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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To complain about my son's school...

47 replies

Katinkka · 23/03/2015 10:12

My son goes to a PRU on a permanent basis due to his behaviour issues. He is finally, after two years getting his autism assessment next month. He has a statement.

My issue is with the head teacher and the religious indoctrination at the school. The head teacher speaks to me (and others) as if we are naughty children. I have pulled her up on this and been told 'not to start'. She has had me in tears before and when I left, had a go at me for being rude for leaving at the next meeting. I do not feel like I can speak to her about anything. At the beginning we had a good relationship.

The other issue is the religious bent she puts on everything. The children are not allowed to eat unless they say grace. This is nonsense to me. I am not religious but have up to now, let this go as I was hoping to get him into another school. I now realise I am stuck with this school for the foreseeable future. I feel put in a difficult situation because I don't want to encourage my son to be disobedient in a situation where many children have behaviour issues but, I am not happy about the saying grace and going on about God all the time. I feel it has no place in a state funded special school. If anyone should be thanked, it should be the dinner ladies!

I've looked at their complaints policy and Ofsted but can't find what I should do. A letter to her seems pointless as she usually ignores any attempt I make at communication unless she needs to. Maybe, I shouldn't do anything... ?

OP posts:
Vitamints · 23/03/2015 10:14

Not participating in religious worship is not the same as being disobedient.

TheFecklessFairy · 23/03/2015 10:14

Oh, God - not this again Grin

Vitamints · 23/03/2015 10:16

The rest of what you've posted sounds awful, though. Really odd.

tiggytape · 23/03/2015 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Quitelikely · 23/03/2015 10:17

I would not complain as such. Have you asked that your son is excused from saying prayer if you are upset about it?

Something to note: might your son be fine with it? If so isn't it just better to let him make his own mind up about it?

KatieKaye · 23/03/2015 10:18

How long has he been in the school? What dies his statement relate to? And how old is he?
Sorry just need some background to all this

Katinkka · 23/03/2015 10:24

Well, that's it. I know personally, if I am at someone's home and they say grace then of course I respect it and take part if not internally. But this is a school. Anyway, I think I will officially attempt to withdraw him from the 'worship' I didn't know that was possible. I don't know if it would be enforced though and will tell my son he has the choice whether he does it or not.

The bigger issue is the attitude of the Head and not sure how that will ever be resolved. When we had a good relationship she made some very derogatory remarks about other children and parents such as calling them 'thugs' and 'rough'.

They also have a policy not to write in children's DLA forms which annoys me as my son's renewal is coming up. When I first applied he was at a different school and they filled it in no problems.

OP posts:
Katinkka · 23/03/2015 10:25

I am still waiting for the statement in written form even though he's had it in effect since December. So I don't know the details other than it states this school is the best place for him...

OP posts:
Katinkka · 23/03/2015 10:25

He's 9

OP posts:
mummytime · 23/03/2015 10:31

He should not be in a PRU permanently - that is why most have changed their names to "short stay school".

Sorry but you need to start making a lot more fuss. The NAS may be able to help, and certainly can advise you. There are organisations like SEN!SOS! who can provide advice and possibly legal help.

A PRU is not a long term solution for any child, and your son sounds very young to be in one.

Katinkka · 23/03/2015 10:35

He's been full time for 2 years or so now.

OP posts:
zazzie · 23/03/2015 10:41

Agree that a PRU should not be a permanent placement. If you have never seen his statement, he doesn't have one yet.

AliceMcGee · 23/03/2015 10:42

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5madthings · 23/03/2015 10:46

Oh fuck off Alice not helpful.

Did you miss the part about the child having special needs and a statement?!

Op I wouldn't be happy with enforced grace, if I was happy with everything else I would be inclined to ignore it but it sounds like the head teacher is not being very professional, calling other parents 'thugs' etc.

I agree you need to start making a fuss, you need to see the statement, if they have even done one. Pru should be short term, it doesn't sound like there is a proper plan in place for your child, the aim should be support for back to mainstream or a more specific school geared for his needs if necessary.

God why is it such a battle to get help for children with extra needs.

mummytime · 23/03/2015 10:46

AliceMcGee - did you see the bit about him being assessed for Autism - or do you just not care?

zazzie · 23/03/2015 10:49

She probably doesn't care.

Wellthen · 23/03/2015 10:50

Very helpful Alice

OP I agree you need to be lookin at why he's there long term and whether special school, would be a better solution. The whole statement situation seems very dubious. Definitely contact charities etc, you need some support with this.

Honestly I would contact Ofsted. This head needs a serious kick up the arse.

SunnyBaudelaire · 23/03/2015 10:51

comments like that are just not helpful Alice.
My son was in a PRU and if I told you exactly waht behaviour led to him being placed there, you would laugh.
In addition the staff there spoke to me v patronisingly and judgementally so I know where OP is coming from, eg the assumption that he would have free school meals, callling me 'Mum' etc.
OP there are organisations that will send an advocate with you to meetings.
I wonder what area you are in?
As for the grace, OP if it really goes against your grain, you must say something.

EveBoswell · 23/03/2015 10:52

I don't see any objection to saying Grace because it doesn't really count as 'worship' in my eyes. Whether it's aimed at God or not, we should all be thankful for having something to eat when there are so many who haven't. Thank the sun or the tree in the garden or the farmer down the road for being able to eat something.

Katinkka · 23/03/2015 10:54

I'm sure he does have the statement. The school is like three schools in one so it's a PRU, a special school for behaviour issues and a medical sort of school.. It's hard to describe really. Prior to the statement he had to leave after lunch but now is in a different part and there permanently and can stay till 3..So not technically in a PRU now so sorry about that.

The excuse I've been given about the statement is that they are short-staffed and behind in the actual writing up of statements but that any changes can be enforced. So what a mess eh? I've just tried to chase it up but been fobbed off and waiting for call back.

OP posts:
SunnyBaudelaire · 23/03/2015 10:54

for example in Wales there is SNAP Cymru
www.snapcymru.org/
I am sending you the link so you get the idea, although of course we do not what area you are in.

SunnyBaudelaire · 23/03/2015 10:56

if he has a statement, you should have seen it.

Katinkka · 23/03/2015 10:57

I do have an advocate. He is a bit of a wet lettuce though.. I just tried to call him but he is on leave. The Head does tend to intimidate pretty much everyone.

The grace is 'for what we are about to recieve, may the lord make us truely thankful'.

OP posts:
SunnyBaudelaire · 23/03/2015 10:58

LOL @ wet lettuce I like you already OP.
To be honest I spent at least five years of school muttering that before we ate, and I am still a confirmed atheist, I mean it is hardly brainwashing.
Could you get a different person?

Katinkka · 23/03/2015 11:01

Sorry, he's been full time since January but prior to that been at the school for about two years but leaving at 1pm each day.

OP posts:
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