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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to stand my ground on this?

55 replies

TooMuchJD · 26/03/2015 13:23

DH REALLY wanted a dog, I was reluctant but after 6 yrs relented when DS2 was 3 and over the baby stage. Stipulation was that said dog would be DH's responsibility, up to him to walk, feed, care for, clean up after etc. (We both work full time and I do all the childcare & majority of housey stuff as work term time only).
Nearly 2 yrs later and DH absolved most of dog responsibility to me & DS1 (15) apart from paying for insurance and walking him before work in a morning. He is now moaning about this and feels that DS1 should take over the morning walk so DH has more time to wake up in the morning before work (has to get up before 6.00am to walk him as he starts at 7.00am).
I feel this is unfair and have said so as he would then have no responsibility for the pet that only he wanted (especially as my main argument against having a dog was that we really don't have the time to give him the attention he deserves)

Or am I just being a bitch?

OP posts:

pootlebug · 26/03/2015 13:25

YANBU at all.

wanttosqueezeyou · 26/03/2015 13:27

Could they share the morning walks between them.

I'm with you in thinking your DH should take responsibility as he promised. But now your DS is old enough to make this contribution to the household, would that be a bad thing?

educatingarti · 26/03/2015 13:27

Sounds fair to me - unless DS1 really wants to walk the dog and DH is prepared to pay him the minimum wage for doing so

BTW - if working term-time means that you are a teacher, I think you should be getting more support generally anyway. It isn't really a "term-time only" job, even if you don't actually have to be in school and hours during term-time can be humongous!

FenellaFellorick · 26/03/2015 13:28

Not at all.

What does he say when you reminded him of the commitment he made?

wanttosqueezeyou · 26/03/2015 13:28

Actually its not a contribution to the household is it, more to your DH.

However, I presume you've all enjoyed having the dog?

Oldraver · 26/03/2015 13:28

Not at all.....will Dh see sense though, what happens if he just wont get up ?

ChipDip · 26/03/2015 13:28

Yanbu, your DH should stick to what he agreed to.

BasinHaircut · 26/03/2015 13:33

This is why my DH was not allowed to get a dog. He struggles to take his cup to the sink after he is finished with it, he was never going to walk it 2-3 times a day.

Stand your ground, he takes care of the dog as agreed.

'So he has more time to wake up', oh please.....

Anomaly · 26/03/2015 13:57

This is why we have shih-tzus and not big 'manly' dogs which DH prefers that need hours of exercise. Much as DH likes having a dog around he does nothing to care for them.

DoJo · 26/03/2015 14:08

So if he palms the morning walk off on your son, will the extent of his responsibility be that a direct debit comes out of his account to pay for insurance? That's pathetic - I know 6 year olds that do more to care for their pets! What are you actually doing for this dog? Could you suggest that if he stops doing the morning walks, you will stop doing the dog-related jobs that you do (to be honest, I'd be inclined to stop doing your dog-related jobs anyway given that that was the original deal!).

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 26/03/2015 14:13

Tell him to get a grip, I get up at 5am to walk our beast then work a 13 hour shift on the days I am at work because she is my dog and I wanted her in our lives. He needs to step up to his responsibilities as a dog owner.

Morelikeguidelines · 26/03/2015 15:24

Yanbu. Or he can re home his dog.

ThatBloodyWoman · 26/03/2015 15:29

If you are both working ft what happens with the dog in the day?

EeyoresTail · 26/03/2015 15:30

YANBU.
Tell him about the studies that state teens brains don't work well in the morning so he should do the morning walk.
Who walks the dog in the evening?

Original poster

TooMuchJD · 26/03/2015 15:34

DS1 already walks the dog in the afternoons as soon as he gets home from school, he also does the dishes and vacuuming when he gets in too. (helps with his younger siblings in the morning and until recently had a paper round on top of this so its not that he does nothing).
DH initially wanted to swap the walks so he did the pm and DS1 did the am until I pointed out that this would mean he couldn't go the pub/gym etc. straight from work (he also does regular overtime until 6.00pm too) so the responsibility would still fall to me or DS.
As to the poop issue, he would leave it for weeks in the garden, whereas I like to clean it up immediately - I've tried leaving it for him to do but just ended up having to go out with a spade and two bin bags!!!

OP posts:

ThatBloodyWoman · 26/03/2015 15:40

I would ask ds if he minds.
If he doesn't want to look after the dog,your dh won't and you won't,then I think you need to think long and hard.
Personally I would give in for the sake of the dog -the time to stand your ground was when you got the dog imo.

BitOutOfPractice · 26/03/2015 15:50

So what does he say when you remind him that you got the dog on the strict understanding that it was his responsibility alone

And what does he say when you point out that he is not pulling his weight on anyhing in the family?

Salmotrutta · 26/03/2015 15:52

I feel sorry for the dog in all this!

Do you and your DS enjoy having the dog or is he a "chore"?

If you don't particularly enjoy dogs it's unfair if you have to do all the work that comes with them this is why I like cats

SunshineAndShadows · 26/03/2015 16:34

I don't really think having a dog can be one person's responsibility. If you agree to bring a sentient living being into your home then you all need to recognise that you have a duty of care to that animal. It's reasonable that your DH should contribute to the care of the dog but its sad that you see this poor creature as a chore to be argued about rather than as part of your family

YouTheCat · 26/03/2015 16:39

But, Sunshine, if the OP's dh had kept to the agreement there wouldn't be any argument.

It's his dog but he's taking no responsibility.

Original poster

TooMuchJD · 26/03/2015 16:44

I feel sorry for the dog too, he is a nice dog and whilst I prefer cats I don't hate him, however, had I know that DH was not going to follow through on his promises I would never have agreed to take him on. He is not an "easy" dog (lurcher/pointer type) and I have worked very hard to get him though anxiety issues and various other problems (rescue dog).
I have cats and apart from the occasional opening of the window to let them out/in he doesn't have to do anything for them and I would never dream of asking him to clean out their litter tray/bedding etc. because they are my responsibility.
Please don't get me wrong, we don't just ignore the dog because he's not "ours", that would be cruel, but I do feel its unfair for the bulk of his care to now fall to other people because he isn't the easy going kind of hound DH had in his head.

OP posts:

BitOutOfPractice · 27/03/2015 07:11

toomuch you still haven't answered what several people have asked. What does he say when you remind him of his promise?

And what does he say when you call him out on his general lack of effort at home?

RizzoWasTheBestOne · 27/03/2015 07:53

Yes how does he justify abdicating all his doggy responsibilities when he knows the dog is only there because he wanted it?

What's his excuse?

BasinHaircut · 27/03/2015 08:10

I'd re-home. As much as I'm sure you love the dog and care for it etc, you clearly don't want it and neither does your DH and that's really not good enough IMO.

I'm not having a go at you OP, I'm not a dog person at all, but I know how I'd feel in your situation and that the dog could probably have a better life elsewhere.

popalot · 27/03/2015 08:15

What does the dog do all day whilst you are both at work? Could you get a dog walker to come and take him out for an hour a day? That would give your dog a better quality of life. I understand how you feel but dd you really expect not to do anything for the dog? Who does the training and who plays with them? Dogs need a lot more than just a walk a day. They used to be working animals and are very intelligent.

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