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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm not being unreasonable, but I need to be sure.

50 replies

CuppaSarah · 06/04/2015 07:49

I nearly posted about this yesterday, but I was too wound up to really. Its another Easter one, but this time it's not about chocolate. Just so as not to drip feed, my sister is nearly 30, has some mh problems but is in a very good patch ATM, so it's not having much of an effect on her behavour currently. Dd is 2.

My sister and mum have some issues respecting my boundaries especially with dd. My sister especially loves to scare dd and wind her till she gets over excited and cries. When I stop this horrible behavour im branded precious and rude, but funnily enough im not going to let out get out of hand. Which resulted in until recently dd screaming and cowering from my sister of she saw her. I minimizer their time together and set out some boundaries with my sister. This seemed to sort thing things out a bit.

Today, we had family round in the afternoon and being Easter, people were giving dd chocolate. Dd was acting cutesy and attention seeking to try and get more chocolate out of people. Nothing rude or naughty, just doing silly dances or playing music. My sister very quickly got jealous of dd and starts copying her. Talking in a baby voice and insisting on sitting on my mums lap even though it was hurting mum.

This jealous behaviour is the norm from my sister so no one bats an eyelid. But thinking back, its quite odd behavoir really. Anyway the final straw, making me think it's time to cut my sister from dds life came at the end of the afternoon as people were leaving. I caught her holding dds hand with her foot at her head, miming kicking her. I then hear her say in her baby voice ' I could kick you! I could just kick you right in the head'

She said this right in in front of everyone. I told her calmly her what she was doing was disgusting and horrible and she did it couple times more looking at me smirking. It was a really scary moment as my sister has physically attacked me before and knowing how she reacts to be told off I had to keep my tone very calm or she might just do it out of anger. After doing it twice more she stopped and left. But showed no remorse, she seemed to find it funny. I don't think I ever want to see her again. I'm disgusted with her. But my family didn't even really seem to notice or be bothered, but this is a grown woman. Threatening a toddler! Its not right is it? My families reaction has me worried I'm over thinking this. But I'm not am I? This isn't right?

OP posts:

cupcakesandapples · 06/04/2015 07:51

You are definitely not being unreasonable- i wouldnt have her anywhere near my child- who says that to a toddler????

ahbollocks · 06/04/2015 07:52

Well if your sister is ill then ut isnt her fault, but your dd shouldn't have to go through that.
I wouldn't take dd there any more

Quitelikely · 06/04/2015 07:53

This is bizarre. Your sister was sitting on Your mums knee?

How old is she?

What sort of health problems does she have because I'm wondering if they are related to learning rather than depression etc

Fugghetaboutit · 06/04/2015 07:53

Yanbu at all.

afreshstartplease · 06/04/2015 07:54

Yanbu

Keep her away!

Regardless of her issues your duty is to keep your dd safe

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 06/04/2015 07:54

YANBU. It's all about how you perceive threats, and a grown woman behaving this way is a bad one.

Springtimemama · 06/04/2015 07:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WobblyHalo · 06/04/2015 07:55

Wow! That is awful. No you are not overreacting. Keep your daughter safe.

Shakey1500 · 06/04/2015 07:56

I would absolutely not see her again. (You're doing this already) but your daughter needs to know that you're sticking up for her, believing her and protecting her. Enough to give the kid nightmares. All the very best with it

MammaTJ · 06/04/2015 07:56

We'll I certainly wouldn't be asking her to babysit any time soon!

She sounds horrendous!

YANBU!

Original poster

CuppaSarah · 06/04/2015 07:56

She is manic depressive and has anxiety. Her issues go in waves, she'll have a few terrible months of depression, a few normal months then she'll have a few months being manic. She's in the tail end of a normal period going into a manic. In don't really know much about her manic stage though as she's usually so busy then we don't see her. But even if her mh issues cause the behaviour I can't let dd be exposed to her can I?

OP posts:

ScrumpyBetty · 06/04/2015 07:57

Of course you are not being unreasonable. Completely unacceptable.

straighttothepoint · 06/04/2015 07:57

Keep your dd away from her, she's going to scare her stupid or hurt her emotionally or physically. No way!

TwoOddSocks · 06/04/2015 07:58

YANBU. Kids are remarkably perceptive. Your dd will pick up on the animosity and might already feel threatened. It's disturbing behaviour.

ahbollocks · 06/04/2015 07:58

Nope.

Bowlersarm · 06/04/2015 07:59

Yanbu, sounds a hideous family situation. I'd be worried she'd really hurt dd if she carries on like this.

LittleMissRayofHope · 06/04/2015 08:00

I think if your sister has genuine MH problems then your family will simply write this episode off as not her fault.
And just ignore it along with all the other 'unacceptable' things she does.
I think your apparent fury could be misplaced if she is genuinely ill, but I wonder if you feel she plays the MH card to get out of trouble and be the way she is?

Having said that YANBU to want to protect your DD. You don't have to subject dd to this simply because the other person can't help it. I wouldn't. I would let my dc see her but under close supervision and for short periods at a time.
If the person in question had no documented MH I would cut them out completely

LittleMissRayofHope · 06/04/2015 08:02

Ugh, many replies whilst I posted.

Saw your update about manic depressive. And I wouldn't let dc anywhere near her during a depressive wave.

EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 06/04/2015 08:02

I have a family member with similar MH problems can can sympathise with feeling like the rest of the family treats it as normal. I have kept in contact but don't see my relative, and she has no contact with my DCs. If you decide this route you may have some negative reactions from wider family to face but in the end as PPs have said, you have to make sure your DD is damaged by contact with a toxic adult. Best wishes OP, definitely YANBU.

mummytime · 06/04/2015 08:03

It sounds like your sister has a developmental issue, which also sounds undiagnosed. Untreated they can cause depression etc.
However as her behaviour hasn't been dealt with, and she doesn't seem to be able to understand when her behaviour is inappropriate, and she has been known to be violent etc. I would make sure she was kept away from my DD.
I wouldn't be having her in my home, as your home should be somewhere safe for your DD. And I would ensure DD was always closely supervised (you or her Dada) and could escape at family occasions.

What is going to happen to your sister as your mother gets older? I would think about this.

tobysmum77 · 06/04/2015 08:06

Of course yanbu. No one over the age of 6 has any excuse to behave in the way you describe . Nearly 30!

TheEmpressofBlandings · 06/04/2015 08:07

You are definitely not. It's totally wrong, and how scary for your dd. I'd have no hesitation in cutting contact.

Ratfinkandbobo · 06/04/2015 08:07

Yanbu, I agree with pp, that your parents will minimise her behaviour, for fear of upsetting her. Stay away from her, she is clearly very unstable.

lunar1 · 06/04/2015 08:07

The reason for your sisters behaviour doesn't really matter, your duty is to keep your daughter safe.

Original poster

CuppaSarah · 06/04/2015 08:08

Littlemiss you have a real point here. There have been many incidents with my sister where her mh has been the cause and I've written them off and not used them against her. But there have also been incidents where she has been rude, nasty and belittling to me which I didn't feel were down to her mh. But down to her jealous personality. In this case I can't be 100% sure as it's my dd and not me and my emotions are in the way. Either way, the way my sister was getting so jealous of dd, it's probably stressful for her to see dd right now anyway.

Also worth mentioning. She has another neice only six months older, who she sees very regularly. So I can only assume she does not behave this way around them, as the neices parents are not known dor being tolerant.

OP posts:

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