To think there's never a good time to have a DC and give in to broodyness?

[Patapouf]

DH have been thinking about TTC as we both feel we are ready for children but there are a few things I'm worried about which make me want to wait a few years.
We are stable financially, married for a few years now and in our late twenties. DH works full time and I work about 15 hours per week and study full time (half way through a degree as a mature student).
We are hoping to time it so that we have a baby soon after graduating which would minimise any impact on my career as it wouldn't have begun yet IYSWIM I'm planning on taking a PG course possibly part time which would give me c. 6 months at home with the baby before returning to my studies. DH shift patterns means that any need for childcare would be absolutely minimal. I'm aware that we could be TTC for ages but if all goes to plan this would allow me to spend a lot of time at home for the first few years without worrying about career impact. If we wait it will be at least 4 years and I'm worried that if we have any fertility problems I'll regret waiting. The pros of waiting would be that my earning potential will have increased dramatically and we will be much more comfortable financially, wouldn't have to worry about needing to pay for childcare, could go on holidays etc we are also planning to move abroad in around 4 years time.

Is there a right time to have a baby? Do you regret waiting? Or wish you had?

Correct. No right time. Go for it

Nope, there's no right time. You will never feel completely ready or prepared, you'll always be blindsided by some of it and there will always be reasons to wait a little longer.

I was 24 when DS1 was born. In an ideal world, I should have waited; it was too young and I'd not been out of Uni long enough to even be a real adult. It was hard, growing up whilst trying to raise a child. But I'd do it all again in a heartbeat because somewhere down the line, you figure it all out and it turns out fine.

Only you and your DP can decide if you're ready to begin trying. Anecdotes on here won't offer conclusive proof that you're ready.

I agree, no right time. You just have to decide it's as right as it'll ever be and go for it!

In our event, we ended up ttc for ages and me eventually being told I had PCOS... After a while on the relevant drugs I fell pg. When I found out I burst into tears saying I wasn't ready!!

I do think there are times that are better than others tbh.

I moved to the US with my dh when I was 29. If I had gotten pregnant then, it would have made it incredibly difficult for me to establish myself in a career in the us or even make friends. I waited 2 years and had my son when I was 31. I'm glad I waited.

that said, if you are in your late 20s, financially stable, there is really nothing to stop you - it is up to you both. If you feel broody, maybe you should go for it.

Why don't you just get a pet?

there's enough people in the world already and not enough housing/jobs! Why try and make things worse for those already here?

It's much better to have money for holidays and go travelling, then at home changing shitty nappies!

Plus, not to scare you, but lots of couples split up and lots of women suffer awful PND after the birth, why risk that? ask any other Mumsnetter who's a single parent or had PND, it's no picnic!

The right time is when your biological clock is deafening you. Never been broody.

Don't fuck about if you think you want children. I'm nearly 50 and have known many, many friends and families have all manner of different problems connected to baby making (myself included and I have four children...it's a long story). Just do it and be humble in the face of Mother Nature. Good luck!

Had kids at 35 and 37.

Witchesglove, do you have kids?

Well, I got pregnant at 18, when I should have been doing my a levels. I gave into broodiness then, instead of bowing to parental pressure to 'be sensible' then eight years later got pregnant to a casual fling after my long partner left me for another woman. Again I gave into broodiness, instead of 'being sensible'

Both times were far from ideal, and I was officially homeless the second time.

But guess what, a few years after that I was diagnosed with early stage cervical cancer, and at 33 had a full hysterectomy. I'm so bloody glad I gave into broodiness, as otherwise I'd be sitting here childless, instead of mum to an 18 year old and ten year old twin sons.

Bugger sensible yes there have been tough times, but then I've watched as people who went by the book and planned their families have struggled and gone under in much more drastic ways.

I don't think there is a right time but sometimes one time might be better than another!
Are you planning on one child or more? I think when it comes to planning a career you need to consider this. If you have more than one child then you could find that 4 years down the line, when you are ready to start your career, your circumstances have totally changed and the gap you have had means that you have no experience to back up your qualifications.
I don't mean to be negative but am talking from experience. I had my first dc when I was 25 and never really considered what would happen after that. I now have four and will never go back to my previous career. This makes me a little sad and in hindsight I should have planned things a little better!
Good luck

There is no right time, but there are definitely wrong times. You just have to decide whether this time is good for you now.

I am on a fixed term contract, and we rent. We have the deposit to buy a house, but can't until my contract is permanent. We are TTCing. We could wait until I have a permanent contract, and until we buy a house, but DH is ten years older than I am. He doesn't want to have any children after the age of 40, so if we want more than one we really need to get starting. That was a very convoluted way of saying, you don't get that time back, so spend it wisely.

