...or is it a bit rude to ask if someone owns their home?

[Annahmolly]

Since we moved from London to Hertfordshire, almost every single person I have a conversation with has asked me: "So, did you buy a property over here?" This includes old colleagues and new acquaintances.

Am I unreasonable to find this a bit rude? Or is it just because the answer is "No, we didn't have a spare £35,000 cash deposit lying around and probably won't own a house until we are 40"?

Maybe I'm just overly sensitive, but seeing as property ownership has become such a class marker, isn't this a bit like asking someone how much they will earn when they tell you about their new job?

Or... AIBU?

I would not dream of asking. It is no one's business. Most people assume I was given this big house by my children's father when in fact I gave him 60% of all we had and my life savings etc and I took out a £1.3m mortgage to keep the children housed, yet people make an assumption women are given money by men on divorce!

I bought first when I was 22.

We had this when we moved. Never experienced it before. Really felt ppl were assessing my social status! Having now been here a while I now think they were just making conversation. Also I think if you're renting ppl think you're not hanging round very long so perhaps don't invest as much time in developing relationships. This is only from a village perspective where rentals are lower than owners.
I find answering with disarming honesty is always fun. Like 'i can't buy I'm bankrupt '. Shuts them up immediately

I can't think of a situation where I (as someone not working in a role where it would be relevant) would feel it appropriate to ask that, it wouldn't even cross my mind.

I'm in the Midlands. We are renting at the moment for various reasons. We are in a position to buy but are struggling to find THE house. But I am very by constantly being asked this (we're new to this area). But as someone said upthread, they just can't 'place' us and I think this is why noone will make the effort. They're very 'not quite our sort' whatever their situations might be. It's been a revelation really as I've owned since uni. (I also still own a flat, but I don't bring that up!)

It could be worse. I rented a tiny flat for ages, and when we moved into a (rented) house we had a housewarming. As you do. And people were commenting on the house in a normal way until then-DH's mate figured out we were renting and said 'oh, I won't bother complimenting it too much then'.

Apparently, if you're renting, it doesn't 'count' and having a housewarming is a bit odd, because it's not really 'your' house.

He was otherwise a perfectly nice bloke, just completely unaware that for most people, renting is part of life and not a temporary thing you do while you're a student.

I think its OK depending on level of friendship, for instance first time I had NCT group over ONE pushy know it all asking, was RUDE in my opinion and you could feel her sizing me up and weighing up my future potential...

So depends on context and whether you like the person. I would probably not ask myself, but if I did it would be way down friendship line.

People could also not be testing you at all, but the housing market in their area. It is not uncommon to use houses similar/near to yours as a benchmark for your own investment.

I don't think things are the same in London actually as so many very rich people choose to rent and move around a lot, so many others are from abroad and so many different races and cultures live together. It is one reason I prefer this very mixed area to say a village in Northumberland or Cornwall.

No it's just a question. I've been asked and not thought a thing about it.

If you put together a list of what people on MN consider rude to ask or say, nobody would ever speak again. It's just chatter, you're flattering yourself if you think anyone cares whether you rent or own. It's simply not that interesting.

It's boring and small-minded considering you might have moved from somewhere in London where a two bedroom flat costs far more than a four bedroom house in Hertfordshire or Essex.

They can never get their heads round that.

In the past, yes, you would have had to be nosy or actually go to an estate agent to see how much houses in your area were selling for, but now that's all easily findable online, so I don't think its that.

Obviously, I can't speak for anyone other than myself - and another friend who is also not from the village originally - but when people here ask if we're renting (people I've just been introduced to, say), it's definitely a conversational attempt to 'place' me socially by local standards. always followed up by 'what does your husband do?', to which I take great pleasure in responding at length about my own career. It's a whole other world to me, along with inviting people to your house to see your new blinds.

And honestly - setting aside the very minor intrusion of the renting/buying question, which is small beer - if the astonishingly intrusive things that some Mumsnetters continue to think are just chitchat were considered generally ok, I would despair. I'm sure the questions my friend gets at the school gates about why her adopted daughter was put up for adoption are intended as chit chat, too. Just because it isn't maliciously intended doesn't mean it isn't nosy. But villages have a whole different rule book to my London days, where yiu ignored your neighbours cheerfully...

I think it's just chitchat. I doubt anyone would ask how much mortgage you had outstanding (if you owned) now that would be rude. I wouldn't worry about it.

Not sure if it is attempted oneupmanship on their part, or not. I suspect it is though, I mean no one has ever asked me whether my car is leased or owned outright (thought I guess no one would lease a 19 year old rust bucket)

Even if it just chit-chat, it is a really dull topic. Something of a chit chat cul-de-sac.

Them: Do you own your house

You Yes/No

Where does the conversation go from there?

Yesterday someone I barely know by name from the village toddler group asked me exactly where our London flat was, whether we'd paid off the mortgage, and how much it is worth. (I had mentioned that our lovely tenants were leaving because they had split up.) At first I thought Nosy had a friend who was looking to rent in London, but no, she just wanted to know. God knows why. I was more baffled than annoyed, tbh.

I heard snippets of a conversation on the radio about how home ownership is becoming the modern day class system.

an interesting thought I suppose, when traditional class distinctions are being eroded and now seem based in arbitrary distinctions like where you do your grocery shop and whether or not you sit down to every evening meal at the table

This:
If you put together a list of what people on MN consider rude to ask or say, nobody would ever speak again. It's just chatter, you're flattering yourself if you think anyone cares whether you rent or own. It's simply not that interesting

Absolutely hits the nail on the head. All sorts of conversations I've had with people over the years would just be banned under MN sensitivities. Fortunately I don't know people like that in RL.

I agree with some of the pp

I think it means "Are you staying?" rather than just passing through

Still on the nosy side though