To not be saving for a mortgage even though I have children?

[Lottie10000]

Just had a heated conversation with my very wealthy brother and need a little outside perspective.
I'm in my early 30s an pre kids had a pretty decent job but as I left home at 18 and have always been paying rent and bills on top of moving costs ever few years due to rent increases and landlords selling etc I've never saved.
When I met my husband he was in the same position, so we moved in together and after looking into a mortgage we were told that we would need at least £40,000 deposit.
Decided that as that would take 3 years to save up and neither of us were getting any younger we should rent and start to have children.
We now have 2 children under 5 and I have been a stay at home mum ever since so really just getting by on 1 wage with rent of always about £1000 for a 2 bed house.
We have been quite unlucky as have had to move 3 times in the last 5 years but landlords sold / moved back home or increased the rent to an extent we couldn't afford it.
It's so unstable and of course in an ideal world we should have bought pre kids but we didn't.
Does this mean their lives are unstable and a home is never actually a home like my brother has said?
This conversation stems from me now getting an evening job where I will earn £600 a month.
He says I could save that for 10 years have a £70,000 deposit and then the bank will times our wages of £40,000 a year by 3 so we may get a 2 bed flat for around the £20,000 mark.
Now we could do this, or the kids could have nice things, go to their football swimming and ballet classes, have nice birthday parties and maybe a holiday each year nowhere fancy and probably in the uk but somehere away.
We have an old banger for a car and this won't change as neither of us care!
To us, £600, well about £470 after petrol costs of me getting there isn't enough to start saving it's enough to make our struggling lives a little easier.
Are we wrong for thinking like this as maybe he is right, this landlord could sell come January and then we are faced with having to move again ( we always usually have £2500 for deposit rent and a van just in case which is always hard to save so that will be the first on the list out of my wages as this time we haven't saved it as husband hasn't earned enough hence me looking for a job for the last 6 months ) and then if we can't find something we would be homeless.
The thought of that is awful, but so is the thoight of the kids having nothing for 10 years.
What do you all think?
Really grateful!

How did brother get very wealthy? no, really how?
Moving every two years is an adventure for kids. Bricks are not what makes a home. No advice but ten years for me is a veeeeerrrrryyyyy loooooonnnnggg time.

Im late 20s, dh is late 30s, we have one child who is 2.6years.

We rent. As we are both self employed we would need a big deposit. Around the 40k mark i would imagine.

We are saving but everytime i save over 10k there always seems to be something that the money needs spending on.

I do worry about having to pay rent when we are pensioners though

Stability is the best base for children, I rented before becoming a parent but wouldn't once I did. I wanted a home that would be a permanent base, where friends could be made and we could walk to school.

Renting is dead money, not to mention all the costs of moving every few years. You can't change much in rented places and it never really feels like home as its not your house but just borrowed.

We bought our first house when prices were low and we were young. It was tough and at one point we thought we were going to go under trying to keep on top of all the bills and the maintenance that our "money pit" required. However I'm glad we did it as I take comfort in knowing our mortgage will be paid off before we retire and, after a short stint renting, I never liked paying someone else's mortgage for them

He's right. You need to be putting money away towards a deposit. The longer you put it off, the higher prices could get. Renting is fine before children, but you need to provide a solid financial base for your future, and property is the most stable approach.

Your brother is right in that what he suggests is a valid option for you, but you are right in thinking that if you don't want it, it's not an option you have to take.

But as you did and do have choices, you can't blame anyone but yourselves for whatever situation you find yourselves in. As long as you aren't complaining that your situation is unfair, then it's entirely up to you whether you choose to save for a deposit or spend on holidays and activities.

I would save, but definitely not at the expense of lessons and activities for my children.

I wouldn't tell anyone whT to do. So your brother is bu.

However, I would make buying a top top priority.

We live in Social housing and don't intend on doing otherwise. We have 2 children and would need to save for years to find a deposit and at the moment that's just not feasible.

The thing with every "first step" is, once it's taken, you never have to take it again.

Let's say you DON'T save for a deposit now. In 10 years time, you'll be exactly where you are now. But mortgages will be shorter (you can't take out a mortgage that you'll be still paying past the age of about 70), house prices will be even higher, and you'll have thousands more on rent and associated costs.

You might as well start saving now! Why not save £400 or even just £350 a month?

Ignore your brother, do what is right for your family.

Or admit to yourself that you'll never, ever buy your own house. How does that make you feel? If you can honestly shrug and think it doesn't matrer, then that's your answer.

But when your DC get older, moving house will be much more of a PITA for them. Esp if they have to change schools.

10 years is a long time. And bank savings don't pay much interest whilst house prices will be going up, therefore £40k in 10 years will go less far than it does now.

Helping first time buyers is one of the pledges of the government and they do offer schemes for 5% deposits, so maybe you would only need £10k + £5k for fees etc to get a £200k house.
www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/the-newbuy-scheme

I agree with your brother. Could you apply for a council house?

