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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Overnight stays

27 replies

MrsN1984 · 28/03/2015 21:15

My DS is 9wks old and my MIL is very keen to have him sleep over at her place.
I think it's too soon & I don't see the need.
We're trying to start a bit of a routine of bath, quiet time, bottle & bed and I don't think there is any need for him to be away from home at only a few weeks old.
She more than welcome to see him anytime she wants but I feel uncomfortable at DS staying over at hers just yet.
AIBU or a little PFB over my DS?

OP posts:
OhMjh · 28/03/2015 21:18

No, not at all. There really is no need for a 9 week old baby to stay away from you unless you need them too. I get that your MIL is very excited about her grandson, and that's lovely, but you need to be clear that you don't want your son staying round at such a young age.

SisterMoonshine · 28/03/2015 21:18

YA 'so' NBU

OhMjh · 28/03/2015 21:19

Ps I can empathise, I'm mum to a 17 week old DD and she's yet to be away from me for more than a few hours.

lomega · 28/03/2015 21:19

Do it when you're ready for a break and when you WANT to, not when anyone demands that you give up your baby. 9 weeks old is still very, very young and your child will wonder where you are if they are whisked away to a strange place/bed and will likely be very distressed. I didn't leave my DS overnight with anyone until he was 5 months old, and that was with my own DM. He has not since been overnight anywhere else without me there.

Could you compromise with your MIL and ask to stay over too? At least then you're there with baby, she could get up for him in the night to give you a break if he cries, but you'd be on standby? Not sure what your relationship is like with your MIL but I've found this compromise works well with my own..

VioletVelvet · 28/03/2015 21:20

Yanbu. 9wks old is still very young. There's no reason why he should spend a night away from you at this stage - unless YOU want him to, of course! But you don't, so say no!

TheBookofRuth · 28/03/2015 21:20

Nine weeks is far too young, and I don't have a problem with overnight stays, my DD started staying over at my mum's from five months. But it shouldn't happen at all unless and until both you and baby are comfortable with it.

TheSingingMonkey · 28/03/2015 21:21

YANBU, there is no reason for your mil to have your baby overnight unless you absolutely want her to.

Do not be pressured into it.

UghReally · 28/03/2015 21:23

Yanbu, even if your lo was 9 months old, you decide when LO leaves you for any length of time (an hour or a night) don't be bullied into anything!x

reni1 · 28/03/2015 21:25

I think 4 or 5 years old is a good age for a first parent-less sleepover unless you need it for babysitting.

Charlotte3333 · 28/03/2015 21:25

9 weeks is nothing, they're barely even out of your womb at that stage, do it only when you feel ready. And for goodness sake don't let anyone tell you you're being PFB over this; Grandparents can be a huge benefit to children's lives, but not at this stage unless it's bringing you lovely suppers and holding the baby while you have a shower.

Tulipblank · 28/03/2015 21:25

My ds is 21 months. I still don't feel comfortable leaving him anywhere overnight. I've kept him here twice with my mum, but he's not slept away from home without us yes.

Only do it when I feels right to you.

Chunkymonkey79 · 28/03/2015 21:25

I have been through this too with relatives.

My 15 month old has never stayed out overnight, and I have no intention of allowing it soon.

He is settled, in a good routine and sleeps well, i'm not running the risk of losing that for the sake of somebody just wanting a sleep over!

If an event came up where it wasn't practical for us to take him, or us come home that night, i would be fine with it as a one off, but not for no reason.

If we go out, somebody just comes and baby sits in our house!

Tell her to bugger off in the nicest possible way Grin

hideandseekpig · 28/03/2015 21:31

Same as all the other replies really...Our dd is 13 months and has never stayed overnight anywhere without us. If we want to go out someone comes to our house and babysits for the evening! I've got no desire for her to sleep over at grandparents house just yet even though there have been a few hints recently Smile

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 28/03/2015 21:31

So many threads with grandparents trying to have newborn babies overnight! I don't get it. No way!

BeanCalledPickle · 28/03/2015 21:31

Are you breastfeeding? It wouldn't have been possible for me to be away from mine at that age. Either baby gets formula in middle of night - which I have no moral objection to, but will leave me overfull and needing to express. Which would defeat the point of my 'break'!!

mrpontipinesmoustache · 28/03/2015 21:34

My dd is 5 and she still hasn't been away for the night (parents are very elderly and would be too much). I just don't understand this need from others to want to have someone else's baby overnight.

Yanbu to say no

coconutpie · 28/03/2015 21:42

Do you mean your MIL wants your baby to stay alone with her or wants you all to stay over at her house?

If she just wants you to hand your baby over and stay over with her, separated from you, then she's off her feckin rocker. On what planet is it ok for a grandparent to demand that a brand new baby is separated from their primary care giver overnight? It serves no purpose other than her silly selfish notions to play grandma to a newborn. What a stupid woman.

Do NOT allow this, only allow overnights when YOU want to, not because someone is demanding it. It really feckin bugs me when I hear about grandparents demanding overnight stays and the parents must stay at home - it's completely selfish, inconsiderate and upsetting for the baby and the baby's parents.

So tell her a flat out no, OP and not to mention it again.

Purplepoodle · 28/03/2015 21:48

Every mum should do what feel right for them. Ds1 stayed with mil overnight around this age as I was having a very hard time with pnd/broken sleep but I trusted her completely. Subsequent ds havnt stayed so young as they were breastfed and were 6 months or so when they did stay.

Nanny0gg · 28/03/2015 22:02

I had my first DGC stay - with her parents - about that age.

I had her in my room so they could get a night's sleep whilst I did the feeds. But they were next door so no problem if they changed their minds and wanted her back in with them.

I wouldn't have wanted the responsibility on my own anyway, thanks!

Joyfulldeathsquad · 28/03/2015 22:11

YANBU.

Why don't you invite her to stay, go out for a few hours and ask her to do the night feeds so she gets the 'experience'

Joyfulldeathsquad · 28/03/2015 22:11

Cross posts with nanny!

PuggyMum · 28/03/2015 22:13

Gosh I'm all for letting others be involved but 9 weeks!!! Crikey!!!

YANBU. At all.

A sleepover to me should be for babysitting when you need it.

Rosieliveson · 28/03/2015 22:13

On day 1 home from hospital my MIL asked when she would be having DS overnight as she "had all the stuff". He's 18 months and has still hasn't spent a night away from home with us. We have done a few hours babysitting at our home but I'm not comfortable with him sleeping out until he can communicate what he needs/wants.
It's your choice, don't get pressured into something that makes you uncomfortable. "Maybe when he/she is older/less clingy/sleeping better/off breast" and so on we all good put offs for me.
And congratulations on your new arrival Thanks

Milkwagon · 28/03/2015 22:44

Nice of her to offer but YA definitely not BU. Nine weeks is too young. Consider the first 12 weeks as the fourth trimester if you will. You're still getting to know your baby a anyway and shouldn't be separated from you this young. Stick to your guns and congratulations.

Original poster
MrsN1984 · 28/03/2015 22:54

Thank you so much for the reassurance!
MIL wants DS to stay alone at hers.
Feel a lot less neurotic now xx

OP posts:
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