing you the security features, locked gates, etc - school really is like Fort Knox these days.

What happens if your DC take the devices off for gym or water play, or the batteries go? Your anxiety will sky rocket.

I think, with all the kindness in the world, you will have to find another way.

I know you didn't get on with counselling before, but have you tried CBT? It's very practical and focuses on strategies to reduce anxiety.

PeachyPants · 08/04/2015 09:19

Sorry to hear what you've been through, I would say that the age you're children are do what makes things easier for you. As others have said though please look into getting some help with your anxiety, it's hellish to live with but doesn't have to be like this.

Discopanda · 08/04/2015 12:17

Edith that makes them sound rather useless. He's been talking about taking her to South America but it would be really easy for him to get her a South American passport whilst out there.

Notso · 08/04/2015 13:05

Very sorry about your son and can totally understand your worries Flowers

However I think you should really seriously consider if this will actually help you relax.
I had a late miscarriage (20 something weeks). When I became pregnant again I bought a monitor so I could listen to my baby's heartbeat whenever I wanted thinking it would give me peace of mind. It didn't at all. Instead I was obsessed with listening to it and if I couldn't find it straight away I totally panicked. My husband actually threw it away because it was causing me so much more stress.

I don't know much about tracking but the expensive GPS thing my husband uses for running isn't 100% effective.

Have you had a proper talk with the nursery staff about their security measures? My DC school is very vigilant about who is picking up DC from the Nursery. They phoned me recently when they didn't recognise DH, even though DS was "saying that's my Daddy". (DH had picked him up before but had grown a massive beard so the teacher wasn't sure)

MNpostingbot · 08/04/2015 13:10

Sounds like a good idea to me. Given the back story you have every right to be anxious (not the right word, but you get the point) about the little ones and if this would help you then go for it, doesn't affect anyone else does it.

I wasn't aware of these devices but was planning to give the kids phones sooner than i might have, mainly because of the GPS options. Think I might look into this myself, thanks OP.

Best of luck with looking for DS1, my wife's aunt went through very similar many years ago and recently had the happy ending of meeting her DD, they are building a lovely relationship and DD had a wonderful life with the foster parents she went to. Hoping it all works out for you Flowers

peggyundercrackers · 08/04/2015 13:43

you are being completely unreasonable. I can see why you think it will help but all it will do is increase your anxiety - you will watch it all the time and think things like why is it moving, why is it switched off, who are they with, where are they going etc. etc. and all the time wont be able to do a thing about it because you wont be able to contact them.

you need to address your anxiety issues and speak to the GP more about it - monitoring children via this device is not the answer and I fear will only make you worse.

Original poster
Lesausage · 08/04/2015 18:13

I feel I'm doing all I can for my anxiety. I feel no matter how much counselling, medical treatment etc I have, I will also be anxious regarding my children.

Minimising stress, having a loving husband and close family helps me wonders.

Thank you everyone

OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 08/04/2015 18:16

Again, with kindness, for your children's sake I don't think that's good enough. You are essentially saying 'this is the way I am' - that's a lot for your children to carry as they grow older. Part of rearing them is preparing to let them go - if you can't envisage yourself ever being able to do that then, yes, you need to keep seeking help until you find the right support.

I don't mean to be harsh, I have every sympathy, but I think you owe it to your children to find the way to let them go, when the time is right of course.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 08/04/2015 18:18

Whilst I can understand why you would want to do this, I would not set off down this route. How will you feel when they are older and want the freedom not to be tracked 24/7.

Part of being a parent is learning to let go bit by bit...

sleeplessbunny · 08/04/2015 18:23

we have a similar thing for our cats, one of them is a bit weird and wanders off a lot. It works fine (Have to buy UK version tho) and I have thought fleetingly about using it for DC. More so since last weekend when I lost 3yo DD at the zoo, it was the most terrifying 10mins of my life. She was fine but it showed me how easily it can happen in a crowd. I think next time we go somewhere like that I will write my phone no on her arm just in case.

irishamy89 · 08/04/2015 18:31

YANBU, I think it's a great idea. I had cosidered I would like something like this and have saved the Web page.
I also showed it to DP and he thinks it's a great idea and neither of us are overly anxious.

WorraLiberty · 08/04/2015 18:37

I feel I'm doing all I can for my anxiety. I feel no matter how much counselling, medical treatment etc I have, I will also be anxious regarding my children.

It's normal to be anxious regarding your children. I don't know any parents who aren't anxious when their kids start to go further afield...such as nursery/school/the shops/the park etc.

What matters is the level of anxiety and whether or not it begins to curtail your kid's lives, and make them anxious too.

So you're right, counselling and medical treatment will never erase all anxiety but it will hopefully help you to keep it in perspective.

Oldraver · 08/04/2015 18:50

Sorry but it would be cruel to put a Tracker on your DC's at nursery or school.

You will need to find some way to deal with your anxious-ness, your DC's cant live with you totally smothering them for the forseeable

Summerbreezer · 08/04/2015 19:11

I agree with Lonny. The Dr Phil Show (I know Blush) talks about using physical solutions to psychological problems.

That really hit home with me.

I honestly do not think this will give you the peace of mind you crave.

Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 08/04/2015 19:15

Flowers yanbu to want to, I'm not so sure logically it makes sense but I understand.

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