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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

rsvps

34 replies

Sandbrook · 01/04/2015 00:03

Apologies if this has been done before but we have received a wedding invite today. No rsvp cards enclosed just an email address to confirm to.
Mil & fil are also invited & mil has just rang asking if I want her to pick up an rsvp card for me while she's getting hers.
I told her I was just responding by email as invite instructed but mil is saying that it's rude of me not to send an rsvp. Also rude of b&g not to send them in the first place.

I don't care what b&g send or don't send ... It's their wedding but am rethinking reply.
Is sending an rsvp card rude?
Should I just reply by email?

Etiquette consensus please? I think I am of the opinion, you do as they do so email it is??

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 01/04/2015 00:06

To be honest I don't think they'll care either way, as long as they know whether you're attending or not.

I expect they put email because it's the easiest way, but I'm sure they'd be happy to receive a nice RSVP care through the post.

WorraLiberty · 01/04/2015 00:07

*card - not care

KeturahLee · 01/04/2015 00:07

If they want replies by email then do that.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/04/2015 00:07

If they asked for confirmation by email, that is perfectly polite. A nice card would be fine too, particularly if this is the first you're hearing of them getting engaged, but not required.

PoundingTheStreets · 01/04/2015 00:09

Perhaps they're thinking of the environment?

I would say it's perfectly acceptable to simply RSVP through email. However, it is very much a generational thing, just as money for honeymoons rather than a traditional wedding list is viewed as abhorrent by some.

Ultimately, personal opinion, but if the B&G say email is ok, I'd hazard a guess that email is ok.

Original poster

Sandbrook · 01/04/2015 00:21

Must be a classic generational scenario so.
I'm off to email confirmation of attendance (just wish mil sending a regret but hey that's another days mn'ing.

Thanks for replies

OP posts:

drbonnieblossman · 01/04/2015 00:22

I think an actual card is good though if they've requested by email then that's the way

Not unreasonable for b and g to not provide the rsvp card though. This practice seemed to start shortly after I married and ice always thought it a strange thing to do

honeyroar · 01/04/2015 00:22

I had no idea that you were meant to send a card until I got married myself and received loads! I'd always accepted in person before, or phoned, occasionally sending a letter. Personally I couldn't have given a flying fig how people replied, I just wanted an idea of numbers.

drbonnieblossman · 01/04/2015 00:22

i've

PeriodMath · 01/04/2015 00:26

Of course it's a generational thing. Let her do it her way, you do it yours. Neither will cause offence. Move on.

GammaDelta · 01/04/2015 00:53

Email Email Email... It's the tech savvy bng we ate talking about. ..

GammaDelta · 01/04/2015 00:53

are*

TwoOddSocks · 01/04/2015 10:21

They'd probably prefer email, that way they can add your name to their list on their computer/tablet. That said I count they'll care either way, they'll just be happy you RSVPd in good time.

AuntieStella · 01/04/2015 10:28

Email if that's what's asked for.

Letter as well if someone feels the need for a written version. No need to get a special card.

Creatureofthenight · 01/04/2015 10:32

I only gave email/phone no. on my wedding invites, it saved money, and the environment! And I didn't have to worry about RSVPs getting lost in the post...

shewept · 01/04/2015 10:36

I would email. That's what they provided. An rsvp needs to followed up anyway because it could get lost in the post.

roofio87 · 01/04/2015 10:44

I only included an email for rsvps as I didn't want hundreds of wasteful cards showing up on my door mat. some people did send them and I made a note and threw them straight in the recycling. if they have asked for email then that's perfectly fine.

youmakemydreams · 01/04/2015 11:00

I am sending mine out soon and have given a lot of options to rsvp. They can email or even text or post a card should they wish to. I'm not fussed. Whatever is easiest for the person replying as long as they reply. If they have given an email address it is perfectly fine to do that.

Discounted · 01/04/2015 11:10

I've never heard of RSVP card being included with the invitation.

A card is nicer, shows a bit of effort etc but if they've asked for email, that's fine.

Are you replying the to B&G or the Bride's parents? That makes a difference. If the parents are organising, you can expect it to be more formal/adhere more to the old etiquette.

MarwoodsMate · 01/04/2015 11:15

I would email but don't think an rsvp is rude either. Maybe follow up email with a phone call to make sure they've got it ok?

TheBooMonster · 01/04/2015 11:16

I gave a physical address, email addresses and mobile phone numbers for people to rsvp to, email and text are less likely to get lost in the post and get to me quicker. I was shocked by the number of rsvp cards I received, but they were all from the generation of people who expect thank you cards...

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 01/04/2015 11:33

We've asked people to either email, fill in an online form or send the enclosed RSVP back to us if they prefer, I couldn't care less which one they use, as long as they get back to us! Obviously sending back something costs a stamp (we haven't sent a stamped envelope with them), so best for them if they choose one of the first 2.

maliaki · 01/04/2015 11:38

B&g are not rude, it's costly and wasteful to include envelopes since a lot of people call or email anyway. It's not rude to use their chosen media. It doesn't hurt to send a card but given they've said by email it would probably go in recycling not be kept.

Momagain1 · 01/04/2015 11:44

I never heard of an RSVP card that the guest would buy to send. Only the kind the host enclosed. If she feels driven to write, a note would do. She should have monogrammed stationary just for such needs.

Your MIL is risking the card being opened, then set aside until whoever is kerping tabs on email responses goes to do a count. And her card remaining in a pocket or handbag or over there on the mantel piece, never counted in. Though someone might remember they got a card from someone, was it a couple?

Maybe you should put a PS on your email, telling them your MIL is writing an RSVP for her & FIL. just in case.

EdithWeston · 01/04/2015 11:44

"I've never heard of RSVP card being included with the invitation."

It was a new Big Thing in the 1980s. Allegedly practical (because all your RSVPs were the same size and could be standardised to fit a card index, and would have all the info you actually wanted/needed eg veggie food in a form you found user friendly) they were actually an early shot at increasing spending on wedding stationery.

And of course they didn't necessarily give the practical benefits because there would always be a few people who lost them, whose dog ate them, or just thought it was wrong not to write the proper (3rd person, centred) formal letter.

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