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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wish my friend would just say if I've done something to upset her?

26 replies

Primarkable · 24/03/2015 16:10

The last few times I've seen her on the school run, a friend of mine has been very off with me. She has been laughing and smiling and chatting to others and then just said a very cold hello to me.

I sent her a text after she had been like that a couple of times and asked her if I had upset her, and she sent a text back saying no of course not, she just has a lot on her mind at the moment. I sent a text in return saying I was sorry to hear that and was glad I hadn't upset her and that I was here if she needed anything.

Since then she has repeatedly been cold and offhand with me. This morning she just said a cold hello, and then this afternoon she was walking with 3 others, all laughing and chatting, and when she saw me she just looked, didn't even acknowledge me, and walked off.

I have clearly done something to upset her but I have no idea what. I honestly cannot think of a single thing that I could have done wrong. I feel really upset about this. I hate bad feeling and hate falling out with people and now I feel like crap but don't know what I have done :(

OP posts:
FarFromAnyRoad · 24/03/2015 16:16

Has she suddenly taken up with a bunch of new friends? Is there any chance you've been 'wendied'? Anyway it is my opinion that life is too short and precious for this kind of thing. I realise it leaves you puzzled and hurt but it would be best for you if you just write her off. You've given her a chance to explain - she was obviously letting you down gently - to me it sounds like she's moved on. Do the same. Ignore her, make some new friends and do not let her suspect it's getting to you.

Phephenson · 24/03/2015 16:18

Is it possible that she has done something that she is ashamed of and thinks you are going to find out?

Original poster
Primarkable · 24/03/2015 16:19

I have other friends and to be honest it's not like I see her loads, as I do work quite a lot of hours now.

I just don't want there to be a funny atmosphere and for her to be offhand with me when I haven't done anything wrong. I don't get why, if she was happy to more or less blank me, she couldn't then say why she is pissed off with me.

OP posts:
CunningCat · 24/03/2015 16:20

I agree with Far. Ignore her and move on.

redexpat · 24/03/2015 16:21

Ugh its so annoying when that happens. Either you havw done something, and she cant/wont forgive and therefore isnt up for discussing it, or she doesnt know how to discuss it constructively, ir youre being wendied. Whatever the reason, this friendship is over. Time to find some new friends.

FarFromAnyRoad · 24/03/2015 16:24

There can only be a 'funny atmosphere' if you allow that to happen. Just breeze about as though she's just another face on the planet - which she is - someone you don't know too well, don't talk to, don't really care about in any way. There's no need for snidey looks and deep sighs of desperation Grin - just go about your business without acknowledging her on your radar. It may be that you will never know what it's all about so I wouldn't waste any more time on this.

Original poster
Primarkable · 24/03/2015 16:25

The thing is I often have to walk past her on the school run as we live very near each other.

Do I speak to her in a cold, offhand tone, or do I say a bright and breezy hello, or how should I act?

OP posts:
The80sweregreat · 24/03/2015 16:26

I hate it when people dont tell you the truth. Maybe something happened or was said and she took it the wrong way? If she still continues to be funny with you theres not much you can do. Just play it cool for now. It sounds like a classic wendy situation, do you know the other women ?

SoleSource · 24/03/2015 16:28

Just ignore her. Life is far too short for her style of treatment of others. You're better than that rubbish!

flaneuringaround · 24/03/2015 16:44

I agree with the others. Ignore if she's like that. That gives you more time to nurture the friendships you have with more caring people.

(Assuming you haven't done anything like forget her birthday (if its a big thing for you two), or inadvertantly ignored her/left her out of something.)

Not excusing the last paragraph, just seems strange at the sudden cold shoulder. Agree with possible Wendy?

sqibble · 24/03/2015 17:05

Is it possible that your dc has upset her dc? Or yours has been picked for something hers hasn't?

I've known people go weird for these reasons.

My dc are getting on a bit now and I have two women like this in my wake. I just give them a bright and breezy hello and they can't get away from me fast enough.

