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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Kids and clothing choices

34 replies

AliceAnneB · 29/03/2015 14:54

How much freedom do you give your kids over what they where? My stepdaughter is a newly minted eight year old and this morning she came down ready for church in a outfit that was clown like really. I asked her to either change her dress or tights to something that coordinated. She did so but with some huffing. I'm wondering though if I should just leave it. Is it better to let her have self expression? I suppose I don't want to give the impression that I care enough to put my own son in a nice outfit but not her?

OP posts:

CountingThePennies · 29/03/2015 14:57

Im not sure tbh

When i was a child my mother wouldnt let me go out looking a mess.

I think its good to teach children how to dress and look nice and presentable

EatShitDerek · 29/03/2015 14:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Underthedeepblueocean · 29/03/2015 14:59

If mine looks horrible I say 'oh that looks really nice - I love the purple on that t shirt! Do you think you could change your trousers to so it's not quite as bright?'

Giving them a compliment about their clothing choices gives them a lift. I never laugh at him. I only say something if it's really horrible or weather inappropriate. :)

FishCanFly · 29/03/2015 14:59

If its a new stepdaughter, just leave it. Not worth picking a fight over that.

As for my kids -- they have all the freedom to wear whatever i buy for them (which is my freedom of choice)

justmyview · 29/03/2015 15:01

Pick your battles. If the clothes are clean, that's good enough

specialmagiclady · 29/03/2015 15:01

Probably best not to get into a habit of controlling what she wears. As long as the formality level is ok, what does it matter if things clash?

timeforacheckup · 29/03/2015 15:02

If it's a staying at home or nursery day dd1 (4.2) chooses what she wears. If we're going somewhere I help choose - she has quite good taste most of the time!

SurlyCue · 29/03/2015 15:04

I think in day to day outfits i'd give them the freedom to choose but for something like church or an occasion i'd maybe offer some "guidance"

My 9yo wears whatever is nearest him and has no notion of experimenting so will chnage if i tell him. My 5yo has worn a lifejacket and snowboots with a spiderman costume to asda

OrionsAccessory · 29/03/2015 15:11

My kids always choose their own clothes. My 4 year old is really good at putting colours and outfits together. My 6 year old is rather more eclectic in her tastes but her mad style suits her

reni1 · 29/03/2015 15:17

Leave them to choose unless wildly inappropriate (swimsuit with wellies for restaurant visit for instance).

ApocalypseThen · 29/03/2015 15:23

I think let them at it. It's one of those things that doesn't matter and there's no point in making an argument of things that really don't make any difference.

KanyesVest · 29/03/2015 15:55

DD is nearly 5 and picks her own outfits most days. She told me last week "I like lots of colours, they make me happy". If we're going somewhere special I might try to guide her a bit, but it's not worth a fight. All that said, I might have had a small, unbecoming strop when she wouldn't wear her gorgeous Christmas day dress

SpamAnderson · 29/03/2015 15:59

I'm probably terrible but I pretty much allow my kids to wear what they want. Most days they'll look fine but sometimes, my eldest in oarticular will pick the strangest of clownlike outfits. If we're just going shopping or something, what's the harm? It's one of the ways they show their personalities. I would argue if they decided to get a dirty item out of the laundry bin as I haven't washed it quick enough (dd2 I'm looking at you!) or have spilled food or something, as long as they're clean, I'm happy :)

Gottagetmoving · 29/03/2015 16:03

I think it's ok for children to choose what they wear up to a point. If they choose something inappropriate or ridiculous for a certain trip or occasion, then the parent should step in. Free expression is great, but you have to be a parent and that means imposing some boundaries when necessary.
I don't get all this not worth the fight and pick your battles stuff when dealing with a child. If you know something is not right, you have to deal with it, otherwise there was no problem in the first place.

drbonnieblossman · 29/03/2015 16:09

The trick is to buy outfits at the start of each season, the whole lot. Takes a little planning but we pick their selection of things which coordinate, tops, jeans, chinos, skirts, dresses, tights so will all mix and match. It means there is a rough colour scheme really. That way, they make their choices but are always presentable for any occasion. If we're going out to eat, I will say it's not a jeans occasion, and with that they go off and choose appropriately.

drbonnieblossman · 29/03/2015 16:11

Sorry posted too soon! I would make it easier for her OP, by giving her a selection to choose from. Then she has freedom within limits.

EdithWeston · 29/03/2015 16:14

My DC were the ones you see with the seriously peculiar clothes on.

I let them get on with it.

They'd all found some sort of sense of what's appropriate for where by the end of primary. I've no idea if a more prescriptive approach would have had a different outcome. I just know it wouldn't have suited our household.

BackforGood · 29/03/2015 16:15

Church is where my dd has gone thorough her most experimental phases . I've had people say to me "I really look forward to seeing what dd2 is going to be wearing on a Sunday"

I think, they wear uniform all week, it's nice to have a chance to try things out. As someone else said, I tend to say "I really like that top - not sure it works with that cardi, have you tried it with the white one?" or something, to help and advise, but not to insist. I also go and ask her "Does this jacket or that one look better" (with my outfit) so she understands it's fine to try different options, fine to not be sure of your choice, fine to express opinions to friends and family, and not a criticism in any way.

Purplefrogshoes · 29/03/2015 16:58

My dd who is 6 went to church today dressed as Minnie mouse, she was also wearing a Elvis denim jacket and Elvis converse. I let her wear what she wants as long as she is warm enough

manchestermummy · 29/03/2015 17:31

I guide dd1 these days, just because although it's great to be individual, I am not sure thst your average primary class is the place to address that individuality (e.g. non uniform days etc.). I wish my parents made some sort of effort to buy me nice clothes (I was overweight as a child and my mother - still, sadly - has the idea that fat people didn't deserve to look nice). I was bullied because of the way I dressed from the age of 4 to the age of 18. If only my mum had actually guided me!

Dd1 is 7, and started to take an interest in these things, as it were, and I do want to support her.

IAmAPaleontologist · 29/03/2015 17:34

I encourage them to wear something that is suitable but I allow them freedom within that.

Eg if dd comes down wearing tights and a top (frequently) then I'll send her back up and remind her and tell her she needs to wear a skirt or dress too.

Church I'd tell them it should be clean and smartish so no holes in knees etc.

littlejohnnydory · 29/03/2015 18:05

I completely let them choose. Even the three year old. I'd only interfere if the outfit and the weather were a serious mismatch or if the clothes were inappropriate for the child's age.

Original poster

AliceAnneB · 31/03/2015 12:52

I think the suggestion of having a theme wardrobe where all items vaguely coordinate is a good one. I usually by as and when she needs stuff but maybe easier to do a whole wardrobe each season until she gets older. We only have them every other weekend so our friends get some very used hand me downs as we have to keep a second set of everything here.

OP posts:

Mamus · 31/03/2015 12:57

As long as they aren't attempting to leave the house in the middle of winter in shorts and a vest, they can pretty much wear what they please. School and special occasions excepted, of course.

SoupDreggon · 31/03/2015 13:02

If my DD appears wearing something wholly inappropriate I make a suggestion about changing an item to make it clash less but mostly I just let her get on with it. I tend to buy clothes that mostly go together in any combination though.

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