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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel pissed off at having to cook tea tonight

51 replies

Bilberrycrumble · 25/03/2015 07:23

stepson back from Uni, 21, and with us for a month. 15 y o stepdaughter coming round for regular wed night tea (see her a lot part from that). DH announced last night he's out tomorrow at work social do till about 7.30, which he'll have known about for while.

Would I cook tea. Really don't want to, they are old enough to sort themselves out, it's his problem could have switched days, I'm getting fed up of extra mouth to feed and buy for 21 y o. And I might have been doing something, I'm not but feel like organising sthg.

I'm feeling taken for granted and pissed off.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bilberrycrumble · 25/03/2015 07:24

Obviously so pissed off I have completely forgotten about grammar and punctuation - sorry....

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 25/03/2015 07:25

But are you not cooking anyway for yourself and dd?

LaurieFairyCake · 25/03/2015 07:26

The 21 year old can cook, he's been catering for himself for 3 years.

That's if you don't mind him using all the food in the kitchen to make a sandwich.

CatsCantTwerk · 25/03/2015 07:26

Will You not be cooking anyway?

londonrach · 25/03/2015 07:27

Surely you cooking for yourself anyway?

diddl · 25/03/2015 07:28

Do you like them?

Why not all cook together or let them do it?

If they are being badly brought up in terms of expecting to do nothing when with you, it's not their fault!

don't take it out on them that you are pissed off with your husband.

Make sure that your stepson helps out for the month.

Could he get a job & help with the food bill?

familymember · 25/03/2015 07:28

Yanbu to feel taken for granted.

I know this misses the point of your post, but ask DH to pay for a takeaway for you all, at least it might make him acknowledge that you've been left with it all to do.

ahbollocks · 25/03/2015 07:28

Just get a couple of pizzas and a garlic bread surely?
Doesn't have to be a gourmet affair

guineapig1 · 25/03/2015 07:29

Yabu unreasonable sorry! Your Dh should have mentioned it to you sooner but presumably everyone else would have needed to eat so surely it isn't that much work to cater for an extra person. Can't your dss just gave the same as everyone else were going to have or just do something quick, cheap and easy like pasta and sauce if time/money is likely to be an issue.

londonrach · 25/03/2015 07:29

If you dont want to cook get some take away....(wants fish and chips now)

ElmerRocks · 25/03/2015 07:35

TBH this reads more like you resent having your stepchildren around full stop, not just about cooking their tea.
Which begs the question why did you get involved with a man who had children in the first place? Genuine question as my stepmother couldn't stand me from the start, (I was 2 when they met so couldn't be something I did) and made it very obvious.
Could be my personal experience clouding my judgement here, and if so I apologise, but it does sound to me like it's about more than cooking a simple meal.

Hathall · 25/03/2015 07:35

Does this happen a lot? I mean the taking for granted. Or do you just not get in with your step kids?
It seems like a one off if your dh usually sorts out Wednesday tea?
Just do something quick or get a take away if you're pissed off about it.

ChipDip · 25/03/2015 07:36

You clearly don't like him very much. What's the big deal, you will be making something for yourself anyway?

NerrSnerr · 25/03/2015 07:40

If you are doing something then tell them to sort themselves out, if not just make them what you would have made yourself or get a takeaway.

tallulahlah · 25/03/2015 07:46

Is it that you're pissed off about cooking or pissed off that DH has made plans to go out and expects you to 'look after' and entertain his adult children?

BTW I'd just get some pizzas x

MinceSpy · 25/03/2015 07:46

Tell the 21 year he needs to do tea for the three of you.

MelanieCheeks · 25/03/2015 07:46

What normally happens at mealtimes - does DH cater for his children?

googoodolly · 25/03/2015 07:47

Why make such a drama about it? It's not hard to throw something together - frozen pizzas, pasta and sauce...it doesn't have to be a big gourmet affair if you don't want it to be.

Do you not like your step-children or something? I have three and okay, they're small but I have no issues with cooking for them if DP has to go out or if he's tied up with work. I chose a man with children so I'm not about go complain that I have to play a role in their upbringing.

Yes, 21 and 15 year olds are capable of feeding themselves, but I would be pretty upset if I went to my parents house at 15 (who I didn't live with) and was told to sort my own food out, tbh. You're their step-parent, your DH isn't asking you to move the earth here, just feed his kids because he's in a meeting.

YABU.

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 25/03/2015 07:57

Yabu. This reads as though you really resent your stepchildren. A 21 year old student coming home for the holidays and expecting parents to provide food is perfectly normal. Yes, he could cook it but you are moaning about having to buy additional food for him.

As others have said, you'd presumably be cooking for yourself and dsd, so one extra is not going to mske any difference.

You are coming across as very petty.

m0therofdragons · 25/03/2015 08:01

3 people cooking 3 different meals. ... oh god the mess would be horrendous. Just shove pizzas in the oven and some salad in a bowl.

You get with someone with dc then you feed them. Dss has been at uni so presumably self sufficient but why not cook for him tonight as it's short notice but let him know he's cooking on Friday night then you get a night off? Oh and chill

Springisontheway · 25/03/2015 08:08

I was a stepchild once, I think it is right for them to be welcomed and fed in their father's house.

That said, why don't you make plans for yourself and leave them some pizzas from the supermarket to heat up themselves? As long as someone lets them know what's going on, that you both have to be out, but they are very welcomed and to just pop the pizzas in the oven they should be absolutely fine.

I don't think you need to do all the work or martyr yourself for them to feel welcomed in his home.

Momagain1 · 25/03/2015 08:11

Is it really that onerous to cook for the members of your family? They may not be members of your household, nevertheless, you married a man with children and you have a part time family. Surely you expected that sometime between your marriage and til death do you part that you would have to interact with these his children as people, Rather than unwanted baggage?

News flash: they will eventually marry and have children, those people will be part of your life too.

diddl · 25/03/2015 08:15

I can see the annoyance of not being told until the last minute.

But that's down to your husband!

SocialMediaAddict · 25/03/2015 08:31

I really don't get the big issue. Cook something easy.

LittleMiss77 · 25/03/2015 08:36

Maybe a little unreasonable...

I would leave DH to sort himself out and pop to the chip shop for yourself, DSS and DSD (or give the kids the money and send them off with your order)

Cant beat a midweek surprise takeaway in my book

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