To think 'can I come?' means you want to come

[SEmyarse]

I just mentioned to the kids that I was popping to the shop this evening.

Dd1 'Can I come?'

Me 'Sure. i'm leaving in 10 minutes.'

10 minutes later, no sign of movement.

Me 'I'm going now, so you need to get your shoes on.'

Dd1 'What? I'm not coming'

Me 'But you asked to come'

Dd1 'No I didn't. i asked if I COULD.'

so now we're stuck in a ludicrous conversation. She insists theres no indication in her question that she wanted to come. I want to know why the hell she asked if she COULD come if she had no intention, I'm not generally known for putting my kids under house arrest.

it means you want to come, right?

Oh op, I think they're being lighthearted with the pedantry. We know it's just arsey kid behaviour. I'm fully expecting it myself. I could be a right tool. :o

I'd totally expect this from ds, he's the smartarse. But it's totally out of character for dd1, and I'm pretty surprised that she even understands what she did.

She's seems PROPERLY surprised that I expected her to go. 'But it's cold and windy, why would I go out?'

Sorry, I have only just read the thread again, so just seen the bit about 'intrigued by what peace means'. Sorry if I worried you!
One of the things DD struggles with more now (to do with social anxiety to some extent but more to do with depression, eating disorder and identity which has become apparent over the last couple of years) is difficulty with making decisions. Ages ago, the scene you describe was a common event. Before we recognised the problem was going to need professional help and advice, and would develop into all this, we had many times when she would do this, or similar. She still has trouble making decisions on bad days. It's like she has the sword of Damocles above her, ready to fall if she makes the 'wrong' decision, and she often will do nothing rather than risk whatever internal bad feelings result from doing something.

But sometimes 'can I come?' is looking at my reaction. (Does your facial expression show you like her company?) Or nosiness (What's mum up to?) Or fear you'll buy something she's anxious about. (Is mum going to mind if I go or is she going to buy secret Easter eggs.) So now I tell her I she is great company, that we're all going dairy free and I don't have secrets but sometimes I like shopping on my own, at my own pace; sometimes I prefer some help.

Next time she says, 'can I have something to eat?' Say 'yes, of course!' And then make yourself a sandwich.

I think she is going to be a MN'er when she grows up.

ha she's learning to do a wind up :-)