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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel pissed off at having to cook tea tonight

51 replies

Bilberrycrumble · 25/03/2015 07:23

stepson back from Uni, 21, and with us for a month. 15 y o stepdaughter coming round for regular wed night tea (see her a lot part from that). DH announced last night he's out tomorrow at work social do till about 7.30, which he'll have known about for while.

Would I cook tea. Really don't want to, they are old enough to sort themselves out, it's his problem could have switched days, I'm getting fed up of extra mouth to feed and buy for 21 y o. And I might have been doing something, I'm not but feel like organising sthg.

I'm feeling taken for granted and pissed off.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 25/03/2015 08:37

Yanbu to be pissed off at your selfish husband for not letting you know he was going out yabu to resent his children why don't you ask them what they fancy for tea and get them to either cook or help you can you really see yourself eating your dinner and letting them fend for them selves it's not their fault their dad is an arsehole

Original poster
Bilberrycrumble · 25/03/2015 08:46

Thank you for the perspective. I was having a PLOM - poor little old me moment.

DSD will more than likely help out or want take out. DSS is apparently going out (cue a pack of sausages and smoke alarm going off at 3am!)

They are good kids, if used to having everything done for them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bilberrycrumble · 25/03/2015 08:47

Still a bit annoyed at DH though...

OP posts:
diddl · 25/03/2015 08:49

"if used to having everything done for them."

Well that's something that can be changed!

Were the sausages meant for a meal?

That would annoy me tbh.

Stuff that I had earmarked for family meals being used for a snakc.
(if that is what happened)

CheeseandGherkins · 25/03/2015 08:53

Wow. It's only a meal, hardly something to get so worked up about. Surely you were going to eat anyway?

Original poster
Bilberrycrumble · 25/03/2015 08:55

I was being entirely unreasonable about cooking for the kids! Sausages, we have lots of packs in the freezer, he likes them.

OP posts:
MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 25/03/2015 08:58

If dss is staying with you all holiday could you mutually agree he cooks for the family once or twice a week?

Bit odd of your DH to go on a work social on his DD's night with you.

I am sick of cooking tea too - 365 days a year... DD does it sometimes, but as she's 9 it isn't really a night off :o If they're still living at home at 21 (or here several months a year) I hope I'll make all of the kid's cook :)

diddl · 25/03/2015 08:58

Ah that's OK then.

Sausage & mash for you & daughter??

does your husband usually cook when she/they are there for meals?

i do get where you are coming from though.

sometimes when you think that X is happening, but in fact Y is, it can just piss you off, even though when you really think about it it's not a big deal.

Mrsjayy · 25/03/2015 08:59

I would be annoyed if my dh did that to me too

Trebushay · 25/03/2015 08:59

If it makes you feel better I had a poor little old me moment earlier when DH decided he couldn't work from home and left me to ask the childminder to work late aaaargh

Mrsjayy · 25/03/2015 09:00

I think she is pissed off the kids are there for tea and their dad is out ?

ArcheryAnnie · 25/03/2015 09:10

I am pissed off with cooking tea every night, and it's just for me and DS!

Order a takeaway, one your DH loves, and don't order enough for him.

/passive aggressive

Sausagerollers · 25/03/2015 09:14

To avoid this situation in future, why don't you tell your DH to batch cook some curry/bolognaise/cottage pie etc that you can just defrost and heat up when you need to cook for the kids and he's not around?

Therefore he's done the cooking (and cleaning up after) and main contribution to his kids getting a nutritious meal, and you just have to chuck something in the microwave on the night.

Original poster
Bilberrycrumble · 25/03/2015 09:17

Archeryannie Smile. DH does a lot of the cooking and everything else! He's very good really. Just waiting for the older ones to come home at Easter with their kids when he's said he'll do all the cooking. IWBU...and pre menstrual I've just realised!

OP posts:
SunnyBaudelaire · 25/03/2015 09:17

so you see your stepchildren as 'extra mouths to feed'? and don't want to feed them even though you would cook anyway?
that's nice.

SunnyBaudelaire · 25/03/2015 09:17

OK sorry didnt see your last post!

kewtogetin · 25/03/2015 09:18

I doubt you would have started this thread if the children in question were biologically yours. You're resentment and dislike practically jump off the page.

Tryharder · 25/03/2015 09:30

Good Lord, it always amazes me how easily annoyed some people are. Not just the OP but some on this thread.

It's just a meal.

I would cook for anyone who was staying at my house. It's basic hospitality and normal family life.

Possibly the step kids don't pull their weight but they're young and not there most of the time anyway. I didn't pull my weight at that age either and I turned out OK.

I wouldn't expect my DH to curtail a social event either.

Hathall · 25/03/2015 09:33

And her dh is only out til 7.30. It sounds like it's something he needs to go to so I wouldn't be too hard on him either.

ArcheryAnnie · 25/03/2015 09:41

Bilberry ah, then order enough poppadoms for him, too!

(I totally get having that moment of "oh god another endless bloody chore to do" before you suck it up and get on with it!)

LineRunner · 25/03/2015 09:55

I like the idea of your DH doing some batch cooking of meals.

My OH has DCs of similar ages and he (OH) would make a lasagne the day before and put it in the fridge. And tbh, his 21 year old DS wouldn't let me cook for him anyway - he would cook for us all and smother it in nando sauce

I get your annoyance with your DH for creating a chore for you last minute which involves another grown man - you need to talk to them both I reckon.

OTheHugeManatee · 25/03/2015 09:59

Definitely sounds like you resent your stepchildren.

As the stepchild of someone like this, I can tell you it's a really, really lovely experience and definitely helps you keep a close relationship to your father Hmm

LaurieMarlow · 25/03/2015 10:00

I agree that your husband has dumped the responsibility on you in a way that isn't exactly nice or thoughtful. Takeaway sounds like a great idea.

OTheHugeManatee · 25/03/2015 10:05

YY, in the interests of balance I should add that your DH does sound like he's sprung this on you as a fait accompli. Definitely get takeaway if you don't fancy cooking.

I'd still re-examine your attitude to your stepchildren though.

LowryFan · 25/03/2015 10:10

We all have a PLOM from time to time. Don't worry.