Whatever the reason, I'd move on from that one.

FenellaFellorick · 24/03/2015 17:24

maybe you haven't done anything. Maybe she is just an unpleasant person who likes to pick someone to freeze out. You know, like school bullies?

If she won't tell you what the problem is, what can you do? Get down on your knees and beg? Nah, screw her.

Just get on with your day and act like she is of so little importance to you that you haven't even noticed her stupid games. Say a cheery hello as you pass her and put her out of your mind.

PicaK · 24/03/2015 17:57

I've had a bad couple of weeks and with people I don't know that well it's been easy to do the inconsequential small talk thing with on the school run. I'm guilty of putting my head down and rushing past the ones I'm closer to cos I know I'll just burst into tears if they ask me how it's going. Not a good look for the school run. It might not be that I know but is always worth bearing in mind when people are odd that it's not you.

miniavenger · 24/03/2015 19:42

Just ignore her, look right through her and pretend she doesn't exist.

blankgaze · 24/03/2015 20:16

Cheery Hello followed by a big smile every time you clap eyes on her when she's with other people. If she ignores you, she'll look very odd indeed to the people she's with. Someone will call her on it and you'll find out eventually via other people gossiping talking.

Aeroflotgirl · 24/03/2015 20:19

I would just say a cheery hello, make her feel,bad in front of her friends. She's no friend.

CocobearSqueeze · 24/03/2015 20:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Biggles398 · 24/03/2015 20:31

As others have said, a cheery "hello" as you pass with not a care in the world attitude, and move on with your day. If she's with others, a general "morning ladies" and then move on with your day :)

FuckingTaxCredits · 24/03/2015 20:35

she sounds a right twat

PinkTriangle · 24/03/2015 20:40

There was a mum like this at my ds old school. Bearing in mind our dc were in pre school, she would take personal offense to parents of children who had been mean to her dd..... She stopped talking to me for ages and din't invite my ds to her dds 4th birthday because he called her a poo!
Do you think this is like her?

Stearinlys · 24/03/2015 20:41

ignore her back, and be really friendly to the people she's chatting to (if you want to be).

i can't be bothered figuring out what I'm supposed to have done wrong if I know I haven't actually done anything wrong. fuck that!

Shakey1500 · 24/03/2015 20:44

Definitely a cheery hello, with a hint of no-idea-what-I've-supposed-to-have-done-but-I-am-far-too-busy-to-care Smile

Stearinlys · 24/03/2015 20:44

pinktriangle, that's hilarious! my son has probably called the entire class a poo on at least one occasion.

I know it can be a bit upsetting though. One supercilious article deleted me from face book and the only reason it could possibly be is because her aunt passed on a piece of gossip to her, she put two and two together and got five and erroneously deduced that I was having an affair with a married man. I know I have not though. And when I look at her outside the school gates in clothes that cost ten times as much as anybody else's and big sunnys and expensive hair, I just think "common gossip".

Original poster
Primarkable · 24/03/2015 22:56

Thanks everyone for all of the replies.

I don't think there have been any fallings out between her DC and mine; they are all in different school years and so don't really mix at school.

I have been talking to DH tonight and decided that I'm not going to bother trying to be friends with her any longer. I just cannot be bothered with drama, and prefer to be friends with people with whom I know where I stand. Even if she thinks I've done something (and I truly cannot think of anything), the fact that she has acted the way she has done is a friendship dealbreaker for me.

I'm lucky in that I have other friends to spend time with so I guess I don't need her friendship as such. I'll just chalk it down to experience and give her a cheery hello each time I see her and leave it at that.

OP posts:
laylaloulou · 25/03/2015 12:33

On principle, if someone suddenly stops talking to me then I mentally cross them off my list of people that I would consider a friend.

In future I would avoid her, just say a polite cheery hello if you do happen to see her and leave it at that.

And if she tries to befriend you again at some point, which she probably will do, just be busy and vague!

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