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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get the train set?

98 replies

inflagrantedelicto · 31/03/2015 08:39

Ds is desperate for the Lego train set, he's been wanting it for the past 4/5 years. At £100+ I've always said no.

But, I've found it on amazon for £69. It's his birthday in April, and we budget £60 for presents. Ds has AS and has always been really into trains.

However dp doesn't want me to, because its feeding his obsession, and the possibility he'll no longer want it once he has it. Plus the factor it'll be on his bedroom floor, small bedroom that he shares.

Aibu to just get him that and not much else? Ds does understand how much it is, he spent the other day on meltdown because he only has £15 and it'll take forever to save up enough, so he should understand that part- he'll be 11.

OP posts:
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Lilicat1013 · 31/03/2015 11:46

Do it! He would be so happy and excited. Plus if you don't the obsession will just remain, everyone remembers that one toy they desperately wanted and didn't get as a child. It sounds like he will get a lot out of it and it will be very worth if for him.

In your position my main worry would be ensuring it was fair on the sibling he shares a room with.

I have two autistic boys, the older of the two is obsessed with animals and has a vast collection of Schleich animals. I still got him more for his birthday and he is so happy with them. I got him a saw fish, a Guinea pig, a dog, a meerkat and an owl. He is carrying them round as a little group and taking them to bed each night.

When went to the zoo for the day and I picked up two little Schleich snakes for his Christmas stocking. So I am always of the view to allow them their obsessions.

I suppose I can understand it I have a huge X Files collection that I am constantly adding to. I currently have 12 X Files items waiting to be delivered and 7 on preorder.

OOAOML · 31/03/2015 11:56

My son has AS and for his birthday we got him the Lego Simpsons House which he had been after for ages. It was way over our budget but he has a January birthday and we agreed with him that he'd put in Christmas money and Grandparents also joined in. He loves it, and gets lots of use out of it making his own stop-motion films.

If you know your son, and how long he sticks with an obsession, why not? And if he's going to enjoy playing with it, designing track layouts etc, what is wrong with feeding the obsession?

We do have issues with Lego left over the floor sometimes (also limited space and shared bedroom) but we set rules around what can be left up and where.

PrincessPilolevuofTONGA · 31/03/2015 12:25

Get it and get it soon. Often prices shoot back up bitter voice

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 31/03/2015 13:22

Please get it for him. If he has ASD then other toys may not mean as much or be as accessible.

My ds had loads of lego and it was played with did many years.

There are some good suggestions here about how to cope with the train set in a small space.

BarbarianMum · 31/03/2015 13:32

Get it.

The good thing about having a train obsession is that, should your son never grow out of it, he will have plenty of other people to socialise with.

My dBiL (Aspergers) is a member of the local model railway society and has a great time there on Sundays - their site is an area of woodland all laid with tracks and turntables in different gauges and all though the summer they turn out, re-engineer and play test their engines. He also helps out with real steam engines for a week each summer on the Severn Railway.

The other 6 days of the week he is a software engineer with a wife, two kids and a dog.

HappydaysArehere · 31/03/2015 14:30

It's educational, absorbing and he can use his creativity. Money won't be wasted. My bet is the older one will become involved. Go with it and sort anything out if necessary. I had my grandsons' fort with a multitude of soldiers etc in my front room for years. It cost a lot as soldiers and horses had clothing, tankards of beer and plates of food; a dragon breathing fire and a maiden needing rescue etc etc. One brother played with it for around five years and then the younger took over. At long last we put it in the loft but the soldiers etc were put in a box in the spare bedroom. When the fourteen year old stayed overnight I caught him absorbed in putting them together. Our investment was used over the years and is now awaiting future use by any great grand children. Cheap as chips if the purchase is traditional and open to imaginative use.

WellTidy · 31/03/2015 14:42

I would get it for him, if it were me. My DS1 is NT but he loves trains and he would absolutely love this toy. I think he is a little young for it, but thats a great price, adn you should take advantage of it. Are you looking at the high speed passeenger train, as I see that is 69 on amazon at the moment? by comparison, the cargo train is 99., which shows that 69 is a good price.

My DS2 has, I believe, ASD. I would definitely get him a toy that he had been asking for for so long. It will help him creatively, socially (he will want to talk to you and others about it) and occupy his mind in a positive way.

I still haven't forgiven my parents for not getting me a Girl's World when I was 8. Smile

littlejohnnydory · 31/03/2015 18:00

I would get it without a shadow of a doubt. Seems very mean to spend £60 on something else when an extra nine pounds could get him his heart's desire.

Your husband doesn't sound very understanding of autism with the talk of 'feeding his obsession'.

