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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be jealous of SAHP DH during school hols?

58 replies

AugustaGloop · 01/04/2015 18:07

DH has been a SAHP (his decision) since about Sept. Previously we had nannies. DDs are 10 and 11.

I have been feeling quite jealous of DH this week. They have had a couple of lovely days out, met up with friends etc. More lovely plans next week. Apart from the bank hols and one additional day, I will be at work. I am feeling quite jealous. I would not want them just to stay in, and if there is something I particularly wanted to do I am sure they would not do it without me and would wait for the weekend. So it is not that.

This is the first longer holiday since DH has been a SAHP (well, there was Christmas but I had a decent amount of time off then) so I suspect I will feel like this over the summer too.

I did not feel like this when we had a nanny (who also used to do nice things with the DC during school hols). Why does if it feel worse that it is DH getting to spend all that lovely time with them?

AIBU to feel like this?

OP posts:

6hearts4humphrey · 02/04/2015 12:53

OP, I am in the same position as you. I don't feel jealous of my husband but sad that I am also not spending the holidays with the DCs. I feel the same every year with the main Summer holidays being the worst. However, I am resentful of having to do so much at the weekends when really it could be done during the week to allow some fun days out for me during the weekend.

NeedABumChange · 02/04/2015 13:00

How odd to become a sahp when your children are at the age most stop needing childcare

I mean they must both nearly be in secondary school. That's when the majority of children get a house key, walk home, do homework and amuse themselves until parents get in from work. So he's not really stopped work to be a sahp has he, he's just stopped working?

rollonthesummer · 02/04/2015 13:10

So he's not really stopped work to be a sahp has he, he's just stopped working?

This!

Original poster

AugustaGloop · 02/04/2015 13:19

6 hearts, I think that is probably a better (and healthier) way to describe it, i.e I am sad not to be with them rather than jealous as such.

NeedABum, my DH would probably say that he is temporarily a SAHD while he figures out what to do next (and his last job ending happened to coincide with our nanny leaving so it was convenient). Our circumstances mean that he does not have to rush to take a job that is not ideal, and I would be happy for him to requalify etc if that is what he wanted. The problem is that he does not really know what he wants to do. He has applied for very few jobs and does not seem to be doing any networking etc to figure out what might be feasible. He is absolutely lovely and also very intelligent and well qualified, but I think that he is not a very proactive person (this is probably also why he has not fully stepped up in taking over more at home).

The kind of job he wold like is one that is interesting and challenging (and he is qualified for such a job), but one that he can just get on and do, rather than one that requires him to exercise leadership skills over a team, or be proactive in thinking about how the job could be done more efficiently etc.

OP posts:

MrsDonovan · 02/04/2015 13:23

I work 4 days per week starting at 3pm including weekends and while I am at home I do as much housework as I can ( 3 DC are all under 4 so completely different ! ) .

When DH at home he also does as much as he can which is more than me as he is OCD !

As a family we both take responsibility so on our precious 1 day off together each week we can spend that time with the kids and not doing housework then.

I think your DH absolutely should be doing 100% of all housework given your current circumstances and ages of DC , and understand how you feel about it as my DH is jealous of me being at home more as he would love to be a SAHD if we could afford it.

Hope things get better for you OP :)

MrsFlannel · 02/04/2015 14:33

I work only a few hours a week from home...about 10...and I do all of the housework! Of course I do! My DH is out of the house from 7.30am to about 7.00pm daily...6 days a week sometimes and he is knackered and only wants to spend time with us when he's home.

merrymouse · 02/04/2015 14:48

Could it be that your children are growing older and he is getting to take advantage of those last holidays when they really want to do parent led activities?

I'm depressing myself saying that as my children are a similar age. I think 'tween' children are great - independent enough not to be a constant drama, young enough to still 'need' parenting.

But it won't last forever, sob.

(Although I know some great teenagers so it can't be all bad!)

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 02/04/2015 14:49

YANBU to feel jealous OP. I'm a SAHP to a toddler and while DH knows it's not all sunshine and flowers I know he is jealous that I get to spend so much time doing nice things with DDa. It's completely natural!

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