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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I had a sense of humour failure (possible triggering)

32 replies

mindexplode · 01/04/2015 12:54

A friend of mine has posted the results and scan of a baby on fb as good news between him and his gf.

Its all an aprils fools joke.

Before congratulating him I PM'd him to make sure its true first, he assured me it was

He knows I have had infertility issues.

I called him out on him and apprently I shouldn't make him feel bad as I still have my children (after years of tears and heartbreak)

AIBU reasonable in this?

I want to defriend him, but I have a history of behaving rashly

OP posts:
CrispyFern · 01/04/2015 12:55

Defriend him because it's a shit joke that plainly isn't funny. Why is it funny to pretend to be having a baby? He sounds boring and immature.

GraysAnalogy · 01/04/2015 12:58

To be honest all these years I've never thought anything of it, never done it myself but thought it was one of those not really funny but cliche april fools.

It's only when someone posted a picture to my Facebook saying the heartbreak it can cause and how it's taking the piss out of those who have struggled with infertility, that I thought yeah that's right.

I'd genuinely never thought about it like that - maybe this man is the same.

That doesn't excuse it, and you're not unreasonable at all. The fact he confirmed via PM too makes him a nob.

JustNameChanged · 01/04/2015 12:59

If you had just congratulated him then found out I'd think maybe being a bit rash and he just didn't think of you or have much sense of humour but seems as you went out of you way to find out it was true then be reassured to then find out it's all a joke is wrong of him and I don't think you'd be rash to unfriendly him Thanks

YouBetterWerk · 01/04/2015 12:59

I'm sorry to hear about your infertility issues Flowers. His comment about 'not making him feel bad because you still have your children' were really insensitive.
Is it just that it was an April Fools joke that has upset you? Or would you be upset even if it was genuine? I think YAB a bit U to call him out on an April fools joke, it was only a silly prank that lots of people would have fallen for and I'm not sure he would have meant it maliciously.

FatFromAllTheMassiveEggs · 01/04/2015 13:00

I think it's just a crappy joke and i wouldn't take it too seriously.

RainbowFlutterby · 01/04/2015 13:00

Was it 'out there' to fool everyone, or just private between the two of you?

If it was the former then I think yabu a little bit. People do have different sense of humours and there may be others in the friendship group who would find it amusing.

If it was the latter then yanbu.

FatFromAllTheMassiveEggs · 01/04/2015 13:01

I assume he meant you have kids and if you had not been able to have any he could see why it would upset you.

treaclesoda · 01/04/2015 13:01

I hate this particular April Fools joke, it is really insensitive. He sounds like a knob.

liveloveluggage · 01/04/2015 13:02

I think its a bit of a crass "joke" but ok some of his fb friends might laugh, and he may not have thought of your problems when posting. But it was really insensitive to pm you and continue the trick.

Original poster
mindexplode · 01/04/2015 13:04

fatfromallthemassiveeggs

for your comment, would it matter if I had my children through adoption rather then biologically?

OP posts:
tumbletumble · 01/04/2015 13:05

YANBU to defriend him on FB. It's always ok IMO to defriend someone if you find their posts annoying for whatever reason.

However, if he's a good friend, I would try to see past this IRL.

Coumarin · 01/04/2015 13:07

Yanbu. It's a really shit 'joke' but them most April Fool's are. I just don't get it. There are a few people on here today telling their DH's that they're pregnant when they're not. With hilarious results no doubt Hmm
Just seems like a horrible thing to do or make light of to me.

However, I would've left it. Most people who haven't experienced fertility issues are oblivious to the feelings of those who have.

Coumarin · 01/04/2015 13:07

I say 'most' not all. ^

MammaTJ · 01/04/2015 13:08

I have three people on my friends list who are struggling with this issue. One of them shared this pic, so I did too. I have had no one on my list say they are pregnant.
The one who had shared it had. She was very upset.

Have I had a sense of humour failure (possible triggering)
KittyandTeal · 01/04/2015 13:09

I'd say that was pretty shitty. There are just some things you don't joke about and having a baby is one of them.

It is so upsetting for some people to see these scan pics popping up all over FB that one as a joke just isn't funny.

It's been 2 months since I had a tfmr at 22 weeks. I think that 'prank' on FB would have broken me today.

WorraLiberty · 01/04/2015 13:23

It's a bit silly and a boring, unoriginal 'joke'.

But perhaps he just forgot about your infertility problems OP?

I've only got 52 friends on my FB and yet I wouldn't remember what problems half of them have.

FatFromAllTheMassiveEggs · 01/04/2015 13:42

Mind I am telling you what I thought he meant, not what my opinion is

FatFromAllTheMassiveEggs · 01/04/2015 13:43

I had to have major surgery to have my DD and had been told I probably couldnt have kids, BTW.

LunaMay · 01/04/2015 13:56

It was pretty crappy of him to confirm it after you checked with him but it was just a joke. I don't find it particularly funny but its not the worse thing.

Ive seen variations of the pic mammatj posted today and i admit they annoy me. If i had to think about every little thing that could upset somebody i'd go mad. Its no-ones fault if someone has fertility issues and people shouldnt have to censor themselves 'just in case', thats my opinion anyway...

Charlotte3333 · 01/04/2015 14:00

I don't get jokes like that. It's always got the potential to hurt someone even if it's done in jest. There are some things you don't joke about.

WorraLiberty · 01/04/2015 14:10

Some people just don't think though.

Take the OP for example. Without thinking this through, she's posted about it on MN and just put (possible triggering) in the title.

This tells people absolutely nothing about the thread content, so in effect she might have inadvertently upset people too, just like her FB friend.

YouBetterWerk · 01/04/2015 14:29

There are some things you just don't joke about

But he wasn't joking about infertility, he put up a 'joke' pregnancy announcement. I think it's very different.

I think we all agree that to carry it on in a PM was mean, but I highly doubt it was posted to make fun of those who have fertility issues.

ChipDip · 01/04/2015 14:29

I would be surprised if your friend had your fertility issues at the forefront of his mind and did this intentionally to you. This joke is done year in year out. I think you should block him if you want but I wouldn't take it too seriously.

ConfusedintheNorth · 01/04/2015 14:49

I'm with LunaMay, everything you say or do could possibly have the potential to upset someone in some way. You can't spend your life censoring everything you say or do because someone somewhere might get upset.

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 01/04/2015 15:53

It is a stupid joke, I had someone do this last year (not even AFD), I was miscarriaging at the time. However, it's just a prank, you can no more stop people doing it as much as you can avoid real pregnancy announcements. It's just a very 'easy' one to pull, not that many AFD jokes are that good. I agree, either delete or ignore your friend.

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