was i unreasonable?

[whentheshithitsthefan]

To my friend.
friend went through their 3rd divorce about 2 yrs ago. ive known them about 4 yrs. they are 25 yrs older than me, with kids the same age as me.
friend has in the past few months become increasingly woe is me about everything and today i eventually snapped at them and i think i may have ended the friendship.
everything i say they turn around to tell me that im lucky, or rubbing it in or they are sad or i have it easy.
everything.
i have a cold. they turn it to it being easy for me because im young/ fit/ have a husband
i am making dinner. they turn it to how horrible it is to cook alone, or eat alone, or food shop alone.
i say im spending the weekend cleaning. well at least i have people to clean up after/ there are people to help/ there is a reason to tidy up cause i have friends.
i say im going somewhere. im lucky to know people.
today there has been, me saying i had to get off the phone, it was dinner time at the zoo, reply was you're lucky to have someone to eat with.
yesterday i said i couldn't meet up as i was seeing an old work friend, reply was well at least you have some.
last week i said i was going to the gym, and that was turned to me having loads of free time and enough money to waste.
tonight there was another dig about being alone and having no friends and i snapped.
they text and said they were having a curry out and enjoying a nice bottle of red., i said ''damn that sounds good!! i bloody love curry, veggie wraps here tonight''
they replied '' rub it in why dont you, heres me having a curry at the restaurant on my own billy no fucking mates and you rub it in that you are with all your family''
i replied, ''how the hell was i meant to know who you are with? i have a life too, i know you are unhappy at the moment, but i cant stop living my life because yours makes you unhappy. you keep going on about being lonely and having no friends, well stop bitching at the ones you have and enjoy the friendships on offer.''

i know that the examples are a bit sparse, but its constant. daily.
i invite this friend over for dinner, they go on holidays abroad with family and friends, they have a lodger and a job so they see people daily.
im just fed up with them trying to make out that im some evil bitch for living...so...was i a total cow and should i say sorry?

Some people are just inherently a bit 'woe is me'. I have a cousin who is exactly the same. I tend to keep my distance.

No. Do not apologise. No one should have to put up with that nonsense. The woman should grow up!

I doubt she'll contact you after your last text tbh so problem solved

Urgh, no. Get rid. How annoying! They are the kind of people who post those annoying attention grabbing bollocks on fb!

Your friend is an emotional vampire. For your own wellbeing you need to take a big step back. You were not being a cow, you just reached the end of your rope.

I think your reply was very measured. Might just give her a wake up call.

tbh you've done well not to snap before now.

Don't stress about it. She sounds like a pain!

ok, thanks.
the more i think about the attitude via text and on calls the more i realize that everything goes back to an attempt to make me feel bad. we had a shit time from nov till the start to the yr with a massive job issue, one of the kids having surgery and death in the family and this person was no support, they knew what was going on, but didnt ask how i was. but when i did see them after the dust had settled they moaned that id not been around for a night out that had been planned. ( group of friends, it went ahead without me, so they weren't left stranded)

It must have been exhausting to type all that out whilst deliberately hiding their gender in every sentence.

But YANBU anyway.

YANBU. This person sounds very self-absorbed. Your response was well measured and you should be proud of yourself for having the restraint not to put something with more expletives. Don't apologise you shouldn't have to put up with it.

So what worra said. Did you do that on purpose OP?

What's the gender matter?

Presumably missing out the gender to increase anonymity... What's wrong with that? The OP is still legible.

YANBU, friends like that are so draining.

I didn't even notice about the gender until someone else mentioned it!

Of course yanbu at all. I think your reply was perfect.

You were upfront and honest - now its up to them whether they value your friendship enough to change the way they interact with you.
In all honesty I couldn't stand that in a friendship - they should be happy for you!

Well done for saying what needs to be said!

I feel bad now, didn't notice the gender thing but had assumed friend was female.

OP, YANBU by the way.

I have known people like this - one specific person, really, whose catchphrase was, "It's all right for some." Every blasted thing I ever had or did or achieved was met with a mealy-mouthed begrudging pout at best or at worst a full histrionic fit that it was all right for me because, like the OP, I was young/had a husband/had a family/had an "e" in my name etc etc.

Looking back I think the only option would have been for this person to have some serious counselling as they were so bitter and jealous of everyone and anything.

YANBU.
the fact that its their THIRD divorce says quite a lot anyway.
hopefully that person won't bother their bollox marrying again. they're obviously not very good at it.

Those examples arent sparse. I am itching to tell her to fuck off without even meeting her tbh.

Yanbu she's guilt tripping you because you have what she had/wants.
Have a friend like this and she gets jealous of any new friend I might make or an acquaintance. Really changed our relationship when she basically acted like a jealous boyfriend.
Now you've said it leave her at a distance and let what you've said sink in.

Brenda You have an 'e' in your name? Way to rub Sally's nose in it! Poor Tara would love to have an 'e' in her name you know. It's well for some.