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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...or is it a bit rude to ask if someone owns their home?

44 replies

Annahmolly · 30/03/2015 09:01

Since we moved from London to Hertfordshire, almost every single person I have a conversation with has asked me: "So, did you buy a property over here?" This includes old colleagues and new acquaintances.

Am I unreasonable to find this a bit rude? Or is it just because the answer is "No, we didn't have a spare £35,000 cash deposit lying around and probably won't own a house until we are 40"?

Maybe I'm just overly sensitive, but seeing as property ownership has become such a class marker, isn't this a bit like asking someone how much they will earn when they tell you about their new job?

Or... AIBU?

OP posts:

EatShitDerek · 30/03/2015 09:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

listlessinlondon · 30/03/2015 09:04

Yanbu! Its so irritating. I live in a flat and kids share a room and there's always questions on when we are about to move out for a bigger place!

ZenNudist · 30/03/2015 09:04

I think you're just being over sensitive . It's small talk.

goshhhhhh · 30/03/2015 09:07

I think it's a bit Hertfordshire. My friend moved because of it (tring) & so did we (st albans). No one ever asked in London or in n Cambridgeshire - & we do own.

EponasWildDaughter · 30/03/2015 09:13

I guess if you do own your own home you are likely to think this is less of an issue. Thinking back - when i have been a home owner in the past i have always been proud to say 'yes, we're buying'.

I'm renting right now, no prospects to buy again any time soon. I am disappointed by that. Although the house we are renting is a beautiful one, long term, and we have a great landlord, and are very happy here, my heart sinks a little whenever i have to say i'm renting.

I think it is a bit rude to ask. Especially as part of small talk. It is a bit like enquiring about the bank balance.

Similar sort of thing as folk thinking it's ok to ask about the state of your fertility. The ''Are you 'trying'?'' stuff

merrywindow · 30/03/2015 09:19

You sound a bit over-sensitive, I would think it's just small talk. However, I don't think anyone has ever asked me this so I can imagine it would get annoying if it happened all the time. I guess you need to come up with a stock response so you don't feel put on the spot.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 30/03/2015 09:22

Like pp posters said, I think it's more irratating when you're renting. We live in one of the nicest areas of our town and people are always shocked when I tell them where I live (and my pretty menial job) and always follow the shocked look with asking me if I'm renting. I always feel the urge to lie and say no. Obviously all that could be my own hang ups.

TiggieBoo · 30/03/2015 09:28

I think you're being oversensitive, it's just small talk. And good small talk, because it segues into house prices, and everyone loves a moan about house or rental prices.
Similarly, every time I book leave at work I get asked if I'm going somewhere nice. Umm, no, I'm just covering the school holidays, I can't afford to go somewhere nice with 2 kids on every half term. But I don't think it's rude, it's just small talk.

Feminine · 30/03/2015 09:30

It is 'small talk' but l believe quite nosy too!

Latara · 30/03/2015 09:34

It's not rude exactly, just nosy!

When people find out I live alone they ask if I rent or have bought my property; and when I say I bought it they want to know what kind of property it is, how many bedrooms and am I getting a lodger?

I would prefer not to discuss those things with people I hardly know.

PS. don't feel bad about renting. Lots of my colleagues rent and they are older than you; it's just how things are these days. I would be renting too if I hadn't inherited a deposit.

Latara · 30/03/2015 09:36

Also I get ''are you married'' or ''do you have a boyfriend'' - when I say no, people say ''why not?'' - well I don't know, they don't grow on trees fgs!

Molichite · 30/03/2015 09:36

I think YANBU but if they are politely showing interest / making conversation about your recent house move it is hard to get very far without some sort of question that hints at whether you're renting or owning, such as does it need much work etc.

I agree as a direct question it's a bit rude. Even if you did own it, you might feel they were implying you didn't look posh enough to do so.

Eustasiavye · 30/03/2015 09:36

I think it's rude. Would you ask someone if they owned their car outright, or have a loan on it, same type of thing.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 30/03/2015 09:37

It is small talk but it isn't a question I think I'd ask someone in general, more
'where do you live' kind of thing.

Mamab33 · 30/03/2015 09:41

It is the "do you think you could buy it?" that really gets me....what information do they want. Agree that it is rude though we may be a little sensitive

Flipchart · 30/03/2015 09:41

I think it's rude. Would you ask someone if they owned their car outright, or have a loan on it, same type of thing

Well actually people do now that leasing in our area has become popular.

I really can't get upset by these sort of questions tbh.

pinkje · 30/03/2015 09:41

They live there; they most likely are up to date with property prices, what's selling what's not. They just hope you can add to their knowledge.

glittertits · 30/03/2015 09:45

I think they are asking because it is so common to move out of the city solely for the purpose of buying.

They're just making conversation.

mamapants · 30/03/2015 09:47

I don't think it necessarily says anything about your finances though. I had friends who were paying 1500 a month renting while looking for the perfect house. At the same time I was paying 350 a month on a mortgage.
I think it's more a question of whether you have found a house you wanted to live in, whether you are planning to stay long term, just chit chat basically. If you've bought it opens up questions of whether there is work to be donetc on it etc.

DoJo · 30/03/2015 09:48

I don't think it's rude - many people would see it as a short hand for whether you are planning to stay in the area for the foreseeable future or not.

manchestermummy · 30/03/2015 09:49

Actually, is it not just a case of testing your 'commitment' to the new area? Because for some people, buying in an area suggests that you're there to stay, at least in the medium term.

I was asked a lot when I got my current job, which is based a whole nine miles from where I live .

It is a little nosy though, I do accept that.

LadyGregory · 30/03/2015 09:51

Nosy small talk. We moved from London (where we still own a tiny flat) to a Midlands village where we rent, and renting vs buying seems to be a crucial and often asked about distinction here in a way it isn't anywhere else I've ever lived.

For some people it seems to be shorthand for trying to figure out our income (I think in part because they can't quite 'place' us - we're foreigners, therefore no obvious UK social class, they consider me and DH to have comparatively prestigious jobs and wonder why I run around in old clothes, we have a knackered car, and nothing that counts locally as a marker of wealth, yet we have exotic international friends coming to stay, and travel a lot etc etc).

For others, I think it means 'Are you fully committed to living here for life?' because the idea of passing through and happily moving on is completely foreign to the mindset here, where people seem to stay living locally to their family, or move back to settle if they moved away earlier.

WetFishAndOnionRings · 30/03/2015 09:53

YANBU. We moved recently, and every single person I've mentioned the move to has asked me this.
None of their damn business. But then, I hate people, and I hate small talk.

SnotQueen · 30/03/2015 09:54

I think it is rude. Inquiring about other people's finances, unless you are the tax man, is rude.
Yes, some people will ask as a way to detemine if you're staying for long but I reckon most want to know if you have the cash to buy your house. Which is nosy and rude.
Tell them you're squatting then ask them to keep quiet about it.

Original poster

Annahmolly · 30/03/2015 10:02

LadyGregory, we are also foreigners and, as you say 'no obvious social class'. I do think people like to try to categorise others.

OP posts:

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