To expect ds (5) to entertain himself for half an hour.

[Notmymuse]

I love him but he's driving me up the wall. He cannot, and never has, occupied himself and now that he wants to play football all the time (with someone) he's even worse.

This has been our week:

Monday - swimming lesson first thing, then park, then cinema.
Tuesday - swimming lesson then local museum with activities for kids, then walk in the woods
Wednesday - swimming lesson then safari park with friends
Thursday - swimming lesson, then we had a few errands to run so did that and then we went to soft play and out for dinner.
Friday - we went a huge outdoor museum which had plenty of children's activities and were there all day.
Saturday - went to Blenheim palace and ds went on the fair and did the Easter trail.
Sunday - ds had an Easter egg hunt and then we went out for lunch and then he went to mil's.
Monday - we went to a local garden cebtre in the morning with one set if friends, then to soft play with another set and then out to dinner.
And today we've been out all day at a local arboretum with some more friends. We've just got home, I'm knackered and my house is a tip and ds is whinging that he's bored and wants to play football. I've told him to go in the garden and practice scoring but he wants me to go with him and play properly.
I know it's mainly because he's an only child so he has no one to play with and k feel very guilty about that but it's an unchangable situation unfortunately. Also because dh is away so much with work (all this week and most of last week) it all falls on me entertaining ds wise. I've tried to see friends as much as possible so ds has someone to play with. We are seeing some more friends tomorrow for another play date and Thursday we are going to a theme park. Friday I plan to take ds swimming again and Saturday we have another play date. So he's hardly hard done by but I still feel so guilty when he moans he's bored.

Otoh I need to do some ironing! I've stuck ds in front of the iPad which is the only thing which buys me any peace (limited peace) and am about to attempt to do some now but I already feel guilty that he's sat in front of an iPad all isolated.

Oh and if Sunday's nice we're going to the seaside.

Why are you feeling guilty? When does he get the time to develop or use his imagination if he's being constantly entertained?

You have done loads with him, ignore his moans about being bored.

Tell him to get the lego out and build something if he gets bored of the iPad.

Because he's really sociable. He doesn't like playing on his own and I think in an ideal world he'd have a sibling or two to play with. I don't want him to look back and think his childhood was lonely and boring.

He's always been demanding. He's very interested in everything and doesn't do downtime. From the second he opens his eyes that's it he's on the go.

I've no advice other than that sounds like a LOT of activities, could it be that he's just not used to entertaining himself? You don't seem to have spent much time in the house at all, and five is old enough to understand that you have other things to do.

Could you maybe give him a task to do? Like, if you have a garden, send him off to plant some flowers? Or get him to do the dusting?

Sorry if that sounds rubbish, I'm sure you've already thought of this, just didn't want to read and run!

Your completely focusing on the wrong guilt, you need to teach him to be more independent.

We aren't in much. He's much harder work at home than he is out somewhere. Over the summer Ive booked him into football training for a couple of weeks as that is all he really wants to do. I just find it exhausting that I take him out for eight hours and do lots and lots with him and we get home and he still wants MORE. I have nothing more to give!

But so are most kids. They hit the ground running and don't stop till bedtime. It's us that gets tired.

It sounds as though your guilt is because he's somewhat hard done to for being an only child and trying to 'make up' for that.

He needs to learn how to do things alone.. its good for them.to have downtime and be bored sometimes. Filling their days up to the rafters gives them high expectations that just get higher as they get older imo.

Don't feel guilty because you need to get stuff done. Bored in this house means being given housework to do.

Agree, you need to teach him to be more independent. It's a really important life skill and one he just won't learn if he is constantly entertained.

It's definitely worse now that all he wants to do is play football because he can't do that on his own.

Yanbu..

My dd is like this, she is driving me batty this holiday. She literally cannot go 10 minutes without badgering me for the next thing.

You're doing too much with him, he is never going to learn to play alone if he is constantly being entertained

How can I get him to learn???

Plan less activities would be a start.

You fill his day with places to go and people to see he doesn't get the chance to play by himself

OP I understand completely - but he must entertain himself sometimes. I think a lot of how you feel may come from guilt of him not having another sibling. You can always send him to a play center....Most cost about £10 quid per trip.What do you think? At his age I cannot lie....It's not very easy to entertain yourself...he isn't 15 guys! I find involving them in things you need to get done helps pass the time. For example when cooking have them wash the veg, beat the eggs, press the button for the blender - give them a little chef hat and apron. Dim the lights, give him popcorn and sit him down to watch a film...
To be frank its hard to be alone with no nanny with an only child. I don't think he's demanding by the way kids can be lonely too. I loved being alone because i had loads of siblings and had to share a room. I'd literally be 6 years old in bed reading books alone....but it must be hard being in school surrounded by kids all the time to come home to an "empty" house.
In terms of play dates cant you drop him off to someone for the day? We all take turns during easter..even with football, have someone come over and play with him in the garden, sit by the door with a magazine a glass of wine a glass of lemonade and chill out. Its a tough one....everyone's kids has different needs!Mine cant wait sometimes to run off and be without me ...its exciting to be out of the house with mum and dad sometimes.

You have to ignore the whinging I'm afraid. Make a couple of suggestions but if they're rejected tell him to sort himself out. And leave him to it. He will complain and possibly tantrum but hold firm, it's for his good in the long run. Repeat every day of the school holidays!

