To be disappointed with the Headteacher?

[CrustyTolkien]

Name changer and some details slightly changed to protect identity.

My DS is in y5 and has struggled with another DC's behaviour for 3+ years. Many many meetings with school HT and strategies put in place, but no real improvement. Exclusionary behaviour, superior attitude and some mild physical violence. It comes and goes but it's always bubbling under the surface. I try to see it as 50/50 between the 2 of them, but word on the playground (I know, I know) is that this DC is an utter challenge to many other DC and is known to display manipulative behaviour. The HT always suggests that they should just try to be friends or play separately which I've always seen as a bit wet. We're going through an okish patch at the moment and DS finds it manageable. BUT I've just found out that the DC's parent (head of PTA dontcha know?) is holidaying yet again at the HT's holiday home. This is about the 4th time. There is no prior relationship between HT and DC parent to joining the school (same time as us), but DC parent is a certain type, who fosters relationships with VIPs. AIBU to think that the HT should be more separate from parents at the school to prevent any impartiality?

"How do I know this child is the catalyst. Well, whenever there is friendship issues in the class this child is usually nvolved. With the same allegations of the same behaviour from this child. It's not really too difficult to come to a conclusion."

It is supposition though.

Also said saw manipulative behaviour with my own eyes more than once. Not directed at my child, but to a friend's DD. Quite audaciously nasty. Said DC didn't know an adult was watching in the one incident which remains strongly in my mind. Also I realise I mean common denominator rather than catalyst, sorry.

It is supposition though.

A pretty logical one, though. I don't see the point in picking holes in the OP when she's obviously tried to be fair and isn't screeching about how her perfect little angel would never do anything wrong.

In my mind the the relationship between the HT and pita's parent although pretty dubious is a bit of red herring. You have to assume (albeit difficult with this snippet of knowledge) that the HT will know to act professionally and be forced to face up to this behaviour of the "trouble-making" child.

I may be projecting here a bit, but there was a group of boys in my son's year who were never adequately dealt with by the primary school. Making my son's and others primary years a bit shit and miserable. Once they all went on to secondary, the secondary school dealt with the behaviour swiftly and effectively. One of the perpetrators is now a persistent petty criminal and has even been arrested for possessing a knife.

I regret not standing up for my son more at the Primary, being made to feel by one teacher that the issues were partly with him as she said "he needs to toughen up and not be so sensitive".

So OP, stop being quite so tolerant of the DC who is at the root of these problems and insist the school start taking more effective action. Take your own DS's word at face value, he needs to feel you are unconditionally on his side.

We have had a very similar situation at our school although in our case, the HT bought a car off a parent and there were frequent photos on facebook of family days out at each others house. Parent was very much the social climber so being friends with the HT was definitely engineered by them and the large donations to the school and PTA definitely didn't hurt (independent school).

The friendship developed after their child had been at school for a number of years by which time both parent's and child's behaviour had been pretty bad. No one could therefore understand why the HT hadn't run a mile from them. HT majorly lost the respect of many parents, so much so that a number of children will be leaving the school at the end of year 6. The child's behaviour was constantly minimised by HT and just got worse and worse. It finally came to a head after the child was particularly violent and the head teacher had no choice but to act. Child is at another school now.