To think that passive calm men are the best?

[Jacobsmum1973]

Dh is just so easygoing, he literally never loses his temper and dispite rudeness from my attention seeking and extremely difficult mum today he managed to keep his cool.

Is your dh like this or Aibu?

My DH is very easy going with others but thankfully he likes a good discussion/argument with me. I wouldn't like someone with no opinions.

I think there's a difference between easy going and passive.

My DH is exactly like that. Any more laid back and he'd fall right over

He doesn't let people walk over him though. He puts his point across calmly and firmly and rarely loses his cool with rude people.

my H is calm but not passive...There is a difference I think

he does cope with my fucked up parents much better than I do which is a blessing

he isn't a walkover...He has his own limits which he calmly enforces

that's a great position to be in, and I aspire to it

I couldn't stand it sorry. My partner is overly emotional, which is not much better, but I'd rather someone with a bit of passion than a guy that lets everything slide. A little bit of a temper is sexy (I obviously do not mean that in the horrible way, not condoning Neanderthals thrown toys out of pram behavior!).

Oh, I dunno

there is something very appealing about watching my H deal very efficiently with my neurotic mother and aggressive father

and then to turn his attention to our teenagers as if nothing even rocked his equilibrium

Dh I would say is passive to a certain point which then he deals with things calmly.

DH is very passive but that is probably due to having to zone out as a survival mechanism (mine) from the screaming banshee that is me for the last 22 years .

He has dealt with various incidents we have encountered over the years (road rage/queue jumping rage/school parent rage) very calmly. I suppose the fact that he is quite beefy goes in his favour in that he has confidence in himself so have a calm, unflinching aura .

I often refer to him as a robot with a knob!

Bubble

My dp can get irritated with stuff like most people but he never loses his temper and is the total opposite of my xh who had me walking on eggshells. So on the whole I agree!

Calmness I like, but passivity, in the sense of being acted upon rather than acting independently yourself, is inherently unattractive in either sex.

Oh YANBU. I am massively unreasonable. My DP is so calm it means we never argue. We wouldn't work any other way.

Passive: : submissive, acquiescent, unassertive, non-resistant, compliant, complaisant, obedient, docile, and meek

erm... nah, I don't think any of those characteristics would be appealing

Calm, yes of course, who wants someone who is hopping mad.

My DH is extremely opinionated and quite emotional. Gets very angry. Gets very irritated. Very anxious. Very happy. Very excited. It's a lot to deal with. I really didn't give a shit but since having a child with him it has opened my eyes and made me realise that I don't think it's ideal. I'm a lot calmer. Also passionate, I can also get quite angry - imagine the rows in our house, horrible!- but my approach to life is calmer. Before baby I would have said YABU but now I think a calm, but not passive, man is the ideal. Calm Assertive.

Oh I woundnt mind a bit of Bazil Faulty - what a guy

^^ that was a joke !

"He was always so calm and friendly" is the usual quote when they find the shrunken head collection.

Watch Paddy Considine in Dead Man's Shoes for a masterclass in how to make someone shit themselves while smiling and speaking quietly.

Calm assertive I would like but not calm passive

DP seems to vary wildly depending on the situation. He tends to suffer low-level anxiety/stress about various things out and about but not to the extent that he's in any way asking me for help with it. I would like it if he didn't become quietly irrational to the point he can't cope with questions about supermarket items because he just wants to get out of the shop, though. And he sometimes works in a supermarket, so it's not like it's a foreign environment.

Save me from the snack shop at the cinema, though. The second we step in there you'd think he's witnessing the outbreak of the zombie apocalypse at the beginning of 28 Days Later. He just sort of freezes and looks really, really irritated and horrified, even if it's not even that packed. Cue me asking him if he can see where the Crispy M&Ms are, while he bites my head of as if it's my fault other people are using the shop as well...

Yes I agree, calm assertive. My husband is calm and strong, someone I can lean on and who is less emotional than me. He is quite passive some of the time, but will stand up and stamp his foot if need be. He wouldn't suit everyone, but works well with me!

I dream of a husband like that! It's my ideal, my husband is not like that at all!!

I think of my dh who is like an oceanliner compared to my canoe which is constantly being buffeted by the waves. He is a Taurus.

However, I cannot abide passive men. I only rate men of action.

my man is a nightmare, argues over everything and is the least passive person I have ever met. I wouldn't want him any other way tho. I am incredibly arguementative aswell apparently so not as passive as I thought I was.
Passive calm men are only the best if that's the best for 'your' relationship. It wouldn't be for mine/ours.

My DH was like this. I think I have ruined his calmness.. a bit of a bugger really

My DH is great at at calmly but assertively discussing a point and will always diffuse a situation that could get heated. People tend to listen to him and think he's very fair.

But he can be quite loud and angry sometimes which I have to admit I find sexy. He argues well and knows what he wants to say no matter how loud and angry he gets.

Im glad he's not boringly passive and will give me a good row from time to time.

my dp is very calm but also a rabid assertive cunt