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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if there is an epidemic of rudeness nowadays or was it always like this?

44 replies

Salmotrutta · 02/04/2015 19:49

Not a thread about a thread as such but have been reading some gems on here:-

Cancelling dinners

Commenting on accents

Allowing children to push others around

Etc. etc.

My folks drummed manners in - "Don't cancel plans unless it's an emergency, don't pass remarks on appearances/accents/foibles, don't forget please and thank you" etc. etc.

I'm wondering if manners are being eroded because people just think it's okay to do these things?

OP posts:

cannotchange · 02/04/2015 21:24

I agree, I sent out invitations for my DD birthday party 2 weeks ago and I have not one RSVP yet. I'm getting a bit twitchy about it as its her first proper birthday party and is the first week back after the Easter holidays.

Original poster

Salmotrutta · 02/04/2015 21:26

God yes, my folks would have gone nuts if I'd interrupted adults conversations to whinge or pester on about something that wasn't very important!

OP posts:

atonofwashing · 02/04/2015 21:27

Nutcracker, yes I think technology is as much of a curse as a blessing. And if you actually say to someone, " please put your phone away, I came out to have coffee with you, not your phone and digital friends", you are quite likely to be dumped by said friend as you showed them up. Potentially.

CWTCh, yup. It's quite shocking just how brutal some people are prepared to be. Are they really happy people? I wonder....

Original poster

Salmotrutta · 02/04/2015 21:28

Not off topic at all Worra - people can be very rude in e-mails in a way they probably wouldnt if talking face to face or on the phone!

cannotchange that is very rude of the invitees!!

OP posts:

PseudoBadger · 02/04/2015 21:29

And no fucker gives a shit about zebra crossings any more.

Original poster

Salmotrutta · 02/04/2015 21:31

On the interrupting thing - one of my relatives used to stop conversations dead when one of her DC demanded attention, usually for something very trivial and my Mum just used to wait then chime in with "AS I was saying..." in a pointed fashion

OP posts:

Original poster

Salmotrutta · 02/04/2015 21:32

Zebra crossings give me the willies when I'm using them!

OP posts:

CwtchCorner · 02/04/2015 21:36

atonofwashing if they aren't then there a heck of a lot of unhappy people around. At the risk of outing myself, a group of 'friends' were moaning on FB that nobody wanted to meet up over the school holidays so I suggested an activity - they all said great, yes, let's do it and arranged a date and time.
Today the DDs and I were at the appointed time and place - nobody else turned up as they were 'busy doing other things' - my FB 'unfriend' button has had plenty of exercise tonight.

WorraLiberty · 02/04/2015 21:36

We were also taught to answer the phone properly and woe betide us if we didn't

"Hello? Who's speaking please? Ok, one moment and I'll get them for you".

Now when I phone my friends I have to deal with non verbal toddlers babbling for 20 minutes, and me bribing them with toys and chocolate just to pass the bloody phone to an adult

atonofwashing · 02/04/2015 21:40

Interrupting drives me nuts! I raised my ds to say, " excuse me mummy"' if he wanted to say something. It worked for a good few years, but now he retorts " mummy, I've said excuse me, so now you have to listen to me."
We are working on that! . But he Is definitely far less patient than I would have been with my parents, if I had something to say.... Kids these days...

Original poster

Salmotrutta · 02/04/2015 21:42

Cwtch that's such bad manners on their part!

God spare me from toddlers on the phone too Worra - totally pointless.

OP posts:

atonofwashing · 02/04/2015 21:50

Cwtch, that's appalling behaviour! Poor you. I've experienced something similar. I just don't bother anymore with holiday get togethers. I tell friends we are off to see grandparents and look forward to seeing everyone when school goes back.

I'm just not prepared to be let down like that. It's so ill mannered.

PseudoBadger · 02/04/2015 21:54

Salmo - DD and I were nearly mown down by a lorry overtaking a bus (who had stopped to let me cross) on a zebra crossing. Outside DS's school. I hate using crossings now.

WorraLiberty · 02/04/2015 21:56

I find that some adults lack manners when it comes to mannerly children though.

When I hold the door open for someone, I get a 'thank you' about 90% of the time I suppose. When my kids hold the door open for someone, they get thanked way less than that.

It's the same when they stand to the side to let adults pass in the street (very narrow pavements here, where cars are allowed to park so you have to go single file). They generally get far less thanks than me or my DH do.

Albert42 · 02/04/2015 22:02

I think different generations and different cultures have different ideas on manners though.
We were on holiday in Italy last year. Eating out in an outdoor cafe. A man in his fifties asked if he could take the seat that my three year old son was sitting on (eating his lunch!). I was dumbfounded at the time and just didn't know what to say. I think he was German. Luckily a Dutch woman quickly offered him the chair that her bag was on (she seemed equally surprised). But actually I thought afterwards that not that long ago in England children would be expected to give their seats up for adults!

I still don't know if it was a misunderstanding or a cultural thing

chickenfuckingpox · 02/04/2015 22:10

nutcracker the way she went on she was an epidemic all in herself

but seriously it was twenty past eleven in the morning and we had already had white man van try to overtake the bus while we were waiting at some roadwork traffic-lights he literally went to go around the bus and over a red light then another car cut in-front of us when we were trying to turn (bus had right of way) the brakes on the bus are a little soft but fortunately good enough to stop us then someone else did something etc etc i was feeling a bit like the world was out to get me and then i walked into the train station.......

you don't want to hear about my shopping trip however the train back was totally uneventful unfortunately the bus company then decided to cancel all of the buses going to where i live so i walked with my teen drama queen all the way home and yes it was the end of the world!

atonofwashing · 02/04/2015 22:10

Worra, I agree with that. Good point. I have seen some lovely manners from kids holding open gates in the playground, and adults marching past them completely unaware of what the child is doing.

Leading by example, and all that....if that's what kids see, what else are they supposed to think?

WorraLiberty · 02/04/2015 22:16

atonofwashing my kids are normally torn between being embarrassed if an adult makes too much fuss of their manners, and being annoyed if they don't acknowledge them...so there's no winning really

atonofwashing · 02/04/2015 22:30

Nope, no winning at all!

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