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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with this friends attitude towards mental health?

61 replies

Mamabird3 · 03/04/2015 11:23

Long story short (ish), last night I went out for a few drinks with a few friends, whilst getting ready we had a conversation about my anxiety and depression as another friend is also suffering and I was encouraging her to go to the doctor as it isn't as bad to talk about it as I thought it would be. Anyway, df1 decided to pipe up with an incredibly anti medication view. Telling me that I shouldn't be taking anti depressants as they mask the problem not cure it. I disagreed and the night moved on.
Later that night she decided to tell the whole group of people that I was on medication and lecture me about it again. To which I said I didn't want to discuss it. When I was about to leave to go home she told me I couldn't walk to get a taxi because I was "a liability" due to being on citalopram and that I was disgusting for taking it because depression and anxiety aren't real Illnesses. This woman is training to be a midwife. I am so angry at her ill informed opinions! How can she support women who have had mental health issues and pnd etc with this attitude? Aibu? Or is she?

Very long post! Thanks if you've got to the end!

OP posts:
monkeysox · 03/04/2015 11:25

Tell her to eff off. If meds are helping you she can stfu Cake

happygirl87 · 03/04/2015 11:25

She IBVU. I hate this type of conversation. Flowers for you - getting the help you need is a sign of strength.

itosh · 03/04/2015 11:25

Afraid she is a dick who is fortunate enough to not experience depression herself

ellenjames · 03/04/2015 11:26

She is a total nobGrinignore her to be honest I can't imagine she will get far as a midwife with views like that!
I certainly wouldn't consider her a friend anymore!

DarthVadersTailor · 03/04/2015 11:31

Your 'friend' has just displayed a completely ill-informed and ignorant view on Citalopram, anxiety and depression. She clearly has absolutely no understanding of how those conditions affect a person, she clearly also has no idea how Citalopram works either. Maybe that's a lack of education but to me it sounds like they're just pig ignorant and probably the last person you'd want around you when feeling this way!! I mean even if you held those (archaic) views a decent friend would simply be there to support, right?

Your 'friend' sounds like a twat to be honest. Were they a bit worse for wear on this night out or is this the way they are sober too? Because I'd seriously question whether you really want to be hanging around with this type of person. Not to mention that in the group there was someone else struggling with this too, how completely fucking insensitive!!!

BTW I hope you and your friend are feeling good Smile

frikadela01 · 03/04/2015 11:31

People with views like that are why mental illness is so stigmatised. would she have any opposition to you taking medication for a physical illness... its no different in my opinion!

Original poster
Mamabird3 · 03/04/2015 11:38

She was sober when she first started talking about it, but drunk later when she started shouting in the street about it! I was sober, well two glasses of wine and remember it all. I have to pop over to collect the things I left behind and I don't know whether to talk to her about it or just write it off and avoid her in future. I just cannot believe how ignorant she has been. It's hard enough admitting you have mental health issues, getting help etc and I felt humiliated that she felt she could tell everyone about my issues. It's no different to having a physical illness in my opinion. I really hope her attitude changes before she qualifies.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 03/04/2015 11:39

Wow. She's very ignorant. YANBU.

It's one thing to not be keen on medication as the first point for treating some mental health issues but her attitude is disgusting.

I'd be telling her to fuck off in uncertain terms.

OwlinaTree · 03/04/2015 11:48

It's none of her business what treatment you and your gp have chosen. Her role as friend is to be supportive and possibly make positive suggestions if a close friend. I'd say that to her and give her a chance to apologise, take it from there.

ifgrandmahadawilly · 03/04/2015 11:53

Your friend sounds like a huge idiot and it upsets me that a trainee midwife would hold these views.

Islanegra · 03/04/2015 11:55

What a disgusting woman. One in three people are diagnosed with a mental health condition during their lifetime so this may well bite her on the arse.

You have no obligation or responsibility to educate her. However if you're feeling strong enough you could point out that as well as being hugely intrusive and inappropriate she is also factually incorrect and has made a fool of herself.

Rest assured that she's in the minority and that I'm sure anyone else with even half a brain would know she's been an absolute idiot.

And midwifery training will utterly kick the shit out of such silly notions.

TheWintersmith · 03/04/2015 11:57

Defriend

What a nob.

Islanegra · 03/04/2015 11:58

TBH the way Id handle her is to ignore her and phone all the other people that heard her and ask them for faux advice about "how to handle her", thus ramming home how totally awful she's been and getting them to admit she was out of line, pressuring her into an apology.

#machievelli.

Box5883284322679964228 · 03/04/2015 12:00

It's very worrying she's training to be a midwife and is in complete denial about mental health issues. I would see if she apologies and if not I would be tempted to email her course tutor and raise your concerns.

binspin · 03/04/2015 12:04

During her training she will learn. If she doesn't she won't be a trainee midwife for long. Ask her about holistic care. About communication, understanding, empathy etc.

