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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to get pissed as dh has ruined easter with his drinking?

39 replies

HoraceCope · 04/04/2015 19:48

well?

i never drink, i am thoughtful of his problems with alcohol. but typicallly he has ruined another occasion. fXX him

OP posts:
MangoJuggler · 04/04/2015 19:51

Oh cripes

Can you go out and cry on a mate's shoulders instead. Because 2 x hangovers tomorrow morning will be grimola

Schmoozer · 04/04/2015 19:56

Go do something fun,
2 piss heads don't make it right :(

SocialMediaAddict · 04/04/2015 20:03

You'll regret it. What's your DH done?

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 04/04/2015 20:09

Drunk and angry are the worst combination. You need to walk away from the situation Flowers

Queenofknickers · 04/04/2015 20:17

Depends if DC are involved - if so then they need someone to be sober. I can understand your frustration - have a look at the al-anon website maybe?

Original poster
HoraceCope · 04/04/2015 20:24

thank you. i spose i could look at al anon website. having a chat to dd, eaten and might watch something Smile
thanks for kind words

OP posts:
Original poster
HoraceCope · 04/04/2015 20:25

i am sitting in the other room, have been for a few days. i dont provoke him, unless absolutely driven to it.
Sad
one glass of rose and i am drunk anyway.

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 04/04/2015 20:33

If his drinking is an ongoing problem, maybe you would feel better for doing some research about the practicalities of getting rid of him. Because it's not possible to stop an alcoholic from drinking - you can only control your own response to the situation and detaching is usually the best way forward.
(Just doing the research doesn't mean you have to throw him out tonight, it's more a matter of having the facts so you can make a plan and act on it if/when you decide you want to.)

LIZS · 04/04/2015 20:34

But whether you provoke or not is not the issue. He needs to make the change and for whatever reason chooses not to. You getting drunk, hiding etc makes no difference but nor is it fair to blame him for ruining Easter when the choice is yours to allow it.

FarFromAnyRoad · 04/04/2015 20:36

What SGB very wisely said.

Original poster
HoraceCope · 04/04/2015 20:40

yes, i must be stronger

OP posts:
Queenofknickers · 04/04/2015 20:50

You sound like you ARE strong - just dealing with a hard and horrible situation. You can do this - for yourself and your Dd. Remember this is not your fault x

Original poster
HoraceCope · 04/04/2015 20:56

thank you

OP posts:
whatatit · 04/04/2015 21:02

I feel your pain. My dh was and would still be like this. After yet another Christmas ruined i laid it on the line, he could continue to drink himself into oblivion but he'd have to do it in another house and single.

I wasn't interested in trying to get him to change anymore, i was tired out and bored of living in groundhog day.

He knew i was serious and has improved massively. He has moments where he could start to slip back but he knows if it goes back there he's got to leave.

You need to tell yourself that you don't want to or deserve to live like this. It's not fair and if he wants to be a tit then go and be one somewhere else.

Original poster
HoraceCope · 04/04/2015 21:07

it is sad because he is sober for say 6 months or 2 years and then mainly when we count on him he lets us down, big time!

OP posts:
Original poster
HoraceCope · 04/04/2015 21:08

each time he has let us/me down has been quite major and i have been posting in other guises on MN for years with advice that i havent taken, ie he will never change.
pissed off that it is so hard.

OP posts:
whatatit · 04/04/2015 21:09

So he's a binge drinker? Just now and again but to excess?

Original poster
HoraceCope · 04/04/2015 21:18

it seems to be the case for the last few years now whatatit - makes himself quite ill.

OP posts:
whatatit · 04/04/2015 21:28

It's hard to understand why they'd want to get themselves in that state isn't it Hmm. It repulses me when my dh got in those states and then he'd think it would be a good time to have sex Hmm it's like being with a teenager. I get why it's hard to take advice, especially if most of the time he's not doing this but still, you shouldn't have to live on edge wondering when he's going to be a nob. I used to dread any event or family thing involving alcohol

Original poster
HoraceCope · 04/04/2015 21:30

thats right, just as I start to relax and no live on edge, wham.

OP posts:
Original poster
HoraceCope · 04/04/2015 21:31

and before thinking, of yes, this follows a pattern, increasing bad temper leads to drunkeness.

OP posts:
whatatit · 04/04/2015 21:48

It really became a lot more of a problem when dd came along. I saw it for what it is but it's still taken me 5 years to get serious about not having it in our home anymore. This is supposed to be our sanctuary, not somewhere where we have to hide in other rooms

Original poster
HoraceCope · 04/04/2015 21:52

we are a sad household currently Sad

OP posts:
whatatit · 04/04/2015 21:53

I hope he sorts himself out and realises what a twat he's being. You shouldn't have to be sitting in other rooms and dreading lying next to his snoring, vomiting body. Flowers

wizzler · 04/04/2015 21:56

There are some wise MNetters on this thread. I have no experience of what you are going through, but wanted to say Flowers because you sound so sad