Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is taking the piss somewhat? (hen do)

76 replies

hellomylittlefishies · 24/03/2015 21:30

So my friend is having 3 hen dos. Fine, if that's what you want. I agreed to go to all 3.

The maid of honour (who is a friend of mine) has just text me saying that they are organising another surprise hen do and it will be drinks and food at the brides house.

But can we bring our own drinks and we must text her what food we are planning to bring.

Now any party I went to I would bring drinks/food or both but I kind of feel this is taking the piss now. Aibu?

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 25/03/2015 08:26

Yabu. I think 3 hen dos already never mind 4 she's well and truly had her fair shAre of attention. By thd time her wedding dAy comes Around no one's going to be interested.
Is she royalty or something

goodnessgraciousgouda · 25/03/2015 08:33

I love weddings, but I've only been on a handful of hen do's. They were all lovely, but the brides were, you know, normal. I've never been asked to spend 1k going away for a week type thing.

I could even understand - at a push - three hen do's if they were all with different people - say one with mother in law and family friends (afternoon tea somewhere), one with your mates, and then - at a push - maybe if you lived bloody miles away from say, your uni friends, or you lived abroad or whatnot, another one with those friends. That way it saves anyone having to spend a fortune on travel and accomodation.

But three hen dos with the same people just sounds plain bonkers.

McFox · 25/03/2015 08:38

My friend is up to 3 hen dos at the moment, of which I'm only going to one because - drumroll please - the 2nd one will cost £700 before spending money, the first cost me about £250, and the 3rd will probably be about the same. The stag do is going to cost about £500 plus spending money. We've told them that we'll not be going to any of the upcoming events apart from the wedding itself.

One of the bridesmaids told me yesterday that she and her DH have spent £2k already on the first hen do, flights and accommodation for the second hen and the stag do, hotel room for the wedding venue and gift. Absolutely fuck that!

I would also say that if the marriage lasts, I'd be very surprised. Hmm

Only1scoop · 25/03/2015 08:42

Yabu to get involved with 4 hen do's....

How tacky

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 25/03/2015 09:55

Sorry op. That should hAve said ynbu. Lucky I checked

cozietoesie · 25/03/2015 10:03

I'm increasingly coming to the view that it's only the dressing up hen dos and actual ceremony that are keeping the institution of marriage going.

3 hen dos are ludicrous, OP - 4 is madness. Even if they cost nowt.

TwoOddSocks · 25/03/2015 10:06

YANBU if they want to have a party have a party but don't make it another hen do. Making it a hen do creates more of an expectation for everyone to attend unless they have a legitimate excuse, if it's just a party you can just not go because you're tired or want a date night with your DP without feeling guilty.

JigsawsAreAllLittlePieces · 25/03/2015 10:10

Hen do overload!

I've got married for the second time recently and have yet to have a hen do. Am I missing out? Grin

Momagain1 · 25/03/2015 10:19

The only reason to have multiple parties is if, for some reason, different groups of friends cannot make it to a single party. Work friends, friends and family back home, friends from uni, friends where you live now. That group of friends that doesnt really get on with that other group of friends.

guests should really only be expected at the one for the most appropriate group, or that is in their area. Even the MoH shouldnt have to go to every one of them, much less anyone else.

Bride or MoH is taking the piss.

StrangeGlue · 25/03/2015 10:20

Aw I did it all wrong! I had one hen do at my house and I paid for all the food and booze and put everyone up so their only costs were travel. What a fool I was!

Everyone invited came though Smile

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 25/03/2015 10:36

I did it wrong too. One hen do, which was a meal followed by a night on the town. I think it cost about £10 for the meal per person, and about £15 for the rest of the night. How did I not know I could have 4 at a cost of hundreds?!
I think it's time I remarried....Grin

StrangeGlue · 25/03/2015 10:40

Maybe we should have a second one littleprincess? I'm coming up on my 5th wedding anniversary I could start demanding parties and presents and...glitter?

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 25/03/2015 12:24

Sounds good to me StrangeGLue! But I think glitter may be too cheap, I think we need (nay deserve) tiny real diamonds instead! Grin

Yournotfeckingserious · 25/03/2015 14:16

4!! Shock

PHANTOMnamechanger · 25/03/2015 15:03

can we adopt a new phrase for people like this = henzilla!

imagine the viewing of the wedding video/photos event, the 1st anniversary, then a baby shower, the meet our baby do, the christening, the christening anniversary party and so on......

As for all these other people who want ridiculous amounts of fuss costing others £££ for hen/stag do, I just do not get it - whats wrong with a meal or night out, why the vast expense, at a time when many normal people can't afford luxuries.

£1000 for us is 2 family holidays of a week in the UK. no way would we fritter it on a hen/stag do.

spoonjarjarspoonjar · 25/03/2015 15:08

If this trend for uber-weddings continues, there are going to be a lot of very disappointed brides around in the years to come.

Imagine spending months being the centre of attention for all and sundry with multiple parties, gifts etc etc, only to find out after the wedding that you are not really a princess after all! You are just a wife now with a husband and a lot of wedding related debt.

ThatCuckingFat · 25/03/2015 15:19

I get it if you have really different groups of friends or they're in different countries etc, so you might have a couple of hen dos so you can include everyone, but the OP said she's agreed to go to all 3, so I get the impression the bride is having 3 4 hen dos just because... More attention?! Definitely a henzilla!
Are you a bridesmaid OP? I'm hoping, for your sake, that you're not!

MissBattleaxe · 25/03/2015 16:35

Utterly luidicroud, especially the photo montage poetry bollocks.

Is the bride Kanye West?

MissBattleaxe · 25/03/2015 16:38

I would say "Sorry I can't come to your 4 giant wankfests. At the end of the day, some guy proposed and that's it really. Here is a book about Narcissism."

popalot · 25/03/2015 16:45

Can I just tiptoe in and say you don't sound like you're particulary close, after what you've said about their relationship and reasons to get married. Why aren't you just going to one? Normally multiple hen dos are for different groups of friends.

AdeleDazeem · 25/03/2015 16:52

Organise a 5th hen do for her, a 2nd surprise one. The location for this one? Up the bride-to-be's arse. She's already got her head up there and it seems a few of her friends are right up there with her, licking away. So it's pretty convenient when you think about it.

For a gift (Im taking a wild guess here that gifts will be expected) you could bestow upon her a nice big reality check. To be cashed immediately.

miniavenger · 25/03/2015 18:56

YANBU OP. Some people get too carried away, it's fine if people a) want to go and don't just feel obliged to b) they are with different people and c) you accept people won't do more than the one but this woman does not sound that type.

I do know people who've had two hen do's- one friends and one parents - and one person who had 4 - one friends at her new(er) home here in the UK and with her MIL and DF female relatives, one at her old home and one with her mum, but they had all different people and weren't expensive. Plus the people insisted, rather then her.

DisappointedOne · 25/03/2015 19:06

I had 3 hen dos. 1 for my friends and family in Cardiff, where I'm from - a meal and a few drinks in town. Another evening in London where I was working - I laid on a buffet and we took full advantage of the bar's happy hour. And lastly I paid to take my best woman away for a long weekend to the place we first went to as friends (within the UK). I paid for flights, hotel, spa treatments and we split the cost of meals and drinks.

I considered the last one my real hen do. The others I did because I was sick of people asking what I was going to do for a hen do!

GERTI · 25/03/2015 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissBattleaxe · 28/03/2015 23:28

GERTI- I thang you. I'm here all week.