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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this gay guy should not be surprised discrimination still exists (even in London)

90 replies

OrlandoWoolf · 03/04/2015 20:37

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/gay-man-rejected-from-london-flatshare-because-of-his-sexuality-10154791.html

A gay guy in his late 20s was turned down from a flatshare because on of the flatmates did not want to share with someone who was gay. The person organising it had to send a message to him having to reject him because this guy would not compromise. He was shocked that such attitudes still exist in London.

Welcome to the world. Sorry - it's crap to face rejection if you're white and male and professional. I bet other people have been rejected for being too poor, the wrong religion, female, trans, too old, disabled etc. It must have been an eye opener for you - but yes, discrimination is still alive and kicking. Most people who get rejected from a flatshare don't get to have their story in the paper though.

If people did get to have their story of being rejected for being a member of a minority group in the paper, the papers would be full of such stories.

OP posts:
CrystalCove · 04/04/2015 07:08

What exactly is your problem with white middle class men? Because it strikes me you are gloating, you've mentioned "white man" more than once.

Original poster
OrlandoWoolf · 04/04/2015 07:08

He has been discriminated against because he has an unseen disability, because he's had depression and because he's gay. he's suffered horrendous bullying and had a serious eating disorder so your comment about not suffering much discrimination because he's a white professional is ridiculous

In that case - your friend would not be surprised that discrimination still exists, would he?

As he has experienced it. Anyone who has experienced it will not be surprised it still exists. People who are surprised it still exists are living in a fucking bubble if they don't realise it.

That's what's wrong with me. People who seem to think that discrimination doesn't exist. Because it does.

OP posts:
Teenagenightmares · 04/04/2015 07:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
OrlandoWoolf · 04/04/2015 07:10

A lot of stuff like happens on a very regular basis and it is horrific, and deserves outrage just as racism, or discrimination against anyone for any reason does

Exactly. And it never gets reported.

OP posts:
Original poster
OrlandoWoolf · 04/04/2015 07:11

I would like to know why this particular story is considered newsworthy when the daily discrimination facing many people isn't.

OP posts:
Mrsstarlord · 04/04/2015 07:16

I think, OP, that you are missing the point here. Either because your anger at your own situation is clouding your thinking or you are being deliberately obtuse.
Nobody should ever get to the point of thinking that discrimination and prejudice are the norm, or acceptable because they are not. Discrimination should be highlighted and challenged and it should be shocking because it is.
If you feel that you have been discriminated against then you need to make people aware of it, you can tweet about your experience, you can raise awareness. But to complain that someone who has experienced discrimination is shocked by that and should essentially just suck it up and get on with it is reprehensible.

Original poster
OrlandoWoolf · 04/04/2015 07:20

But to complain that someone who has experienced discrimination is shocked by that and should essentially just suck it up and get on with it is reprehensible.

I am not saying he should suck it up. Please do not put words in my mouth.

I am pissed off because him and his friends are surprised discrimination still exists. Really. What world do they live in?

If he had said that he was aware that discrimination still exists but this was the first time he'd encountered it, I'd have a lot more respect for him. Anyone who is surprised that discrimination still exists must have had a very sheltered life.

OP posts:
Mrsstarlord · 04/04/2015 07:21

What would you prefer he did?

Original poster
OrlandoWoolf · 04/04/2015 07:23

I wish he had acknowledged some awareness in his quote that discrimination still exists.

I wish the bloody media would pick up on the countless stories that are out there about discrimination. Look on here - loads of examples.

Go to any website where minorities post - and you'll find loads.

OP posts:
PlumpingIsQuiteUpForThud · 04/04/2015 07:24

You do seem a bit gloating, op, but I get your point. No one is going to publish a story about the discrimination you face, but they will about a more modern form of discrimination. It's very uneven.

Lonelyimpulseofdelight · 04/04/2015 07:25

Are you really arguing that most white gay doctors, lawyers, engineers have grown up oblivious to homophobia by virtue of a privileged life?

