...to not want to be treated to a holiday?

[Xo90]

I'm going to try an keep this as vague as possible.
In laws have come into some money and want to treat all the 'kids' and their partners to a holiday with them.
It's in Europe so not too far.
We will have a 4 month old baby. I have never travelled with a baby that young, there's so much stuff that we will need to take.
Tubs of milk, the bottles, steriliser? Nappies (I'm not sure how expensive they will be there) the buggy!! (Baby can't go in a lightweight stroller till 6 months)?
Car seat for the plane?
I'm just not sure of all the stuff we will need, but it'll be a lot. We will also have a 3 year old.
I'm worried because my dp said he will be going out partying. Which leaves me with the kids and I'm thinking it's not going to be much of a holiday. He said we will have the help of his family, but then, it's not much of a holiday for them and plus they will have paid for the whole thing I don't want them to think we are palming our kids off onto them.
Dp has said we will take it in turns to go on nights out. But I don't know how I'm going to be feeling, I might not want to party, especially with his sister who I know will want to party all night long. The longest I can last is till about 1am nowadays.
Also there is the booking/passport issue. They are talking about booking now. But the baby isn't even born yet, how will that work?

They are also chain smokers so I'm not going to be able to get away from cigarettes for a week, as you can smoke indoors in the country we are going to. I don't want a 4 month old baby and a 3 year old constantly round second hand smoke.

Am I being really ungrateful and unreasonable?

If it was just the travelling that was the issue I would say you being unreasonable. Plenty of parents travel with babies and you will have a load of people around to help.

However the whole partying your oh plans to do would not make me excited for the holiday. When I go on holiday, I like to relax and spend time all together not sit with the kids while my oh is out drinking and spending the next day hungover and in bed most of the morning. So chat with your oh about expectations for the holiday.

If it was me, I'd stay at home with the children and happily let DH go with his family.

Plenty of single parents cope with more than two young children all the time.

You make it complicated by not breastfeeding.

It's really very easy to travel with a baby if you don't insist on baggage you don't really need.

It honestly isn't too bad travelling with a baby -much easier than a toddler -you do need a fair bit of stuff but if you are organised it isn't an issue, Also you just book an infant place and call it baby xxx then once the baby is born a name change is made-so again it isn't a big issue (remember you will need a passport for your baby too). So I would say YABU...however -it doesn't sound like you are going to get much of a holiday -It doesn't sound like your OH is planning to have a family holiday and seems more interested in being out partying , that along with the chain smoking doesn't make it sound like too much fun so YANBU not wanting to go if you are going to be left looking after your children whilst your OH goes and holidays and parties on!

I must admit one of my first thoughts was just to breastfeed to solve some of the luggage issues, but
a) didn't want to turn it into BF/FF argument and
b) there are far bigger issues here than how baby feeds.

I'd stay home and suggest dh goes with the 3yo

The passport for the baby may be an issue. It's coming up to peak application time, and as the birth needs to be registered first, you may find time getting very tight. In some areas, you could be waiting weeks for an appointment.

On top of that, guidance for passport applications says that it'll be a minimum of 3 weeks wait for the passport to be done, but it likely will be longer unless you want to fork out for the fast track service.

And current Government advice is "Don’t book travel until you have a valid passport - doing so is at your own risk."

greenshadow--
a) I don't think there are any arguments about ff/bf

But b) Breastfeeding would simplify this trip enormously so I thini it is relavant to point out a practical solution which would save a lot of hassle.

OP, it sounds like you don't really trust your DH to listen to you or put you/the kids above his partying (with good reason). If that's the case then a holiday environment where you're not entirely happy with the set-up is only going to make things worse.

Bf won't necessarily make things easier. It is not easy for everyone, and might just give her dp further excuse to leave her to it cos she will be tied to the baby.

As for letting him take the 3 year old - OP might not want to be away from her child or want said child looked after by adults who want to have a drinking and smoking type holiday.

I'm pretty sure the OP has weighed up the pros and cons of breastfeeding for herself... She isn't going to make a decision based on the ease of going on holiday!

BF might 'solve' some of the luggage issues, but it effectively ties her to the baby and provides her DP with the perfect excuse for not doing his fair share during the evenings so she could have some downtime or go out and party if she so wished.

I'm pretty sure the DH suggested trading off nights out, so not planning to be partying alone the whole time.

As for the chain smoking, either let him lay down firm rules about outdoor smoking or book a separate room for yourselves.

Just give it a try, making sure you and your DH are agreed about the type of trip it will be.