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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask a friend for...

29 replies

AlfieGotInFirst · 24/03/2015 10:15

a fiver back on principle.

I went to a party at the weekend. Early in the evening a friend and her husband announced that they were leaving. Their 22 year old daughter (we will call her Sarah) didn't want to leave so the mom (we will call her Emily) said 'it's okay, you can go home with Alfie and her husband'. She didn't ask me first just assumed it would be okay.

Later in the evening, Emily and her husband had gone home I was at the bar ad Sarah came up to me and said 'can you buy me a drink, my mom didn't leave me with any money'. I felt bad saying no so said yes. She asked the barmaid for a DOUBLE vodka and coke. Fast forward to the end of the night and taxi time. My friend asked me if me and DH would mind sharing a taxi with his mom and brother to make sure they got home okay as brother was drunk and I was sober and sensible. I said no problem but had Sarah- he said she could share a taxi with his daughter (her friend) as we were leaving, Sarah said to me 'I've got no money for the taxi. Can you give me some?' so I said I'd lend her a fiver. I gave it to her and her response was 'is that all?'. I told her that it was all I had and was going to have to go to the cashpoint on the way home now to pay towards my own taxi. Left to sounds of my husband and friends mom calling her a cheeky wotsit.

My husband has said to me several times 'I hope that you get that fiver back off Emily. I still can't believe they just left Sarah with no money expecting everyone else to pay for her'.

I want to ask her for the fiver back but feel slightly pathetic because it's only a fiver but it's the principle. She actually cost me over a tenner with Sarah's drink and the fee I had to pay to take money out of a cashpoint to pay for my half of the taxi because I'd given it to her daughter.

OP posts:

penny13610 · 24/03/2015 10:22

I think you should ask Sarah for the money back. She is 22!

ineedtogetthisout · 24/03/2015 10:25

What Penny said. Sarah is an adult, she was the one asking for money, get it back from her.

Original poster

AlfieGotInFirst · 24/03/2015 10:26

Penny, Sarah doesn't have a job or any benefits as she quit her first and only job after a day and gets all of her money off her mom (who also doesn't have a job).

OP posts:

TwartFaceBeetj · 24/03/2015 10:26

Why did a 22 year old expect her mum to leave her money? I'd asking Sarah for drink and taxi money back.

Only1scoop · 24/03/2015 10:27

Ask the 'adult' daughter not her mother

TwartFaceBeetj · 24/03/2015 10:28

Whether Sarah has a job or not she is an adult and responsible for herself.

Feckeggblue · 24/03/2015 10:28

I'd forget about it tbh and tell your friend you don't want to be put in that situation again.

AlpacaMyBags · 24/03/2015 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

penny13610 · 24/03/2015 10:30

Alfie Sarah not having a job is Sarah's problem, not yours.
Ask her for the money. If she objects advise her to sign on. She will get money, NI credits and a kick up the backside to get a job.

esiotrot2015 · 24/03/2015 10:32

Your friend & her daughter sound like awful free loaders

Goldmandra · 24/03/2015 10:33

At 22, she should have been embarrassed to have to ask to borrow money and certainly not borrowing it for a drink.

Asking for money without the intention of repaying it is beyond cheeky and I would have told her to wake her parents up for the money for the taxi when she got home.

Why is everyone treating a 22YO like a child in the first place? My 17YO wouldn't have expected other adults to pay for her in those circumstances, never mind a 22YO.

Oh and who asks someone to buy them a drink, then orders a double? This woman needs a big reality check!

ConcreteElephant · 24/03/2015 10:42

Ask Sarah. If she's old enough to have double vodka and coke she's old enough to pay! How on earth was she out without her own money or a debit card at least anyway - is she the Queen?

ilovesooty · 24/03/2015 10:48

Contact Sarah and ask for the money. And in future have nothing to do with these freeloaders and don't fund them.

Bilberrycrumble · 24/03/2015 10:49

I'd let it go - but don't do it again.

UnderEstherMate · 24/03/2015 10:55

Blimey, she's a year younger than me yet I can't even imagine ever saying "my mum didn't leave me any money." I can't even remember the last time anything like that would have even crossed my mind!

I don't think her parents are cheeky, they probably assumed that their adult daughter would provide for herself. I think Sarah is both rude and a bit of an idiot.

sosix · 24/03/2015 10:59

What has it got to do with sarah's mum? Sarah is an adult.

Original poster

AlfieGotInFirst · 24/03/2015 11:10

I phoned Sarah to ask- before I had chance she was going on about asking her mom for money for bus fare to go and meet a friend. Mom was in the back ground saying she would have to check her bank but didn't think she had any money.

Esiotrot- you're right- they are freeloaders. At Christmas. Emily and her husband came round for drinks and food. Except, they didn't bring any drinks! Happens all the time.

OP posts:

Original poster

AlfieGotInFirst · 24/03/2015 11:14

Sarah left college, was signing on, got a job before Christmas went once and then went off sick (with a water infection). Isn't getting sick pay and hasn't signed back on. Every time I see her, I ask if she's found herself a new job- she says the job she went to once is keeping it open for her until she's better. Personally, I call bullshit. Her mom isn't encouraging her to find a job. Just doles out money to her.

OP posts:

seriouslypeedoff · 24/03/2015 11:18

Tbh I can't see how you are going to get it off the parents. Sarah borrowed the money. Since you weren't there for the conversation about her going home with you. You can't say whether the mother told her to get a taxi and you would pay. Sarah may have said, you told her it was ok for her to get a taxi with you.

The parents may not bring drinks round for parties. But Sarah is an adult, who wanted to stay at a party with no money. It is not ger mothers responsibility to provide an adult with cash to drink vodka with. You bought her the drink and lent her the money. Tell your friend you won't be lending her money again and tell Sarah you want it back.

This is between you and Sarah. Not her parents.

penny13610 · 24/03/2015 11:32

Alfie you are trying to be nice and making lots of excuses for Sarah. Do not become a doormat. Leaving her at the party with no money was not an option. Either be assertive and ask Sarah for the money and her parents to guarantee this payback or take it on the chin. Be careful to avoid this situation again, nice people get trodden on quite a lot.

Original poster

AlfieGotInFirst · 24/03/2015 12:10

I text her to ask for it back. Her reply 'I can't until I get it off my gran'. Her gran! Her Gran is a bloody pensioner. I can't believe it.

OP posts:

seriouslypeedoff · 24/03/2015 12:23

So you asked her for it, she said when she borrows it off someone else. You either want it back or not. She has no money, you gave her a fiver. To pay you back she is going to have to borrow it from someone. Who it comes from shouldn't effect whether you take it back or not. She has no money of her own so you know she will have to borrow it, regardless. Or do you only want it, if it comes from her mother?

Clutterbugsmum · 24/03/2015 12:47

I think it's time to limit when and where you meet them, and any time they ask about 'borrowing' money for anything it has to be NO. They see you as a ATM to give them money whenever they want it.

Clutterbugsmum · 24/03/2015 12:49

Esiotrot- you're right- they are freeloaders. At Christmas. Emily and her husband came round for drinks and food. Except, they didn't bring any drinks! Happens all the time. Next time they do it give them water, and make it clear to them that you are not allowing them to freeload off you anymore.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 24/03/2015 12:53

Sarah sounds like a right ungrAteful bitch tbh. You loan/give her £5 and she Asks for more. Honestly there are people out there who would ask for more blood if you gave if you handed them your heart on a plate.

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