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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a bit upset with my DB that I found out about my nieces arrival on FB

58 replies

askyfullofstars · 23/03/2015 10:58

I have always been close to my brother and my SIL, he gave me away at my wedding, I was a bridesmaid at theirs, I am close to my DN (their first) and their second DD was due on Thursday.
We dont live physically close, but we talk and visit each other a lot, I even had a lovely chat with my DSIL on Saturday about how exciting the new baby will be and when we are next visiting, and to keep me posted, she said not to worry she'd make sure my DB let me know as soon as.
Anyhoo, fast forward to this morning, I am at work (I know I shouldnt be MN'ing at work, but there is only me here today and feel a bit upset and dont know if I am overreacting) so cant talk, but have been checking my phone periodically for a text/news (my first DN was a week early), and I received a text from a friend to say congrats about my niece, she'd just seen it on FB I must be really excited.
So I did have a nose and my DSIL's mum posted on facebook at 4am this morning "baby xxx arrived safely very proud grandma - with DB and DSIL".

I am ready to be told that I am being pathetic and need to get over myself, I just feel a bit hurt that x hundred random aquaintances knew anything about my DN arrival and I am yet to even get a text. or anything.

And I know that it can be a pain to text/call everyone, so I am prepared to be flamed for that, I just cant help feeling a bit hurt.

OP posts:
ClumsyNinja · 23/03/2015 11:25

Honestly, I wouldn't think too much of it.

Surely, your DB and DSiL are rather busy with their new baby than to ensure the correct protocol of informing relatives has been observed?

Personally, I'd never post news via FB until my nearest and dearest had been informed and as a granny, I won't even post pics of my DGS on FB.
I guess that could change as they grow up especially as GP's on other side post pics now.

YvesJutteau · 23/03/2015 11:25

YABU to be upset with your DB because your DSIL's mum posted something.

He wasn't going to call you at 4am. She was excited about her new grandchild. I bet she didn't ask first. And once it was on FB there was no longer any real need to text you, because the news was out.

Are you expecting that your SIL should ignore all congratulations addressed to her by anybody else because she hasn't had official notification from her husband that you've been officially informed? She's (presumably) in hospital having spent a large chunk of the night pushing a baby out.

You are, I'm afraid, being pathetic and need to get over yourself.

Original poster
askyfullofstars · 23/03/2015 11:25

basin Im not sitting here getting all worked up about it, It just surprised me. Nothing is going to take away how happy I feel that my niece has arrived safely, I am just genuinely surprised to find out this way. Maybe I'm an old gimmer and this is how things are done these days.

OP posts:
Original poster
askyfullofstars · 23/03/2015 11:26

Yves, bit harsh no?
Like I said, I was just genuinely surprised, thats all.

OP posts:
YvesJutteau · 23/03/2015 11:32

You also said "I am ready to be told that I am being pathetic and need to get over myself" but apparently that's not entirely accurate.

Original poster
askyfullofstars · 23/03/2015 11:38

Oh yeah, sorry yves Im just really not with it this morning (I need more coffee I think. Apologies. Thanks

OP posts:
CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 23/03/2015 11:42

We only know through the grapevine that DH's brother now has a little boy born last Wednesday... Hmm I know they aren't close, but I do think there are some things (births, deaths, emergencies) that warrant contact with your family first

Peepants78 · 23/03/2015 11:45

Same happened here - except it was my own sister. I saw it on FB, rang my DM to jokingly say 'Oi! Share the news!' and she didn't know either.
She finally got a call an hour later.
We are a close family so it was quite a stinger that she placed her family on the same level as random people she played FarmVille with. I think she got caught up in the posting for likes thing.
Perhaps a text to you got delayed? Or her DM just wanted the glow of sharing news. Either way YANBU to be upset

Hotpotpie · 23/03/2015 11:58

My sil's sister announced the birth of my niece on Facebook before anyone knew and I remember my bil being devastated with her, all his family and close friends calling wondering why they didn't hear from him and it really wasn't his fault. Sounds like an over excited parent to me, yes you should have found out a different way but it can't be changed and imagine how many others found out the same way, you would be unreasonable if you let it cloud the baby's arrival though

viva100 · 23/03/2015 12:07

I think yabu. You're not their priority this morning. They must be absolutely exhausted and fb is actually a very convenient way to spread the message. Especially as you care about them so much, you should be more understanding and give them a call to congratulate them.

