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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if there is an epidemic of rudeness nowadays or was it always like this?

44 replies

Salmotrutta · 02/04/2015 19:49

Not a thread about a thread as such but have been reading some gems on here:-

Cancelling dinners

Commenting on accents

Allowing children to push others around

Etc. etc.

My folks drummed manners in - "Don't cancel plans unless it's an emergency, don't pass remarks on appearances/accents/foibles, don't forget please and thank you" etc. etc.

I'm wondering if manners are being eroded because people just think it's okay to do these things?

OP posts:

TwoOddSocks · 02/04/2015 19:53

Nobody posts about people keeping to arrangements, or not making inappropriate comments or saying please of thank you. I imagine there were always people who were rude just no mumsnet to bitch about them on.

flabbyducks · 02/04/2015 19:54

Actually Paul OGrady said thank you to me today

So that was nice .......

BinaryBunny · 02/04/2015 19:54

I don't know.

but I can't stand I when people bail on you the last minute gives me he RAGE

Original poster

Salmotrutta · 02/04/2015 19:58

I suppose you're right Two - but maybe I notice rudeness more because I'm getting older too!

Like people sitting staring at their phones or whatever when out and about or being served in shops and stuff.

Or parents letting their kids hare around in shops and run into you.

That sort of thing.

OP posts:

TooManyMochas · 02/04/2015 20:01

Speaking as a foreigner who's lived in the UK for almost ten years, I think British people in their 50s and 60s are far ruder than the generations below or above them. They can be spectacularly sour, entitled and lacking in self-awareness looking at you MIL. My English DH thinks so too.

TooManyMochas · 02/04/2015 20:02

...but they are punctual bless'em --to an anal degree-. I think that's just growing up before mobile phones made it easier to change plans at the last minute.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 02/04/2015 20:04

I agree OP.
I do a lot for the PTA - tuck shops, cake stalls, BBQs etc. Primary school, very middle class area. The children who say please and thank you and don't just point and grunt at what they want to buy (one o'them, one o'them ....), stick out like a sore thumb. It must be learned so I asume many of their parents are equally rude to people who serve them in shops etc.
Likewise I hate it when someone is serving you in a shop while chatting to their mate, and they don't greet you, say please or thank you or goodbye, they just go on autopilot, take the money and ring it up and hand over the change all without even looking at the customer. We would have been in huge trouble for being so rude when I worked on the deli in tesco as a student!
I've also worked in clothes shops, so I hate the totally disinterested blank looks you get thesedays from many shop staff who just shrug when you ask if they stock such-a-thing or have something in a different size etc. There is no going out of their way to help the customer, it's as if they genuinely see no link between the customers good experience, and their own wages!
Yes of course there are good examples too, but generally "service" is bad thesedays, but equally people don't respect and thank those who serve them.

flabbyducks · 02/04/2015 20:06

do you think it's always been the same or do you think we notice it more as we get older ?

wigglesrock · 02/04/2015 20:12

I agree with toomanymochas I think people of my parents generation were much quicker to comment on accents, where you lived etc - a lot of people my parents knew were very quick to point out "rough accents", "rough schools" etc, but they're great queuers .

Original poster

Salmotrutta · 02/04/2015 20:12

TooMany - but I'm in my 50s and im not ruder than the older or younger generation! So I don't think you can generalise can you?

I also do notice that quite a lot of parents don't teach their children not to interrupt. And I don't mean little children, I mean older children children.

I can also mentally reel off lots of colleagues who just walk into the staffroom and loudly interrupt conversations without saying "Excuse me, sorry to interrupt but..."

OP posts:

Original poster

Salmotrutta · 02/04/2015 20:13

I think I must be noticing more as I get older!!

OP posts:

chickenfuckingpox · 02/04/2015 20:20

so today i was waiting in a queue (of three i was the third) to pay for a train ticket the train was in 15 minutes plenty of time suddenly i was shoved from behind by a woman who went to the other ticket counter which had just opened she got her tickets but the lady in front of me called out excuse me there is a queue you know she responded with such vitriol it astounded us all about how important her appointment was and how she could be disabled for all we know and how she needed to catch her train! the ticket lady chimed in with how she shouldn't jump queues either and she raged at her also (note i have said nothing at all) she was catching the same train as me she was on the platform telling another lady about being told off because she queue jumped and telling her how important it was etc then she got on the phone telling someone how she was told off for apparently queue jumping and she didnt feel it was fair she needed to get to her appointment didnt anyone understand this yes she was fine a bit shaken but she was still going to her appointment gets on the train still mouthing to everyone (seriously this is over 25 minutes by now) and she is still going on this time she is pointing and scowling to me and my children when she gets off the train (finally) she walks past the carriage im in with my children glaring the eyes of death at me

i said nothing i was just about it all i literally said nothing to her about anything to be on the receiving end of the scowls and the glares!

and she FUCKING WELL DID QUEUE JUMP!

your right op there is a distinct lack of manners these days

Original poster

Salmotrutta · 02/04/2015 20:38

Fell better chicken?

