To want a thankyou?

[Iamatotalandutteridiot]

OK, open to all answers as it's perfectly possible I'm being utterly irrational... but... when you do something EXTRA special for your partner... what's the response likely to be?

For me, it's 'well done' - like, yeah, you did good job, but a job I expected you to do anyway.

It's never 'thanks' 'I really appreciate that' 'that's saved me a ton of bother' 'You didn't have to do that'...

All of the above would be 'appropriate' (in that I DIDN'T have to do it, it DID save him a ton of bother, HE should appreciate it and he SHOULD be thankful) but no... 'Oh, well done' and move on...

AIBU?

What did you do?

I think it's nice to thank someone for doing something for you.

I wouldn't expect to have to thank my husband for putting the dishes into the dishwasher or anything like that but something nice, for me, then yes, I'd expect some recognition of the fact I did something nice. Just as I'd say thanks if he did something nice for me.

It's a loving way to behave, acknowledging when the other person has been sweet to you.

What did you do?

I think I switched round halfway through that waffle. It reads weird.

basically

domestic tasks that are the responsibility of all - no gushing thanks required, that implies that it was your job and the other person was doing you a favour. Which unless someone is a domestic appliance it isn't their job and they don't need to be grateful someone did something round the house. A basic 'cheers love' is plenty.

personal lovely thing that is not a household task - thanks appreciated cos it's a lovely thought.

I really hope it's something racy and not just that you got his car serviced or something?

More info needed. I know what makes my dh extra greatful.

When my husband ran downstairs half dressed to help me jumpstart my car, I said 'thank you' as I know it made his leisurely preparations for work less so. When he makes me dinner, I say thank you because we both thank each other for making dinner. When he loads the dishwasher I say nothing because he is equally responsible for that as a job that keeps out household ticking. If you are talking about a 'favour' on that scale that tallies with my response, then YANBU!

when you do something EXTRA special for your partner... what's the response likely to be?
Given that I (just me?) assumed this referred to something completely filthy, the "saved me a lot of bother" response made me all

Oh no, it's not filthy. It's very mundane in the scheme of things.

I do all the housework. There are no 'man' jobs here, and certainly no shared responsibilities.

It's just something that I usually leave to him, that he totally doesn't like doing and totally moans about all day when he has to and today, I had extra time, so I did it for him.

I totally didn't have to (I don't usually), he totally moans about it (so should at least have been a little thankful?) but it feels I've just gained myself another job :-(

It's nothing special... just that it feels like it's, from now on, going to be expected that I do it and I don't normally have time (time consuming)

it really is totally boring. I just felt like I was doing him a favour, to save him a couple of hours tonight, which instead of getting me a brownie point has got me another job to do :-(

Well done sounds very patronising.

(he works, so it would have been half a day of his weekend, which I did today instead... so I guess I thought he'd at least be pleased that I'd freed up his day - half a day of the job and half a day of moaning about it)

It sounds awful, but I wish I hadn't bothered now.

What did you clean the fish tank?

LOL, not saying - I would totally out myself!

It's hard work, takes a good couple of hours and isn't the most pleasant of jobs. But, basically, is part of the maintenance of the house.

Sounds like he resents having to do it in the first place. Do you feel like he takes what you do for granted?

Was it doing the bins?!

Is it something to do with the septic tank?

Was going to say septic tank something or other.

Oh okay, if it takes hours it probably isn't the bins!
Sounds like you saved him time and effort and he should have thanked you.
But you say you made a special effort for him, and then also that it's a basic part of household maintenance (really want to know what it is now!) so I'm torn.
It does sound generally like he's a bit lazy though, next time don't do it as you sound resentful of having given up your time for no thanks.

OK, it's not basic maintenance, it's a nice to have... but it makes our lives easier on a day to day basis having it done... A bit like stocking up on loo roll or something so you don't have to go to the shops every time one runs out... so you buy 9... does that make sense?

it's like that, but on a proper industrial / heat the house scale. The house would still run, but it would be a chore that would have to be done daily, when it's much nicer to do it once every couple of weeks / weather dependant.

I just don't want to have to do it all the time, and I have an awful feeling that's what I just bought myself.

Chopping wood

Stacking firewood

Anyway. I say thanks if DH does his jobs he's supposed to do. I say thanks if Dh does jobs I'm supposed to to do and vice versa. It's about being kind and appreciating each other. I would accept a well done though depending on tone of voice.

I was going to say chopping wood too! Or possibly chopping kindling - my DH hates that much more than chopping logs!

Why would you having done this chore once mean that it is now added to your list? just don't do it again. Do you have open discussions about who does what around the house, if not I'd start know, if he quietly drops doing this because you've done it once the resentment will eat away at you. BTW no YANBU to expect a thank you.

It has to be chopping wood.

Depends, do you thank him for going to work? If so, then he should thank you for the housework if not then surely it's just your designated roles?