Maliceaforethought · 23/03/2015 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SistersOfPercy · 23/03/2015 12:26

I've never understood why it matters tbh. The baby is here, you will find out one way or another before the kid is 18 I'm sure Grin
Usually you find the new Dad has his head in the shed and new Mum is too busy to give anything other than the newborn a passing thought.

You've found out you have a new DN, personally how wouldn't be an issue. Now I'd be texting/calling my congrats and getting ready for lovely newborn snuggles.

BodleianLibrarianook · 23/03/2015 12:33

I found out about the death of a relative on FB. It's crass.
I was really upset, people can be very thoughtless on social media.
I think you are right to be upset, but I'd probably not mention it.

irretating · 23/03/2015 12:33

I can see why you would be a bit annoyed, but I really wouldn't make an issue of it. It's not like your brother posted it himself.

elliejjtiny · 23/03/2015 12:39

YANBU to be upset but I'd be annoyed at the granny, not your DB. When DS5 was born I didn't call my mum until 12 hours later and even then it was because I was worried that FIL or DS1 would tell everyone at school and someone would put it on facebook before I had the chance. DH had phoned PIL when he was born and then gone home to bed. I was in HDU on morphine recovering from uterine rupture and crash C-section so really wasn't well enough to phone anyone. My mum said afterwards that I made no sense at all when I phoned her, just kept saying "he's here" over and over. It would have been better to wait until a couple of days later when I was a bit better. DS1 was born before the days of social media and it was a lot easier then.

MirrorMirror · 23/03/2015 12:46

YANBU I would feel exactly as you do.

zippey · 23/03/2015 12:49

Yes, I agree with posters who say this isn't about you, and that you are making too big a deal of this. Just be happy for them and be nice to your neice.

Fleecyleesy · 23/03/2015 12:49

It's 2015.
You will need to get over it.

chinstrappenguin · 23/03/2015 12:53

Have you called your DB yet?

NeedABumChange · 23/03/2015 12:56

Facebook is hideous. YANBU.

JassyRadlett · 23/03/2015 13:01

I think her mother was well out of order, to be honest. I sent a group text soon after DS's birth to people I didn't want to find out second hand, and I can understand that it's upsetting.

But then, none of my family would dream about announcing someone else's news on FB. My nephew has never had a picture or had his name mentioned on social media, because that is his parents' choice.

shellistar · 23/03/2015 13:03

A relative of mine had this happen to her. Her first baby and everyone found out because a "friend" posted on Facebook that she was in labour and wished her luck. Not even in a "Jane has asked me to post that she's gone into labour..." kind of way, but purely a "me first" way.

I felt that it really denied the new parents the opportunity to announce it themselves.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 23/03/2015 13:04

I don't think you have the right to be upset with your db about it he probably wasn't even aware at the time. Hopefully he's told you himself by now though. My first nephew was born around the same time and I got called a few hours later to be told. Let them enjoy their new baby together for a while. Congrats on becoming auntie again!

5YearsTime · 23/03/2015 13:13

I think you should be upset but you'll have to let it go, it wasn't your brother or your SIL that made the mistake. For all you know, your SIL will be upset with her

Chocolatecakefan · 23/03/2015 13:26

I've seen the same as shellistar... A couple years ago one of my close friends was having twins. Everyone found out she was in labour as a mutual friend put a post up along the lines of "good luck to xxxx who is being induced today, so excited to meet your babies!"

I thought it was really unnecessary, anything could have happened (God forbid) and it really wasn't her place to say anything. She wasn't even a particularly close friend of the girl in labour! I think in the end someone must have said something to her as she deleted the post eventually, which was just as well as our friend was in labour for 36 hours.

I'm currently 35 + 5 and I can't think of anything worse than having the pressure of people trying to find out what's going on whilst in labour!!!

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