Or ditch the bitch Wink

RainbowFlutterby · 03/04/2015 12:04

Was it his the friend who also has depression but doesn't want to take medication? Or a different friend?

Could it have been an OTT reaction to defend a decision to not take medication?

atonofwashing · 03/04/2015 12:11

YAnBU, but you need to stop talking about your health to this stupid person!
She clearly does not have any sense of discretion, which is worrying as she's heading Into the medical world.

It's none of her business, so don't give her any more info. Find someone else you can confide in. She clear,y cannot be trusted.

It always amazes me how some people, especially in the medical and teaching world somehow become overnight " experts" once they begin training. I know a mum who became a TA and immediately started on about my ds's personality. I actually said to her, " didn't realise you are an expert on my child?". When she said, "well I am not", I said " that's fine then, better concentrate on your own kids before passing judgement on others" .

That shut her up. I now avoid her.

Hth, good luck and hope you feel better soon. Xx

Original poster
Mamabird3 · 03/04/2015 12:12

No it was a different friend, who is lucky enough to have never experienced any mental health issues. My other friend took me to one side later and said that she was going home because the conversation had made her so uncomfortable that she didn't want to stay. So we went for a drink in a different bar without the other ignorantfriend.
She's only very recently started training, but is also working in the local hospital along side the course. I feel concerned about the possibly vulnerable people she works with on a regular basis.
I think I'm going to have to talk to her about it. She has no idea what it's like to be depressed at the bottom of a deep dark hole, or so anxious you can't function properly.
I said I'd had cbt to help but found the medication better, and she even had the cheek to suggest ect (electro convulsive therapy) and asked if she could be the one to flip the switch, then laughed for ages while everyone just sat looking at her, then I walked out a bit dramatically
I hope everyone else that was there realised she was a twat.
I'm glad to hear ianbu!

OP posts:
needaholidaynow · 03/04/2015 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Islanegra · 03/04/2015 12:16

Don't tell her how it feels to be depressed. She won't get it.

Tell her how it feels when a friend makes a show of herself with her pig ignorance.

pineappleshortbread · 03/04/2015 12:16

She behaved like a twat but is half roght with regards to the meds. They dont treat the underlying causes just the symptoms so should be used with cbt or other therapy. I suffer from depression and have for 10 years. The meds dont work for me and i have studied depression causes and treatments.
If meds work for you thats great and i hope you have found a way to treat your condition that works for you. From a medical perspective medication is not a cure so when recommending help to others always suggest seeing a doctor as you did and to explore all options not just medication.

Original poster
Mamabird3 · 03/04/2015 12:18

I used to talk to her about things, but stopped recently when she did something else. I was talking about it to my other friend who's been having a hard time in a "it will be ok, it seems impossible now, but there is light at the end of the tunnel" kind of way using my experience as a sort of guide.
I definitely won't be confiding in her again, and if I speak to her in future then I'll be keeping my distance.
Sorry a bit ranty Blush

OP posts:
pineappleshortbread · 03/04/2015 12:19

I have just read your second post about the cbt and well done for giving it ago and although it may not have been the thing for you i hope you got something good from it. Cbt didnt work for me either i self manage and know my own personal triggers and how to avoid and manage them.

Your friend was cruel to suggest ect and its not a laughing matter as that is for extreme cases and i feel for those who have to have that treatment

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 03/04/2015 12:20

She is a disgrace. She deliberately betrayed your confidence shouting out about your medication. Cut her off. I detest any type of confidentiality breaking. You need support at a time like this. As pp says your medication is between you and you Doctor.
She is training to be a Midwife. Where she will come across pND and AND. Well she'll have to get her closed minded ignorant quite frankly disgusting views on MH. I refer to her quote you're a liability because you take Citalpram.!!!!. Sickening for anyone to say but a trainee.
If she's got no qualms about breaking your confidentiality. Then the chaces are she's not going to have any any qualms breaking confidentiality at work. Well she does that not only does her career go down the pan. She could also possibly will face prosecution. I hope she's not one of those smug smart arses who has to learn the hard way.
Oh and don't let chat that shit. I'm sorry I was drunk. I didn't know what I wAs saying. A drunken mind speaks with their true feelings.
I'm very Angry on your behalf.
Look after yourself Flowers

CakeLady1 · 03/04/2015 12:23

Oh no, she's not someone who thinks that depression is "just being a bit unhappy", is she? Depression is a chemical imbalance, the antidepressants are there to help balance it.
Don't menton it to her again, but if she's a half decent person she'll apologise to you when she gets her training and realises what a stupid thing it is she has done.

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