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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think I should keep engagement ring?

56 replies

moifem · 01/04/2015 10:38

Divorced. I still wear my engagement ring. I find it beautiful and it has nice memories attached. ExH think I should give it back as I have broken the contract (typicult, refusal to acknowledge his share of responsibility...I have to carry all the guilt).
He says that's what usually happens in England. He says we should divide the money of the ring for the kids future. How very generous of him! I think it is one of my personal possession and that I should decide if at some stage I want to put it towards the kids future.
Feeling pissed off!

OP posts:

PurpleSwift · 01/04/2015 11:27

It depends. Was it a family ring passed down through generations? If not then YANBU, keep it.

Brummiegirl15 · 01/04/2015 11:32

My understanding was that engagement ring is about an intention to getting married. If you don't get married, the ring should be returned. (My DP's ex has actually finally returned her engagement ring - we've been together 3 years and they've been apart for 4!) but if married, it's most definitely yours

Pasithea · 01/04/2015 11:37

I kept all my engagement rings. Now in my relationship mausoleum.

MrsFlannel · 01/04/2015 11:41

I can't understand why a man would want it back! It's not his in the first place and even if the engagement was broken...what's he going to do? Give it to another woman? Ew!
If not...will he sell it? Tacky.

shewept · 01/04/2015 11:41

discounted you are wrong. Sorry. In my friends case she called off the engagement, had to give the ring back. Its possible it was an heirloom. Although I'm not 100%

soapboxqueen · 01/04/2015 11:54

Under UK law it's a gift so no demands can be placed on its return. However people may choose to return it.

RedRugNoniMouldiesEtc · 01/04/2015 11:56

Pp are right, morally, it should be returned if you broke off the engagement before marriage or it is an heirloom. As you did marry and he is suggesting selling it (so no sentimental attachment) then you are under no obligation. The short answer is sod off

AdeleDazeem · 01/04/2015 12:01

You are under no obligation to return your engagement ring once the marriage has taken place regardless of who ended the marriage.

SnotQueen · 01/04/2015 12:09

Lol @ relationship mausoleum

stormtreader · 01/04/2015 12:15

Isn't it the wedding ring that's the contract? I always thought the engagement ring was an old-fashioned way of the man saying "I'm giving you this expensive present to prove to you I'm serious about the intention to marry you and prove I'm a good provider".

It was a contract in a sense from him to you to show his good faith, not from you to him. It's yours, he's out of luck.

fredfredgeorgejnr · 01/04/2015 12:45

"He says we should divide the money of the ring for the kids future"

Seems reasonable to me, but you don't have to, you can keep it if you'd rather...

wanttosqueezeyou · 01/04/2015 12:49

Are there any gifts you gave him during your marriage?

Will he be selling them and dividing the money between the kids?

Penfold007 · 01/04/2015 12:52

If you'd only been engaged and never married the ring should go back to the giver.

You married him and so completed the contract, you keep the ring.

fatlazymummy · 01/04/2015 13:03

No, a wedding ring isn't a contract. The actual contract is the vows and the marriage certificate. A wedding ring is just a custom really, not part of the legal contract.
Again, a wedding ring would belong to the person it was given to.

BatteryPoweredHen · 01/04/2015 13:13

The ring is presumed to be an absolute gift, this is a rebuttable presumption - so if the giver can demonstrate that there was an intention that the gift was conditional, and the marriage didn't go ahead, then the ring should be returned.

In the US, an engagement ring is a conditional gift, so if the marriage doesn't go ahead, then the ring should be returned.

BitterChocolate · 01/04/2015 13:21

If it's very valuable then I think it should have been listed as a marital asset and its value taken into account when calculating the settlement. If the settlement is done, then IMO he has missed his chance. It's not as though you were hiding it, he knew you had it but you both forgot to take it into account. If you haven't reached a financial agreement yet then get some professional advice about whether you need to add it in to the settlement.

I think it might be likely that if you don't put a full stop to him now, then he'll be coming back and asking for half of other stuff too.

Bogeyface · 01/04/2015 13:30

I dont know the law on this but when a family member got divorced her ex wanted her rings back. She was happy to give the engagement ring back as it was a family heirloom but wanted to keep her (v v valuable) eternity ring. In the finish it was judged to be a gift and she was allowed to keep it without it affecting the settlement. The main thrust of the argument was that unless all gifts given during the marriage were also treated in the same way, ie as assets of the marriage and spilt accordingly, then the ring was hers by right.

GraysAnalogy · 01/04/2015 13:37

I think it depends if it was a family heirloom or one he bought. Family heirloom I'd give back. Bought? Keep it.

ApocalypseThen · 01/04/2015 13:37

"He says we should divide the money of the ring for the kids future"

Obviously I have no idea what the ring is like (for all I know the stone could be the pink panther), but assuming it's a normal ring in the c.5-1ct/G-I colour/SI2 category, he does know that the resale value would be roughly 1/3 of the purchase price and as such, not really worth selling except for spite?

comingintomyown · 01/04/2015 13:47

Tell him to do one honestly bet your glad he's you ex

missDori · 01/06/2017 07:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BettySmut · 01/06/2017 07:46

This thread is over 2 years old

gamerchick · 01/06/2017 07:49

Plugging a blog zombie

QueenOfRubovia · 01/06/2017 08:12

But after years of marriage? No. It was a 'promise to marry' and you did. It's yours

This.

thethoughtfox · 01/06/2017 08:19

It's a gift. However, still wearing the ring which is a symbol of your shared love and promise to be together is odd after a divorce. Putting the money to the children's future is a nice idea ( unless you may need it for a rainy day) but 'splitting' it with him, no. Is the issue more that he thinks he can tell you what to do?

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