Witchesglove because we want a child, not a puppy.

are better finances a good enough reason to wait? DH wants to retrain in the next few years. I think we will always manage to make ends meet but we will probably significantly better off in 4-5 years time.
I looked at an online calculator and it reckons a baby only costs 2k in the first year if you breastfeed, surely it can't be right? Are babies only expensive if you need full time childcare?

I see what you mean about career timing. We would like more than one, but aren't bothered about a bit of a gap between DC1 and DC2.

Ultimately, having children is more important to us than a career, and I can't imagine not having children. Very much a work to live situation, but I would love to have a fulfilling career too.

Maybe I'm just very materialistic and I want to buy nice things, go on nice holidays. But mainly I don't want potential DCs to suffer because we couldn't wait.

Glittery: No, I'm not having any because of concerns of over-population and impact on the environment.

Patapouf: Have you thought about the fact there is already too many people in the world?
Do you enjoy looking after babies/children? Not everyone is a natural parent.
Have you got a back up plan in case anything goes wrong?

Does the 2k in the first year assume you bought all the pram/cot/carseats etc before it was born? As you could quite easily spend getting on for £1k on just those if you wished to (although you could also spend vastly less). Also I presume that maternity clothes aren't included?

Once you have clothes sorted and if you breastfeed then the main initial expenses are nappies (even setting up in cloth is a noticeable outlay), any clubs you want to do with the baby (swimming, baby massage etc etc) and then later on in the year stuff like a highchair and babygates. If you need a breastpump they are quite pricey once you factor in bottles and steriliser etc too. And of course then there are the 400 other things you will see and feel are very important for your PFB, like toys and books and playmats and bouncers.

OP honestly you are being far far too practical and rational and material (I'm not judging, I want(ed) a nice life too) - just try for a baby if you want a baby and fuck the timing. You have very little control over the whole TTC, pregnancy, baby process so really don't try and work it all out and second guess it. I've had tragedies, as have many others on MN. Put all the planning and financials aside and just go for it if that's what you think you want.

Actually, I'd wait and build up a career first.

Another vote for waiting and building up a career first. I certainly couldn't have been as committed, whole-hearted and ambitious in establishing myself in the early years if I hadn't been able to put in long hours without worrying about/affording childcare.

What a bizarre response WitchesGlove, you think someone contemplating having a baby is doing so because they are trying to make things worse for those already here? I'm going to hazard a guess that you have more pressing issues to work on than concerns about overpopulation and the environment.

Back up plan for what?
I've worked with children for the 5 years before starting this degree, so I'm confident that I like children and can look after one.

That 2k apparently covers everything, sounds like BS to me as some people can easily spend 1200 on a travel system plus car seat/isofix base.
I'm happy to get a mix of new and second hand, there's no point buying everything new if I don't know ill actually get much use out of it.

I'm a worrier and like to plan everything exhaustively. The fact that it may take a v long time to conceive is also a factor, but I guess I won't know until we try!

My concern over building a career first is that after initial mat leave I would be spending barely any time at home (DH wants to go part time if shifts allowed/SAHD) whereas if we were lucky enough to have a baby mid next year I'd be spending the next 2 years more or less at home.

No 'right' time. I fell pregnant by chance and it's honestly the best thing to have happened to me and DP. Yes, I'm waiting to follow my chosen career path but it actually allows me to be more focused when I do return to study as I'll have already done the baby stage, and since having DD, I have a far stronger sense of motivation and determination.

I think if we could all control exactly when we got pregnant, or had a little instruction manual which told us how long it will take us to conceive - then waiting until the best possible moment would be very sensible. The problem is that none of us do! So really it is for you to decide with your partner - if you start ttcing now, there's no guarantee that you will get pregnant before the end of the year. Or you could get pregnant the first cycle. It's up to you guys to weight the pros and cons of each scenario.

But do really bear in mind that it might take a while - honestly, society gets us so worried about contraception that we grow up thinking even looking at a knob without a condom on is going to get us pregnant, and then when you ACTUALLY start trying, you suddenly realise it's a pile of bull!

Likewise, I do think there are definitely very bad times to get pregnant, but this is clearly not one of them.

So in summary, maybe you could stop using contraception now, but not actively TTCING, and just see how it goes? Or you could start actively trying, and just see how you manage. It takes 8 months on average to get pregnant.

Witches glove odfod

there is no right time; to the extent that lots of people assume (!) my very much wanted ds was unplanned - i think we just wanted a baby more than the simpler life it might have been to wait. But the cost of a baby varies so much, so its tricky to budget for. You can get everything second hand/as gifts, but stopping work and childcare is a big cost obv, but then theres unpredictable things eg if your baby was in hospital you might spend all your time eating in cafes or takeaway, or if theyre a terrible sleeper you might get taken in by all the 'miracle sleep cures' on the market if youre sleep deprived enough (been there, done that ) but ttc is the most unpredictable thing there is so you cant control it that much!