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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU family dinner

33 replies

Physcobitch · 25/03/2015 19:41

I don't speak to MIL or SIL going ok 9 months now.they argued with me at our wedding and the SIL sebd threatening messages to DH about me. We have a 10 month DS who I have no problem dh bringing to see MIL but I have said no to her minding him as I have a few trust issues with her and before wedding there were numerous other things she done to me.

Anyway today SIL son made his confirmation there was a family dinner booked for 6 I wasn't asked (fine by me) while at the confirmation DH text and asked could he bring DS to meal at 6 I had already told him no as 6-7 is bath and bedtime. I am not changing it. He is now saying I'm being rude and spiteful. Maybe I am a bit but I really don't feel I owe SIL anything. This morning DH didnt Mention DS going so I know it was at request of mil or SIL

OP posts:
QTPie · 25/03/2015 19:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 25/03/2015 19:54

Why does your DH have to ask you if he can take his own son to a family meal?

And what right have you to say he can't?

Hakluyt · 25/03/2015 19:55

You're being unreasonable. Why is it for you to decide? If your Dp wants to take his son out why does he have to get your permission?

BernadetteMatthews · 25/03/2015 19:58

Of course UABU and very petty.

Original poster
Physcobitch · 25/03/2015 19:59

He 'asks' because he doesn't do bed and bath and with the work that he does he isn't home in the evenings so I like to stick to my routine as once Ds is in bed I do my work

OP posts:
Summerisle1 · 25/03/2015 20:00

Actually, I think you were being spiteful. I'm sure you have perfectly valid reasons to have gone NC with your MIL and SIL but you don't have the right to use your DS as ammunition in your feud. Also, why stir up unnecessary trouble when things have already gone shit-shaped with your DH's family?

I don't think that one later bedtime for a 10 month old is the end of the world either. I'm also surprised that your DH feels he has to ask if he can take his own son to a family meal as well as that you think you have the right to veto this.

WorraLiberty · 25/03/2015 20:00

So he takes his son out, brings him home and baths him and puts him to bed.

Original poster
Physcobitch · 25/03/2015 20:01

I probably have BU but the last I heard from SIL was that the next time she seen me she would kick my f* in I don't really care how they feel Confused

OP posts:
TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 25/03/2015 20:02

It is rude to expect a child of that age without its mother, IMO. One thing for the DP to keep seeing his own family but very rude and undermining for his OH not to be invited but for the child to be.

WorraLiberty · 25/03/2015 20:03

But surely it's about how your DH feels?

If he's 'allowed' to take his DS to his Mums, he should be allowed to take him to a restaurant.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 25/03/2015 20:03

But it isnt SIL who loses out. Its DH. What a fucking tit he is going to feel saying to his family "she wont let me let me bring my child for dinner"

YABmassivelyU.

WorraLiberty · 25/03/2015 20:04

Two how can it possibly be rude when the OP has gone non contact with them?

Original poster
Physcobitch · 25/03/2015 20:07

Worra I conpletley see where your coming from about DH feelings. But I think that since he hasn't cared about my feelings in how his family have treated me I've stopped doing the 'how would DH feel'. Tbh I know this is less about the meal and more about the lack of respect DH and I have for each other Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Physcobitch · 25/03/2015 20:09

At Christmas DH spent It with his family then collected DS at 5 to go see IL made me feel like crap as it was like we were exes rather than together so my sons first Christmas I spent that evening on my own. I haven't always been this nasty

OP posts:
amarone · 25/03/2015 20:12

Adults behaving like kids…

WorraLiberty · 25/03/2015 20:15

I get that it must be absolutely awful to fall out with family Sad Flowers

But going forward, something will need to change because otherwise your DS will be caught up in the middle of it, and that will be very upsetting and confusing for him.

I don't know what the answer is really.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/03/2015 20:18

Why is he seeing people who threaten violence against you? What message will that send to your son?

Satsumafairy · 25/03/2015 20:20

What a difficult situation. Is there any hope of reconciliation? Otherwise you will be left on your own a lot when DH and DS are out. Are his mum and SIL known for being troublemakers? What does your DH think about your falling out?

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 25/03/2015 20:32

Worra because it undermines her role within her family: it is like she is expendable, merely an incubator. If they want to see her child, they should all sort it out, so much is left unresolved like this and they don't even have to think about what they did as nothing has changed.

Original poster
Physcobitch · 25/03/2015 20:33

Testing that's a question I haven't ever asked. I've never asked him to stop seeing them even after the threats but I've been more hurt at his get over it attitude.

Yes they are both extremely nasty people aside from having me in tears on my wedding day the mum fought with my friends at my hen SIL hit my best friend at my hen and the MIL effed and blinded at my hospital bed hours after having DS because my sisters were visiting at the same time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Physcobitch · 25/03/2015 20:34

DH told me he would sort it after honeymoon he never did

OP posts:
PHANTOMnamechanger · 25/03/2015 20:36

you're supposed to be a team now you're married. why does he not stick up for you? why does he tolerate them being rude to/about you and excluding you from events? then they click their fingers and expect you to be happy to send your son over to see them, at an event you were not invited to, like some toy? this reminds me of a colleague of my mother who went to her ILs on Christmas day, so they could see the kids open their presents. She was not invited for dinner when the DH and kids sat to eat, she had to ask if it was OK to have snacks from the fruit bowl! and her present was - a cabbage "because you like cooking"

this is not an acceptable way for a husband to behave! you have a life time of problems if the 2 of you don't see eye to eye on this

Inertia · 25/03/2015 20:44

Of course you are not being unreasonable. Why on earth would you drop everything to take your baby to see people who have threatened you with violence? If your DH doesn't want to look wet in front of his family then he shouldn't be in contact with people who make violent threats against his wife.

To be honest, you might as well be exes. Your husband is showing you very clearly where his allegiances lie - not with you, sadly.

asmallandnoisymonkey · 25/03/2015 20:55

Why are you putting up with your husband leaving you alone over Christmas? Please don't put up with something like that!

Discopanda · 25/03/2015 20:57

YANBU for two reasons- 1. Your child's age, it would be UR if he was a bit older and it was just a bit of a later night than usual, you can't expect a child that young to be out after bedtime in a strange place without his mum, he'll probably get really upset and your DH will need to leave and your MIL and SIL will try to guilt trip him into staying. 2. It's adding to their purposeful exclusion of you by saying you aren't invited but can DH bring your child. Fine if DH wants to go by himself but as soon as the child is involved as well you need to work as a unit.