OP posts:

Happy36 · 02/04/2015 20:38

The phone thing is awful. Put them away! I find it so rude when people look at their phones when we've met for a beer or coffee or lunch.

chickenfuckingpox · 02/04/2015 20:53

i do actually thank-you

CwtchCorner · 02/04/2015 21:02

I think people are getting more rude, or maybe our expectations are changing?

First World problem time - two colleagues are standing talking in the corridor but have not left space for you to walk behind either one of them so you have to walk through the middle. Do you say excuse me and walk through or say excuse me and wait for one of them to move?

Original poster

Salmotrutta · 02/04/2015 21:08

In your scenario Cwtch I would say "Excuse me please", wait then if no movement I'd repeat.

If still no movement id say "Move, bitch!"-

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atonofwashing · 02/04/2015 21:13

Oh, yes there certainly is an epidemic of rudeness. I do believe that.

Maybe it's got a lot to do with getting older and less tolerant that we think this, or maybe it's got something to do with the fact that we live lives of instant gratification?

No one has to or wants to wait for anything, just interrupt or bulldoze your way thru a conversation if you're not being attended to straight away. Adults are just as bad at this, if not worse than children. People Jump red lights at the traffic lights, cancel invitations at the last minute cause u can't be arsed, bullying mums in the playground, shoddy customer service, except it seems in waitrose and John Lewis ( iMe). God, the list is endless.

Some folk have no sense of loyalty to their friends, everyone and everything is completely disposable.

It's really terribly sad. I miss the old days of people going the extra length, just because they want to make a customer happy, etc. It's so rare these days. I was raised that way, but feel myself giving up as I just end up feeling used. But I am hugely grateful when someone is grateful and happy for a job well done. And there are good people out there. It's just hander to find them...

IME.

NutcrackerFairy · 02/04/2015 21:15

Yes, chicken, that does sound like you struck a spectacularly rude individual but it hardly indicates an epidemic of rudeness does it?

It seems there were a few people who felt this lady was out of line and were prepared to call her out on it.

I think that there has always been and always will be rude people in society.

For example, in the past there was probably more overt racism and sexism and rude comments around these.

Nowadays I think there is more rudeness around technology, i.e. people cancelling arrangements at the last minute via text or email, or running late and thinking it's ok because they can just ring the person and let them know, or having one eye on their mobile whilst they are meant to be having a proper conversation with the person sat in front of them.

Swings and roundabouts.

CwtchCorner · 02/04/2015 21:17

Some folk have no sense of loyalty to their friends, everyone and everything is completely disposable.

^^ This - and it's made extremely clear when you are one of the disposable people.

WorraLiberty · 02/04/2015 21:20

Nice post TooManyMochas, racist and ageist there...

Original poster

Salmotrutta · 02/04/2015 21:21

I do think technology plays a part too with some types of rudeness tbh.

It's probably tempting to cancel/ditch/call off things by text (which is rude!) rather than be bothered phoning someone to actually apologise or do it face to face.

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WorraLiberty · 02/04/2015 21:22

And YANBU OP, especially about the interrupting thing.

I think I know just as many parents who don't tell their kids not to interrupt as those who do...so it's about 50-50 which is really odd compared to when I was a kid.

Unless the house was about to burn down, you didn't interrupt.

Original poster

Salmotrutta · 02/04/2015 21:23

You have a point there worra!

I've met quite a few rude people in France, Italy, Spain....etc.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 02/04/2015 21:24

Sorry, I know this is a bit off topic but talking about technology...

I also think it encourages some people to complain about the slightest little thing. So the sort of person who wouldn't dare send a half cooked meal back in a restaurant, has no problem firing off an email to a store manager because the person on the till didn't smile at them. Or the person on the till did smile at them....take your pick!

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