BigFatFurryCatPuss · 31/03/2015 18:25

I would definitely get it, DS got the Lego Cargo train set for Christmas and i've just bought the Passenger train set at £69 to put away for his birthday.

Feeding his obsession? Not the best turn of phrase for your DH to use imo. If it makes your DS happy and it's something he loves then go for it, worth every penny.

My DS is NT but is absolutely obsessed with trains, steam trains in particular and loves nothing better than getting lost into his own little world of track building, shunting trucks and running his little railways.

When he is 7 in summer he is getting DH's old Hornby set - he is actually marking off the days on his (steam train!) calender. Like a PP said trains can be a lifetime hobby and passion.

NickiFury · 31/03/2015 18:31

I would. As for the "feeding his obsession" thing that's really made me feel Angry. I have two dc with ASD. These "obsessions" help children with ASD feel safe in a world that is confusing and scary for them daily. What is so bloody wrong with like trains and Lego anyway? ASD or not!

Weebirdie · 31/03/2015 18:41

MY now 24 year old is severely autistic and his life has been enriched with his love of all things trains, and lego to the extent we have cupboards full of lego train sets going back 20 years.

Please buy your son the train set Smile

TheNoodlesIncident · 31/03/2015 19:16

Yes yes yes! (Also has ds with autism who loves his trains, incl Lego ones) It also solves What Can I Buy your DS For His Birthday/Christmas problems because you can say More Track please or the platforms/station we could build a new life size house from our Lego

ahbollocks · 31/03/2015 19:21

Buy it!

Original poster
inflagrantedelicto · 31/03/2015 20:25

Ordered [:)] loving the fold down board idea, dp has a workshop full of wood, so no excuse there [:)] we've both struggled with the learning curve, for dp it's harder because he subconsciously compares ds to his ds. Ds has a massive load of tomica track, it's all gravitated outside and is set up under the playhouse. He tends to take over the sitting room when he sets up indoors, and then spends so long setting up it's time to tidy up again.
His birthday is in 3 weeks time so now to begin sowing the ideas of one big present so he isn't disappointed, however I'll stick a picture of his face on here

OP posts:
eyebags63 · 31/03/2015 21:49

He has wanted it for a long time so obviously not a passing fancy (but all kids get bored with toys anyway?) and it is affordable. I don't understand why you would NOT get it?

As others have stated it could be put on a board and tucked away neatly when not in use.

People with AS have obsessions and fixed interests. These interests are generally relaxing for them.... almost therapeutic. In my experience the obsessions can change but they are always there.

eyebags63 · 31/03/2015 21:51

Not getting something just because it is an AS obsession seems almost cruel to me.... like deliberately buying something they don't want Confused

Greydog · 31/03/2015 21:52

Get him the train set - my son had one and loved it. He didn't get bored with it - he's taken it round to his girlfriends so her nephews play with it now.

MissMuffetisin · 31/03/2015 21:53

Best train set we ever got - easy to fit together, never seemed to have the same problems you have of wobbly connections like you do on Hornby type set ups. Much less fiddly and frustrating. And gives scope for imagination building carriages - and the Lego men get a ride ! What's not to like !

attheendoftheday · 31/03/2015 21:59

I'd buy it. Imagine his face!

I don't buy the idea that 'feeding his obsession' is bad. Your ds won't cease to have ASD because you restrict his access to trains. He will still have ASD, still be obsessed with trains, but with less pleasure and comfort in his life.

Even if he later goes off it he will have had that magic day where he got the toy he's been yearning for for years.

Original poster
inflagrantedelicto · 31/03/2015 22:30

Don't get me wrong, he has several other train sets! This one he's always understood is too much, money had always been tight. But this year budgets are bigger, as I'm now working so coupled with the offer it's now do-able.

Someone up thread said they have one, the reviews mentioned problems with Duracell batteries, is there anything else useful to know before the big day?

OP posts:
SistersOfPercy · 31/03/2015 23:28

I always wanted that as a kid, I bought mine train sets to compensate and the swine's weren't interested Shock

Glad you've done it though, when I look back to the chaos of toys everywhere and playmobil covering every inch of floorspace I do get a bit sentimental now they are grown up.

soontobemumofthree · 31/03/2015 23:40

Glad you got it, I wish my DCs wanted something so much and so consistently! A couple of pound shop presents could pad it out if needed! Sounds like a great present.

honeyroar · 01/04/2015 00:10

I think that it was meant to be!

It's a good, sensible, educational present, he's really wanted it for a long time and accepted you saying you couldn't afford it previously... Bless him, I don't do spoiling children at all, but he deserves it!

GammaDelta · 01/04/2015 00:26

Buy second hand from ebay

GammaDelta · 01/04/2015 00:26

Buy second hand from ebay