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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with this friends attitude towards mental health?

61 replies

Mamabird3 · 03/04/2015 11:23

Long story short (ish), last night I went out for a few drinks with a few friends, whilst getting ready we had a conversation about my anxiety and depression as another friend is also suffering and I was encouraging her to go to the doctor as it isn't as bad to talk about it as I thought it would be. Anyway, df1 decided to pipe up with an incredibly anti medication view. Telling me that I shouldn't be taking anti depressants as they mask the problem not cure it. I disagreed and the night moved on.
Later that night she decided to tell the whole group of people that I was on medication and lecture me about it again. To which I said I didn't want to discuss it. When I was about to leave to go home she told me I couldn't walk to get a taxi because I was "a liability" due to being on citalopram and that I was disgusting for taking it because depression and anxiety aren't real Illnesses. This woman is training to be a midwife. I am so angry at her ill informed opinions! How can she support women who have had mental health issues and pnd etc with this attitude? Aibu? Or is she?

Very long post! Thanks if you've got to the end!

OP posts:
dragdownthemoon · 03/04/2015 12:27

People don't get it. I recently confided in a friend about my anxiety and depression (I'm also taking Citalopram) and she said I must be very good at pretending cos no one had noticed and I seem really normal. She obviously didn't believe me. She told me she is normally very perceptive and would have noticed if anything was wrong with me! Wtf?

Sorry your friend treated you this way OP. There is such a long way to go regarding people's understanding of mental illness.

needaholidaynow · 03/04/2015 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pandora37 · 03/04/2015 13:19

Your friend is an idiot and she won't get very far as a midwife if she doesn't change her attitude. She will meet a lot of women who are on ADs during pregnancy and if she criticises them for it she will make herself very unpopular. She should have lectures on mental health during her course, whether it will be enough to change her mind, who knows. Tell her from me (another student midwife and a sufferer of depression/anxiety) that if she can't accept them as real illnesses or that some people need medication then she is going to make an incredibly shit midwife.

TheoriginalLEM · 03/04/2015 13:23

Is your friend going to tell labouring women who want pain relief that they are a liability and pathetic? She is a bit of a twat isn't she!

TheoriginalLEM · 03/04/2015 13:25

dragdown - tell your friend the citalopram is obviously working Grin

I have taken citalopram for years and have just switched to escitalopram - i am very open about it, I am not ashamed of it - why should i be?

drudgetrudy · 03/04/2015 13:34

She is ignorant in the true sense of the word, extremely insensitive and untrustworthy in sharing your personal information.
I hope she gets more training on mental health issues whilst studying midwifery or she will be a liability.
Her basic lack of sensitivity and attitudes make me feel she is unsuitable to train as a midwife.
I would tell her that I felt very uncomfortable about her sharing my medical history so freely and cool the friendship by not responding to her very much.

FryOneFatManic · 03/04/2015 13:48

she even had the cheek to suggest ect (electro convulsive therapy) and asked if she could be the one to flip the switch, then laughed for ages while everyone just sat looking at her

OP, from your friends reactions, ie just staring at her, she'll have already made herself look a twat to them. I suspect they'll have been uneasy about her.

FishCanFly · 03/04/2015 13:49

Sounds like my mother before she was diagnosed with clinical depression herself.

lollipop28 · 03/04/2015 13:57

What a bitch she hasn't a clue what she's talking about. She shouldn't be allowed to work in the medical profession.

binspin · 03/04/2015 14:02

She'll come across mothers to be with a range of mental disorders. What are her thoughts on psychosis I wonder?

needaholidaynow · 03/04/2015 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flippinada · 03/04/2015 14:16

YANBU. She's wrong on many levels. Aside from her astonishing ignorance about mental health issues she seems to have problems with the concept of confidentiality which is a real no no for anyone working as a health professional.

Someone like this shouldn't be working in this area and especially not as a midwife where she will likely be coming in to contact with vulnerable people.

I see she is training and thankfully not qualified yet so maybe raise the issue with an appropriate person at the place she's studying or contact the Royal College of Midwives.

AdeleDazeem · 03/04/2015 14:32

YANBU. YAN at all BU
Midwife in training? I certainly hope she gets a good bit more training otherwise I really pity any new mums that might need to talk to her about possible PND.

Box5883284322679964228 · 03/04/2015 14:32

Also she broke you/your friends confidentiality. You told her something so obviously very private and yet she couldn't keep your confidence at all. A real friend would have your trust.

Box5883284322679964228 · 03/04/2015 14:34

Forward her a link to this thread

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 03/04/2015 14:40

I would also consider raising this with her place of training. This is completely unacceptable behaviour and I am not quite as optimistic as the others who are suggesting it will all come good as she progresses through training.

Westendgal · 03/04/2015 14:51

See, this is why it's difficult to be open and honest about mental health issues--because there's a lot of ignorant prejudice out there. I've worked in health care and, very sadly, have heard some shockingly judgemental statements from clinical staff who should know better.

A lot of medicines treat the symptom not the cause, but that's not a valid arguement against taking them.

Drop her as a friend and move on.

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/04/2015 14:52

I think that would be completely out of order Smilla. Lots of people have personal views which don't tally with their professions and don't let it affect their jobs. Because they can separate personal and professional.

FryOneFatManic · 03/04/2015 15:00

I don't think it would be out of order to raise this with her place of training.

Firstly she was told the OP's medical information privately, and then went ahead and blurted it out to all their friends.

And while there are times when it's possible to separate personal and professional lives, the kind of opinions that the OP's friend appears to hold do not inspire me with the confidence that she will be able to put her personal opinions aside when dealing with women who at a vulnerable time of their life.

At the very least, her trainers can raise these issues and see if there's likely to be any problems.

flippinada · 03/04/2015 15:01

No, I agree with Smilla. This goes some way beyond a difference of opinion.

Would anybody like to be treated by an HCP who 'didn't believe in' ? How could you trust them to offer effective treatment?

drudgetrudy · 03/04/2015 15:03

In this instance i don't think she can separate personal and professional as her prejudices will directly affect her work.
I hope she has a better concept of confidentiality in the workplace though.
I wouldn't go so far as to report it, I would just hope the people running the course suss her out.
I wouldn't keep her as a friend OP-I would do a non-dramatic distancing.

livingzuid · 03/04/2015 15:04

I also would report this if possible. Even as a trainee midwife she will be in contact with vulnerable women and families who don't need to experience such ignorance on top of everything else.

Also you can talk to whoever you like about your mental health if you so choose. If we talk about it more it will reduce discrimination and ignorance. Why should you have to keep it hidden? Sorry you had this happen.

OnlyLovers · 03/04/2015 15:07

You're not ranting and even if you were, it'd justified.

This is not a friend. Her attitude and behaviour stink.

Writerwannabe83 · 03/04/2015 15:13

I know of a nurse who once said that people with mental health problems are just attention seekers.

Nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to people's uneducated and insensitively stupid, idiotic thoughts on such a complex issue.

DonnaKebab66 · 03/04/2015 16:18

Good Lord. I pity any of her patients if they ever have pre/post natal depression.

I'm a mental health nurse and I've been on citalopram for years. So shoot me, I'm obviously incapable (and should possibly be out of a job, as mental health problems clearly don't exist. Tell that to the large amounts of clients on my caseload.)