I have a 5yo, so I do understand. It does get better though, if you stick to your guns. My DD was playing some random game with a toy dog and her slide for over an hour earlier. We try to have 2-3 organised activities per week, max.

And you can tell him to try something else. It's ok to tell him to make his puzzle if he's bored. Or go outside and play. Or even let him figure it out himself.

Perhaps if he's that bored, he could tidy his room.

He's so physically big too. He takes up so much space in the house and is constantly climbing on things and hurling himself around. He really is better outdoors but our garden isn't huge and he won't really play out there on his own.

I feel your pain as I'm a lone parent to an only child who is very bad at entertaining himself!
He's got better recently (he's 7.5). The trick is to ignore! It sounds harsh but it's for their own good in the long run. I tell DS if I need to do something or if I just want a bit of time to myself to read or have a bath and then ignore any whingeing. In my experience, he'll whinge for a few minutes and then when it's clear that I'm not going to give in, he'll wander off and find something to do. And then I make sure that I go and find him when I'm finished and we do something together.

My DS is football mad too and it's actually one of the things that he will go and do by himself quite happily! He's better than me at football now so a kickabout with me is not much fun for him and he'd rather practice his keepy-ups etc. He'll read by himself too now.

Good luck! It's worth sticking with, it'll pay off in the end!

DD was the same who is now 5.4 months, it was agony. She has only very recently learned to play alone for up to 30 mins, 2 or 3 times a day. Here is what we did;

Ask her first thing in the morning what SHE would like to do. I would say, here are the 4 choices, you pick 2 of those & lets have lots of fun doing what you choose.

I then REDUCED the amount of time I spent entertaining her.

So her day would be 1 activity (music class, swimming, cycling e.t.c), followed by a walk or trip to the park, lunch out. Then home and its 'quiet time' in the afternoon (usually 3pmish). During this half hour I would suggest that she plays with her toys. If (when) she moaned about being bored I told her we went out and did the fun things she asked to do today so this is mummy's time. She would understand as my tone was kind but firm. Then its Tea, 'quiet time' again, bath, reading, bed.

If Im doing the housework during 'quiet time' and she badgered me to play with her, I'd smile sweetly and ask if she would like to help me dry dishes or put out the washing. I genuinely would love help but the answer is a straight NO (followed by running off to plain independently in silence).

Slowly . . .and I us that phrase lightly, it worked! She seems to understand that she has her time and adults have their time. It is a gradual build up of minutes that becomes 10, then 12, then 3, then 30 - ta da!!! Job done. Ive seen more creativity in her during these independent time than ever before. She is learning to find her own way which is perfect.

Do you have a Garden? Spring is here so a trampoline, tent, bike, water play, football goal so your DS can practice kicking in the net? if you are able to.

Best of luck X

Agreeing with pretty much everyone here. You have to let him get bored so he is practically forced to entertain himself. All the guilt is pointless. You do plenty (if not too many!) of lovely activities but he will never learn to occupy himself unless you break the cycle. I have 4 & 6 year olds and while they do have each other, both are able to entertain themselves when they are on their own either that or threaten them with chores. Definately ignore any tantrums.

I agree with everyone else. You need to just let him get on with it and ignore him, however hard that might be. He needs to learn to entertain himself.

You can give him tools to do this, play dough, paper and coloured pencils, lego, books etc but he has to be able to function without being constantly "entertained".

Can't you just tell him to go in the garden or to his bedroom to play, you have things to do? My 5 year old doesn't particurlarly like that but I haven't got the energy or inclination to entertain him every waking hour!

I have to agree, that you are doing far too much. There is nothing wrong with kids getting bored occasionally, or a lot. My friend was exactly the same as you, OP. And she couldn't understand why her son was still wanting to do more. Its the same situation. When she chilled out, he did too. But it took a while

I have 4 year old ds, who is always on the go etc. When he was younger he was similar, always wanted interaction. It tales a while but you have to teach him to play alone or find something to do. Ds has grasped that now and life is easier. He also appreciates the things we do more.

Its going to take a while, but worth it in the end. I think you feel so guilty over him being an only child, you are overcompensating. Don't feel guilty. Lots of kids are only children and are absolutely fine. Its just one of those things. Ds wants a baby brother, he isn't getting one. Its just tough. He will have to make do with his much older sister. I don't feel guilty in the slightest.

My 3.5 year old only really learned to entertain himself once baby brother came along. Because no matter how much he moaned, I absolutely couldn't give him attention every moment of the day. And because I was doing other essential things with the baby I didn't feel too guilty about that. It's been good for him. I understand another child isnt on the cards but maybe you need to be as firm that he needs to play with himself while you iron/mumsnet/read a magazine. Given a few things to play with, cardboard box to make into a rocket/plane etc etc he'll probably moan at first before his own imagination gets going and he starts to occupy himself.

Is he is reception?
FGS where is his downtime? Most kids are knackered after school and need fun and excitement during the holidays, but also lies in, relaxing and downtime.

Mine play Lego, ride their bikes, trampoline, watch tv, draw and colour in ninjargo figures, etc.
I can leave my youngest for hours. He only pops in for a cuddle and to be fed!!