My impression is that this individual was surprised that his rejection was explicitly because of his sexuality, that people would be so openly homophobic. I doubt he failed to notice homophobia prior to this incident.

I don't think there should be a hierarchy of discrimination . It's all nasty.

Teenagenightmares · 04/04/2015 07:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Teenagenightmares · 04/04/2015 07:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
OrlandoWoolf · 04/04/2015 07:30

I don't think there should be a hierarchy of discrimination . It's all nasty.

Exactly. I totally agree. Yet the overwhelming day to day stuff doesn't get reported.

I bet if people really knew what went on - for many people in this country on a day to day basis, they would be shocked. I'm not aware of how life must be for someone from a different ethnic group, poor background, certain religious groups - but I am more than aware they face discrimination. Some blatant. Most discrete but still very real.

I just wish that stuff would get reported to.

OP posts:
Mrsstarlord · 04/04/2015 07:30

the whole story is about discrimination still existing.
He may well have mentioned things which weren't then quoted, newspapers mis and selectively quote people all the time.
You have a good point about discrimination not being highlighted as often as it should be but unfortunately you are not making it very effectively because your posts are being presented as if this man shouldn't be complaining or be surprised / shocked. You are coming across as bitter about this man rather than highlighting everyday experiences of discrimination.
Maybe you could start a #campaign?

Original poster
OrlandoWoolf · 04/04/2015 07:32

Maybe you could start a #campaign

Not on here. Some people on here still support that kind of discrimination actively on here.

OP posts:
Northernparent68 · 04/04/2015 07:34

It is nt a competition as to suffers the most discrimination.

Mrsstarlord · 04/04/2015 07:34

So it's a good place to start challenging it. Here, Twitter, Facebook (probably some other, more new fangled social media that I have never heard of!)

Theoretician · 04/04/2015 07:35

Lot of people saying we should be shocked. But shocked implies surprise, which means we didn't know it happened. If we know it happens then there are lots of things we should feel about it, but we should not feel surprised, so not shocked.

The OP is right about the meaning of "shocked", and the rest of you are unreasonable.

Teenagenightmares · 04/04/2015 07:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
OrlandoWoolf · 04/04/2015 07:37

This is an interesting article. A young Muslim woman facing discrimination. She acknowledges it exists already but then writes about how it affected her.

www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/i-never-fully-believed-that-british-muslims-were-being-victimised-but-then-i-was-stopped-at-heathrow-10153102.html

OP posts:
Mrsstarlord · 04/04/2015 07:39

No, we can hear about something everyday and still be shocked by it. You will (hopefully) have read the explanation that if we stop being shocked by it, this implies acceptance and we don't accept it. This isn't the 1970s
The argument becomes a semantic one which completely negates the point of highlighting and challenging discrimination.

Original poster
OrlandoWoolf · 04/04/2015 07:41

Lot of people saying we should be shocked. But shocked implies surprise, which means we didn't know it happened. If we know it happens then there are lots of things we should feel about it, but we should not feel surprised, so not shocked

This. I am pissed off it happens. Annoyed it happens. Upset it happens. But sadly - it does not shock me that is has happpened. It happens all too often. I'm surprised someone was so blatant - maybe the person who sent it wanted to make the point that he thought his flatmate was homophobic.

If you rejected someone because someone in the house didn't want a insert name of group in the house, would you tell them the reason why?

Many people suspect they are victims of discrimination. It's just not often it confronts you there and then as blatantly as this.

OP posts:
Mrsstarlord · 04/04/2015 07:43

Orlando
That article is interesting and sad. It's also written in a totally different journalistic style from the first one. So is more sophisticated in the language and story telling.
Thank you for sharing

Original poster
OrlandoWoolf · 04/04/2015 07:44

mrsstarlord

Are you shocked that there are still racists and homophobes out there?

I'm not. I think there always will be. It doesn't shock or surprise me. It pisses me off and upsets me. But sadly, it does not shock me. It shocks me to think people can think like that. But it does not shock me that such people exist. Nor does it surprise me.

OP posts: