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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not go to this leaving do?

29 replies

brentonstripeandredlipstick · 24/03/2015 19:16

I've worked with this person for nearly 3 years, we used to be friends till she was involved in a bit of bullying and we are now civil but that's it.

It's her leaving do this Friday. I was going to go as I will be the only team member not to go and I feel that's poor.

However, given the above, the place has no parking and is in a rough area where you wouldn't want to walk about on your own. It will involve me getting a sitter and paying for one as well as paying 30 pounds for the night out which I can't afford.

I'm off from Friday for a week, aibu to say I've got a last min weekend away and can't make it?

OP posts:
eurochick · 24/03/2015 19:16

Don't go. Enjoy your evening.

Lunastarfish · 24/03/2015 19:18

Don't go!

ChazzerChaser · 24/03/2015 19:19

Don't go. She's leaving, you won't have to see her again.

TendonQueen · 24/03/2015 19:21

Definitely don't bother. I would only pay for a sitter for something I actually wanted to do, rather than going out with someone who used to bully me! Your absence will have been forgotten about a week later anyway.

Original poster
brentonstripeandredlipstick · 24/03/2015 19:23

I just don't want the rest of the team to think I'm awful.

that being said, she herself doesn't socalise with work people ever and I don't think has ever gone to anything while I have gone to plenty.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 24/03/2015 19:25

Just tell them you haven't got anyone to sit with the kids and then ditch the guilt.

ILovePud · 24/03/2015 19:28

Unless the rest of your team are massively unreasonable they won't think your awful for not going. Tell a white lie if that makes things comfortable but don't waste your money or your evening on the ex colleague.

MsJudgementalPants · 24/03/2015 19:30

Don't go, lock the doors and put your feet up with a bottle of wine!

VanitasVanitatum · 24/03/2015 19:39

Definitely use the baby sitter fail excuse to your colleagues if you feel the need to excuse.

Original poster
brentonstripeandredlipstick · 24/03/2015 19:45

I'm the only one in the team with a child and don't think they understand the whole babysitter thing. I think it might annoy people.

But then I found out it was all sorted on fb a few days ago. I'm not friends with her on there because if the bullying. so missed out and it was mentioned to me today, with only 4 days to go when everyone else knew end of last week.

sod it. I'm not going.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 24/03/2015 19:49

Don't go

life is too short to do optional stuff you don't want to do

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 24/03/2015 19:53

I wouldn't go, she won't care whether you're there or not.

lavenderhoney · 24/03/2015 19:54

Way too short notice. Especially for a Friday night before easter.

Make your apologies -" im sorry, I have plans already" say you are having friends/ parents for dinner.

If you've said you'll go and now regret it, say your babysitter can't make it. But you hope they all have a great time. And forget about it. And ignore fb!

lavenderhoney · 24/03/2015 19:58

AND dont contribute to a massively expensive leaving present!

MehsMum · 24/03/2015 20:11

No def, don't go. Say you can't a babysitter because you haven't even tried

chickenfuckingpox · 24/03/2015 20:40

get norovirus

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 24/03/2015 20:45

Don't go

Andylion · 24/03/2015 21:48

I went to a retirement party for someone I used to have friction with. Lately, things had been more "friendly" between us. There were a lot of people from the whole organisation and almost everyone from our department. In her speech she mentioned by name everyone but me and the only other colleague who hadn't attended. I felt like a twit. Don't go.

derxa · 24/03/2015 21:53

It's all right saying don't go but this may help isolate you at work. You have been bullied by this woman. What about the rest of them? Do you get on OK with them? Be assured they will not believe you when you say that you couldn't get a baby sitter.
Believe me I know of what I speak.

uglyswan · 24/03/2015 21:58

Well, if she "was involved in a bit of bullying" then obviously it was her who fucked up your working relationship, not you. So why should you invest time, money, and energy in pretending she didn't? Noone will thank you for it and you will have an absolutely miserable evening when you could bingewatching Better Call Saul and eating pre-Easter eggs (so much nicer than actual Easter eggs)?

Janethegirl · 24/03/2015 22:21

No I'd not go either.

However I can be a right antisocial cow.

On the day say your dc is unwell ie get a friend to call you and tell you this so you've a cast iron get of jail free card to play. No one will expect a mum with a sick kid to go out socialising.

MidniteScribbler · 24/03/2015 23:14

You are under no obligation to socialise with work colleagues outside of your designated working hours.

Original poster
brentonstripeandredlipstick · 25/03/2015 06:35

I get on ok with 70% of them. The ones I don't was because they
were part of the bullying too.

I just don't want to go really, more so it's my weekend with my child ( am a lone parent ) and I try to avoid getting a sitter when it's my time with her, doesn't seem fair.

I won't be missed I don't think, one other person is also not going.

OP posts:
MurielWoods · 25/03/2015 06:45

I turn down invites for things all the time.

I don't offer any excuses, usually end up just saying "I don't want to"

Right anti-social cow I am Grin

ladymariner · 25/03/2015 06:52

No, I wouldn't go either.....just be polite and say you can't make it but wish her well and be glad to see the back of her!