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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 'can I come?' means you want to come

32 replies

SEmyarse · 01/04/2015 19:16

I just mentioned to the kids that I was popping to the shop this evening.

Dd1 'Can I come?'

Me 'Sure. i'm leaving in 10 minutes.'

10 minutes later, no sign of movement.

Me 'I'm going now, so you need to get your shoes on.'

Dd1 'What? I'm not coming'

Me 'But you asked to come'

Dd1 'No I didn't. i asked if I COULD.'

so now we're stuck in a ludicrous conversation. She insists theres no indication in her question that she wanted to come. I want to know why the hell she asked if she COULD come if she had no intention, I'm not generally known for putting my kids under house arrest.

it means you want to come, right?

OP posts:
woowoo22 · 01/04/2015 19:16

YANBU

YANBU

YANBFU

Salmotrutta · 01/04/2015 19:18

Technically... it means she is capable of coming.

"May" I come? would mean she was seeking permission to come with you.

Original poster
SEmyarse · 01/04/2015 19:18

glad to hear it

OP posts:
TheMoa · 01/04/2015 19:18

'Can I come' is a ruse.

If you say 'no', they know you have something interesting in mind.

Salmotrutta · 01/04/2015 19:19

I think she is winding you up with pedantry OP Grin

Littlef00t · 01/04/2015 19:19

Ah, the sad issue that comes with children not learning the difference between 'may' and 'can' then having the audacity to use 'can' in its true sense of the word.

Original poster
SEmyarse · 01/04/2015 19:20

Well yes, we're stuck with the technical bit. I have to accept that it technical means 'is she able to come?' but that's madness. Surely the accepted practice is that its asking permission to tag along.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 01/04/2015 19:20

That's what I meant Littlefoot Grin

DoJo · 01/04/2015 19:21

Don't make me post this link again! Oh - too late...
www.oxforddictionaries.com/words/can-or-may

Original poster
SEmyarse · 01/04/2015 19:23

Yes yes yes, the may/can thing. i understand.

But if we're taking it literally why did she ask if she COULD come?

OP posts:
oddfodd · 01/04/2015 19:24

Next time, assume she doesn't want to. Then ignore her protests when you leave without her. I suspect that will be a useful lesson Grin

sunbathe · 01/04/2015 19:25

Probably thought you were off to buy Easter eggs.

SilverBirch2015 · 01/04/2015 19:27

I wandered into this thread because I was misled by the word "come".Grin

Now in some weird discussion about may and can.

PeaceOfWildThings · 01/04/2015 19:29

Uuugh, used to get this a lot. Just to be on the safe side though, make sure it's not rooted in depression/low self esteem/mh problems, associated difficulty making decisions (was for DD)...

LineRunner · 01/04/2015 19:30

God I thought it was about entitled sex stuff too.

Original poster
SEmyarse · 01/04/2015 19:30

Actually i've realised the can/may thing doesn't solve anything.

If she'd asked 'may I come?' she would have ascertained that she was allowed to come but still not indicated any intention. Hence I think we need to fall back on accepted practice.

OP posts:
Lweji · 01/04/2015 19:32

If you had said no, you'd have had a tantrum.
Next time, just get ready and leave without her if she's not by the door.

Koalafications · 01/04/2015 19:32

Yes, SilverBirch I thought this may have been a conversation about someone being ultra polite re:ejaculation.

Lweji · 01/04/2015 19:32

Or ask her "why do you ask".

Original poster
SEmyarse · 01/04/2015 19:33

I thought this was all light hearted, but dd1 does have dreadful trouble making decisions and suffers for low self esteem so I'm intrigued what peace means.

At present though she seems in top form arguing me round in circles, which is actually pretty out of character for her.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 01/04/2015 19:33

Sorry OP Blush

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 01/04/2015 19:34

Oh god. This was me. Blush on behalf of your daughter. We're sorry.

Original poster
SEmyarse · 01/04/2015 19:35

It's OK, as soon as I'd posted I knew what would happen.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 01/04/2015 19:36

May I offer you some Flowers in recompense. Not much I know.

shewept · 01/04/2015 19:37

The title of this thread really had me expecting something else Shock

Op next time, say 'yes' and then leave without her. If she moans tell her she didn't say she was coming with you. And then call her a smart arseGrin