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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed by this comment from a friend?

49 replies

ArielleSwither · 27/03/2015 23:14

Dinner with a friend tonight, she has been on Slimming World for a while now and lost just over a stone.

She was talking about ideal size and I said I'd love to get down to size 8.

She looked at me like and she said - eurgh no, you'd look wrong as a size 8, you just wouldn't suit it.

I'm a size 12 on top and 14 on the bottom.

I just felt quite hurt by the comment, am I being too sensitive?

OP posts:

prawnballs · 27/03/2015 23:16

Could she maybe be trying to be nice as to say ' you actually look good as you are' ?
Some people wouldn't suit being a size 8.

PoisonPension · 27/03/2015 23:17

Loss of food and obsession, can mess with the mind. Your friend doesn't want you to lose weight too.

sailoratsea · 27/03/2015 23:17

I would fine that hurtful too. There is an implication that your body frame is much larger and that you wouldn't look yourself as a size 8. She probably thought she was complimenting you by saying you looked great the way you are.

FarFromAnyRoad · 27/03/2015 23:17

I truly don't understand what you're upset about. She's told you that in her opinion you wouldn't look good at size 8. I wouldn't. I have friends who wouldn't (and some who do) - it's not as though she's told you you're a fat munter who'll only ever be size 8 in their dreams is it?

formerbabe · 27/03/2015 23:17

Would it have been better then if she'd said that you would look better if you were a size 8?

Original poster

ArielleSwither · 27/03/2015 23:18

I am overweight though. Not everyone who is the same size as me would be but I definitely am.

I don't see why me wanting to be a certain size should make me feel bad?

OP posts:

chipsandpeas · 27/03/2015 23:18

i dont see anything wrong with it

if i were a size 8 i would be way to thin

Original poster

ArielleSwither · 27/03/2015 23:19

Would it have been better then if she'd said that you would look better if you were a size 8?

Actually yeah it would ...

OP posts:

Flipchart · 27/03/2015 23:19

She may be jealous if you lost weight and is trying to discourage you.

Satsumafairy · 27/03/2015 23:19

I think she may have meant it in a positive way. Personally I think it looks more attractive to be a bit more padded and don't enjoy a very slender look. Maybe she feels the same.

Janethegirl · 27/03/2015 23:19

I'd love to be a size 8 but I'll never ever get there. It's a totally unreasonable expectation. Not sure how offended I'd be with a friends comments though.

Only1scoop · 27/03/2015 23:20

I think she was trying to say you'd look a little thin at that .... Like a compliment really.

Have you always been an 8 and recently put on weight? Then I'd probably find it slightly odd.

chipsandpeas · 27/03/2015 23:20

im 5ft4.5 13 stone, and a size12/14 on top and a 14/16 bottoms
going by bmi the upper weight for normal is 10.5 stone which would suit me fine anything lower that 10 stone i would look really thin

thought i would add this to clarify my position

MrsTedCrilly · 27/03/2015 23:20

I don't see the issue either- I'd take it to mean I have a big frame so would look too skinny as an 8, or just that I look great already as a 12. I wouldn't find that hurtful at all!

Original poster

ArielleSwither · 27/03/2015 23:21

I know I shouldn't compare but my elder sister is the exact same height as me and we do look very similar.

Difference is that she is a size 8 and she looks healthy and clothes look good on her.

I don't strive to be smaller because of her but I don't look at her and think eurgh she looks so wrong she needs to put weight on.

OP posts:

CocobearSqueeze · 27/03/2015 23:22

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

RJnomore · 27/03/2015 23:22

I'd say something tht clumsy...

I'd be meaning, you don't need to lose weight - you look better than you think.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 27/03/2015 23:22

Well I don't know your friend but she mightnt want you to be slimmer than her and it could be the green eyed monster trying to get out.
Or perhaps you would look ridiculous as a size 8. I know I would.
There's definitely more to life than being a size 8

LadyGregory · 27/03/2015 23:24

Let me get this straight. You're not offended because your friend made a disparaging comment about your actual size. You're not offended because your friend sneered and said 'Fat chance, lard arse!' when you said you'd like to be size 8. You're offended because your friend insulted your imaginary ambition size.

SoMuchForSubtlety · 27/03/2015 23:25

Have you been a size 8 before and aren't any more? I think it depends a lot on your shape and body. I'm overweight at size 12 and when I'm at my "normal" (ie what I've been for a lot of my adult life) weight I'm a size 8. People keep telling me I look good post-pregnancy at size 10 but I'm carrying a lot of weight still for me and I don't feel it's healthy. But that's not me wishing things to be a certain way, it's my shape. If I'd always been a size 12 that's what I'd expect to stay at.

Crazyqueenofthecatladies · 27/03/2015 23:26

It would be such a drastic change I can see why she's struggling to picture it. My size 6/8 days are loooong gone. I really wouldn't be offended if friends could no longer recognise my aged 18, chain smoking, binge drinking former incarnation.

Vitamints · 27/03/2015 23:34

My mum is 5'1", under eight stone, and athletic. She wears a 10. She'd have to become underweight to wear an 8 and does look better as a 10 - some people do.

Original poster

ArielleSwither · 27/03/2015 23:35

It would be such a drastic change I can see why she's struggling to picture it

Drastic?

I'm mostly a size 12 on top and even sometimes a 10. I hardly think dropping 2 dress sizes would be drastic.

OP posts:

DoJo · 27/03/2015 23:42

It sounds like the kind of thing I might say, clumsily meaning 'You look fine how you are'. I hate talking to people about their weight and always feel like I am saying the wrong thing. If she is your friend, and isn't known for making random, spiteful comments, then wouldn't it make sense that she was guilty of clumsy wording rather than trying to hurt your feeling?

UnsolvedMystery · 27/03/2015 23:42

I would look ridiculous if I was a size 8 - my friends would say the same thing. It's not an insult.

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