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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Posting here for traffic. Possibly a stupid question but is this abusive?

33 replies

Scared123A1 · 07/04/2015 01:17

My partner kicked me into a table tonight. I'm not hurt, although my neck is sore and I'm a bit shaken up. She's been aggressive in the past, occasionally physical. I don't know what I'm asking really I just needed to tell someone but not someone irl. I know domestic violence can happen in same sex relationships but I sort of feel like I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Sorry if this is rambling and doesn't make much sense.

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 07/04/2015 01:18

Being kicked into a table isn't nothing dude regardless of who does it.

How to you want to move forward from this?

BlackeyedSusan · 07/04/2015 01:20

sounds more like you are trying to make nothing out of a big deal breaker

post on relationships for advice. better over there.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 07/04/2015 01:23

Yes it does sound abusive "She's been aggressive in the past, occasionally physical" and today has pushed you into a table is very worrying.
Look at:
www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.o...
It's a Freephone 24 Hour National Domestic Violence Helpline, run in partnership between Women's Aid and Refuge.
They can give you personal, practical advice and support.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/04/2015 01:24

DV happens a lot in same sex relationships. What do you want to do? Are you safe right now?

tartyflette · 07/04/2015 01:25

I don't think you're making a big deal out of nothing. If your neck is sore she DID hurt you!
As Jack says, where do you want to go with this? Counselling ? Leave the bitch?

Original poster

Scared123A1 · 07/04/2015 01:27

I don't know what I want to do, I feel like I'm in shock right now and can't think straight. It just escalated so fast and completely caught me off guard. I'm safe now, she's asleep.

OP posts:

TheCowThatLaughs · 07/04/2015 01:30

Definitely abuse, and as pp said, you are hurt. You could report your post and ask for it to be moved to relationships where you'll probably get more advice than AIBU. Sorry this happened to you, you must be really shaken up

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/04/2015 01:30

www.brokenrainbow.org.uk/help/helpline specific help for LGBT DV.

senrensareta · 07/04/2015 01:35

I have no experience of this but I can tell you that if my husband kicked me into a table and I was hurt there would be consequences for his behaviour, Please get help

BertieBotts · 07/04/2015 01:35

Yes it's abuse. It's assault. It's very common to feel in shock immediately afterwards and like you don't know what to do. Also v common to feel like others have it worse or it's nothing. - it's not.

Will you have space away from DP tomorrow, do you/she work? There is an organisation called Broken Rainbow who offer support to anybody in a same sex relationship suffering any kind of abuse and of course Women's Aid would offer support as well, it doesn't matter what sex the perpetrator is. Both would be open just to a chat if you don't feel you can or want to do anything else right now. Phone numbers:
WA 0808 2000 247
BR 0300 999 5428

Broken Rainbow also have an online chat service, not sure if it's 24 hour?

If you want to google anything or follow any links it would be an idea to open a Private or Incognito browsing window so that no history, search terms etc are saved.

Do you have children?

BertieBotts · 07/04/2015 01:38

And yes Relationships is sometimes better. Perhaps ask for the thread to be moved in the morning if you want to keep it going for support.

2Retts · 07/04/2015 01:40

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this tonight 123A1 but you do know your question about this being abuse is a rhetorical one?

Of course you've been abused; not just this time, but also in the past. How much are you prepared to endure? Have you ever retaliated?

It is a shock but please do look at the links provided and I hope you can work through this for your own safety; no relationship is worth this level of abuse.

I do hope you can get a good night's sleep.

Original poster

Scared123A1 · 07/04/2015 01:43

Thank you for the links. I've had a look at the broken rainbow website, I think I will talk to them tomorrow. We don't have children thankfully, although it was on the cards. I keep thinking maybe I provoked her, but logically I know nothing could make me do that to anyone, least of all my partner.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/04/2015 01:46

The Broken Rainbow website also has a quick quit option so you can close it quickly. Best to be very careful if this is a pattern, which it sounds like. Take care of yourself.

2Retts · 07/04/2015 01:50

Agree with MrsTerryPratchett...look after yourself 123A1 and do seek help

Crossfitmyarse · 07/04/2015 02:07

Of course being kicked into a table is abusive - why do you even need to ask?!

'Abuse' isn't something that only happens to women at the hands of men.

TheCowThatLaughs · 07/04/2015 02:13

She was probably asking because she felt upset and confused and her partner has been making her feel inadequate and low in confidence. Quite possibly the partner has also been minimising her violent behaviour and the op is unsure because she loves her partner sand values her opinion.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/04/2015 02:20

'Abuse' isn't something that only happens to women at the hands of men. I had a friend of mine deny abuse when her DP tried to kill her. He was a man. Denial and confusion is very common in same sex and different sex relationships. It takes a while to wear off. No one wants to believe that the person they love, trust and live with is an abuser.

Scared I hope you get some help tomorrow. Remember to change passwords, get a bag you can leave with if need be (medication, ID, cash, paperwork like tenancies and legal stuff). You can stash it with a friend.

FoxgloveFairy · 07/04/2015 02:29

Just adding my voice to the definitely serious abuse camp! You are in a dangerous situation at the moment. You do sound like you know this, but you are not making a big deal of nothing.

Slutbucket · 07/04/2015 04:55

She is an adult and should be able to walk away if she felt "provoked" by you. There is absolutely no excuse for physical violence.

KensingtonRose · 07/04/2015 06:46

Abuse is abuse in the same way as love is love. The gender of the people involved is irrelevant. If you are being hurt then you need to seek help.

I hope you find the love and support you need to move forward before you get hurt again.

EstRusMum · 07/04/2015 06:54

There is no excuse to this. Even if you had provoked her. LTB.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/04/2015 15:01

I just wanted to check in and see how you are Scared. Did you call the helpline?

Coyoacan · 07/04/2015 17:28

I'm sure you love her, OP, but this will only get worse, and I speak from experience.

FurbysMakeSexNoises · 07/04/2015 17:34

One of my mother's closest friends was thrown down the stairs by her alcoholic female partner and before that she broke her collarbone. This woman was a strong confident professional so if it could happen to her it could happen to anyone of any sex in any kind of relationship.

She's happy and single now. Best of luck getting the same.

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