Well, it's personal choice.
Financially, your brother is right, but equally, you are right that it's your choice for you and your family.
Me, I love the security of having my own home. I often think of dh's Grandparents who lived in same hose for nearly seventy years - paying the LandLord's mortgage for him for the first 25 no doubt, then just paying the landlord to have a nice life after that, when, had they bought, the moeny could have been their own for the last 45 years. When they could do with adding a downstairs toilet, as they got older, they couldn't do it, as it wasn't their house.
That said, 'affordability' is always a balance with 'how much you want' something - and that is your decision to make.

I agree with financialwizard, do what is right for your family. If that means making life easier now then do that. DH and I are in our late 20s, due our first DC in September and we rent. We are in a more fortunate and secure position in that our landlord is a family friend and so we can do anything with our flat as long as we ask him. It is very much our home and I think we will be here for three/four more years. I've always saved but we don't earn enough to save a large amount each month and buying a home just isn't a priority for us.

I grew up in armed forces accommodation, my family moved to a completely different area/country every couple of years and I went to five schools. So I don't understand the whole 'kids must grow up in the same house for stability' attitude. Children are very resilient and I think cope with moves more than adults do.

In my opinion the kids will just get on with it if you have to move house.

I bought when I was 18 now 46 and mortgage free, my concern is that you will have to rent forever and how would you feel in your 70s or 80s and getting the letter through your door that your landlord wants to sell.

It is not just beneficial to your kids but also for your future.

So can your brother lend you the deposit and you pay him back monthly then?

After splitting up from exh I am now in rented with our dc. I will never be able to get a mortgage as on min wage and even when I get my share of equity would never be able to afford a mortgage on the rest. I just hope this landlord doesn't sell for several years. If I could get a shared ownership in area I would consider that just for more stability.

We saved for a little over ten years to get our mortgage deposit (decent salaries but in London so had to save a lot, and bought recently so not when prices were low). It feels like a long slog at the beginning but once you get used to putting money away as soon as it hits your bank account, you cut your cloth and just get used to it. When you're looking at a longer period, it makes sense to invest rather than save - we gained significantly more than interest rates by putting our money into S&S ISAs rather than pitiful savings accounts, so it took us a shorter time than expected to save our deposit. With the various govt schemes proposed you could be looking at an even shorter time as well.

It's a sacrifice, especially when you see others freely spending while you know at the back of your mind you could be doing that with your savings tucked away! But in the end it's been worth it, rents have been increasing and our mortgage is much better value than renting would be, and we have the security of knowing it will be paid off when we're retired.

But it won't be just that evening job for ten years, will it? Won't you go back to work in the days when the kids are both at school? Then you'll be able to save up much faster and be able to afford the extras. If any part of you wants to own, then don't rule out what he's suggesting. It's annoying that he has a lack of empathy with your situation, but it's not either/or, and it does make sense to plan and save if at all possible.

You need a better long term lease with a fixed rent.

Why don't you contact local authority for some advice about finding that long term landlord.

Renting when you have kids isn't the end of the world, and provides more flexibility than being stuck in negative equity in a shoebox by some busy road.

Your children are having their childhood right now, and it's your job to help them make good memories of them.
Personally I'd concentrate on making my children's childhood as happy as possible, and give them the experiences of childhood, including swimming lessons and football etc.

Your brother sounds like he must have his ducks all in a row, and he seems to believe his way is the right way. There are many ways of living, but only one childhood.
Fill your kids childhoods full of love! Don't worry about others' opinions.

Hi, thanks for your input.
My brothers father died quite young ( we have different dads ) and left him £30,000.
He bought with that at 25 and that is now his home.
He does also have a flat he rents out to his best friend which is an extra income.
He is a police inspector so a very good wage although he has worked up as is 50 this year there is a large age gap between us.
I should have stayed at home longer, me and my husband should have got a mortgage even on a flat before kids but our credit ratings were awful and it's taken until now to pay off debts and even now we are paying some back an they are on our credit files so I wonder if we would even get a mortage with a massive deposit :-(
It probably will only be an evening job for the next 10 years as finding hobs to fit around school hours seem impossible to find and even if you find them like gold dust to get an interview never mind an offer!
My husband works all different shifts therefore I can't work days and we have no childcare in the way of grandparents as one set won't do it and one set can't.
I guess mid 30s we've done it the hard way and all the moving with kids has been awful, maybe saving every extra penny extra which eoukd make life a little easier, kids having a few more treats, the lessons I've mentioned maybe an odd meal out here and there seemed some kind on consolidation for spending £1000 a month on a house that isn't ours.
You can't even go onto the housing register here or any area we have lived actually unless you have a housing need as in you're being evicted so are homeless.
The children would then be homeless which then causes a lot of problems through child protection so alhough I know people play the system to get a secure tenancy that way it isn't something I would ever do
Believe me we have had that conversation with my brother, he won't lend any money or do anything financial when it comes to family.
Says it's too risky from an ones tent point of view :-(
As the kids are now starting school I guess to myself I think we will be renting all through their school years whether we are saving or not so a hard choice to make them have a good childhood or a very tight when In hope we can buy when they are finishing their secondary education