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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed by this comment from a friend?

49 replies

ArielleSwither · 27/03/2015 23:14

Dinner with a friend tonight, she has been on Slimming World for a while now and lost just over a stone.

She was talking about ideal size and I said I'd love to get down to size 8.

She looked at me like and she said - eurgh no, you'd look wrong as a size 8, you just wouldn't suit it.

I'm a size 12 on top and 14 on the bottom.

I just felt quite hurt by the comment, am I being too sensitive?

OP posts:

Crazyqueenofthecatladies · 27/03/2015 23:43

A size 14 to an 8 arse is drastic on me! I look totally utterly different at those extremes. Right now I'm in the middle but could go either way... Who am I kidding.

chipsandpeas · 27/03/2015 23:45

for me to be a size 8 i would prob need to lose 3-3.5 stone so yeah a drastic loss

CocobearSqueeze · 28/03/2015 00:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

whothehellknows · 28/03/2015 07:51

Years ago, I used to be a size 8 and waif-like and it looked good on me. But maturing and having kids has changed my body in such a way that I don't think it would look as good now. My hips are wider and I need to keep some boobs and a perky butt to balance things out.

carabos · 28/03/2015 08:02

I think it's a drastic change. I'm a size 8 and would look very, very different at a size 12. But I reckon you're over-thinking what was probably a throwaway remark.

So much of this sort of stuff around weightloss is about aesthetics rather than health, fitness etc. we all have an ideal aesthetic, both for ourselves and others. I believe it is this more than "jealousy" that is behind a lot of these exchanges that are so regularly complained about on here.

Yarp · 28/03/2015 08:07

She doesn't want you to lose weight as well. Then she might not be speshul

Yarp · 28/03/2015 08:09

A size 8 is an size 12 in old money anyway. It is not tiny if you are an average height

seriouslypeedoff · 28/03/2015 08:09

I am going to say yabu. I think you obviously really want to be a size 8 and feel she pissed on your dream. But I can't see how it was meant as an insult. She probably actually meant that she thought you didn't need to shed that much weight. But really what does it matter? If you want to shift the weight and be a size 8 do it. Surely it doesn't matter how she thinks you should look.

MargotLovedTom · 28/03/2015 08:12

Find it hard to believe you'd be happier if she actually said "Yeah, you'd look better at a size 8." You'd then be fretting that she (and therefore other people) think you're fat and you look a bit shit.

She was saying she thinks you look fine as you are. Probably could have done without the "Eurgh" effect but I still don't think it was an awful thing to say.

Theycallmemellowjello · 28/03/2015 08:14

I'm a size 12 who occasionally wears a 10 and size 8 for me would be a drastic change. At my very slimmest I was a stone lighter than I am now and even then I didn't wear size 8. It would completely alter my appearance to be that thin- surely it'd be the same for anyone. No idea whether it would suit me or not but would not be offended if someone said it wouldn't. I think yabu on this one!

mamapants · 28/03/2015 08:18

Size 12 to size 8 is a pretty drastic change.
If you look good and healthy at a 12 it might seem you'd look underweight if you were to lose enough weight to go down two sizes.
How are you interpreting it to make it an insult?

areyoubeingserviced · 28/03/2015 08:19

I think that you are overthinking.
She probably meant that you look great now.
I have said it before , clothing size us NOT a great way of determining how you look.
Other factors come into play ; height , age , body shape etc

ChipDip · 28/03/2015 08:19

I'm a petite size 8 and being a size 12 would be awful on me. A particular size does not suit everyone, it doesn't mean it's an insult. A size 12 can really suit people too.

AyMamita · 28/03/2015 08:33

Which shop do you want to be a size 8 in, OP? :)

BestZebbie · 28/03/2015 08:51

Surely she was saying you are already quite slender/attractive at your current size? And so losing two more dress sizes would make you look too skinny, in her opinion.

AdeleDazeem · 28/03/2015 08:55

Yeah 2 sizes can be a pretty drastic change. Picture a size 14 lady. Get an image in your head. Hold it for a sec. Now, another woman walks in. Size 18. Bit of a difference?

It's very subjective anyway.

sherbetpips · 28/03/2015 08:57

I have a friend who occasionally goes from a 12 to an 8 she looks bloody awful and yes we do tell her. Your friend probably admires your figure and cannot imagine why you would want to be skinny when you already have a great shape.

Squitten · 28/03/2015 09:01

I would look far too skinny at size 8 - I'm very tall and have a broad frame so I would look skeletal! I think size 10 would be about as low as it's possible for me to get.

I think she was trying to be complimentary!

Mrsstarlord · 28/03/2015 09:07

So you would rather your friend said 'you'd look better if you were 2 sizes smaller' than ' you look good as you are'?

Aussiemum78 · 28/03/2015 09:07

The only way my tall, large frame could be an 8 would be if I'd survived anorexia. And still probably not. I'm slim and at my best in a 12. The only 8s I know are short and petite.

I think you are overreacting.

Trills · 28/03/2015 09:07

Assuming this is a REAL friend, she was probably not trying to insult you.

There are many ways in which what she said could be kindly meant, even if you don't necessarily agree with her opinion.

(I may copy and passte this on 10 other threads this morning)

TendonQueen · 28/03/2015 09:12

You seem not to believe thinner can ever look worse. It can. I have been various different weights and became a size 8 once through illness. A good friend told me I looked 'gaunt' and she was right. It wasn't healthy or attractive for me. Maybe this is also the case for you.

Madamecastafiore · 28/03/2015 09:16

I'm 5'7" and dropped to an 8 from a 12 a couple of years ago and although I thought I looked great people actually asked me if there was something wrong with me. Looking at photos now I realise that it made me look a lot older too.

Maybe you should think in terms of shedding any excess fat but building muscle and getting fit. Which is healthier than fixating on a size which to be honest means nothing as clothes sizes vary hugely these days.

Mandatorymongoose · 28/03/2015 09:22

My build means I happen to have a tiny waist compared to my hips and boobs - I think I look ok anywhere between an 8 and a 12 really (and would have a healthy bmi) but at the lower end my waist does start to look a bit ridiculously pinched and my hip bones start to jut, I guess people might think it looked unhealthy and I would probably look better with a little more meat on my bones. I wouldn't be terribly offended by that. I'd ignore them assuming I was happy in the same way I'd ignore the fact I could probably lose a few pounds if I was happy in a 12.

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