To wonder if i'm from a different planet

[cleanmyhouse]

Just that really. I think i might be in the wrong place.

• am a (happily) single mum
•have no grief with my ex
•live on the 7th floor of a council high rise so don't need to build a 6 foot fence or get bamboo
•earn £21k a year and have no chance of buying a house because a mortgage in this city is way out of my league
•no car so no parking issues
•can't afford a holiday
•have a distant, but friendly enough relationship with my MIL
•sent the ds's to a local state school
•never hired a tutor
•no guest room to decorate
•drink full sugar fizzy pop and don't eat enough fruit
•can't feed my family of 3 on £30 a week •have no weddings to attend this year

Should i just fuck of dear?

Have you told anyone to go on a spa day or a lovely girl's night out ? Are you dreadfully worried about your children's names?

i had a spa party the other night. it cost me twice what it should have. does that count?

A lovely girls night out is a burger and pints down my local followed by lots of rum.

i'm more worried that they might be expecting a sunday roast instead of the hot dogs i'm planning.

It's a shame about the clown shoes

Get a cat and call him Alan Rickman. Sorted.

hmmmm. Alan rickman, i haven't thought about him in years.

Get out!

What about Fruit Shoots? And Pom Bears? And Greggs sausage rolls?

If you feed (or even better force feed) your children any of these then you definitely qualify for an AIBU Bun Fight.

They'd refuse all of those, except the sausage rolls. Although they prefer Sainsburys sausage rolls because they can get them and a bottle of water for £1.50 for lunch, saving the rest of their dinner money for a Starbucks once a week.

I'm now tempted by clown shoes.

^^God, me too. Gave up in the end. I can get 3 meals off a chicken - 2 for the family and one for the tortoises (vegetarian my arse).

Surely it depends on how big the chicken is, how you cook it and how many you're feeding and how hungry they are?

This is the MN chicken. It's special.

The MN chicken must have six legs, six wings and six breasts I reckon. I sometimes have to cook two small chickens to feed three of us as DH and DD argue about who gets the wings and legs.

OP, you haven't given us your stance on leggings with tunics?

Are they a good thing or a bad thing?

What do you have on your feet if you do wear leggings and tunic?

I have gleaned from hanging about here far too long that Farrow and Ball is a supplier of decorating materials for people who are too posh to say "paint".

I am further informed, but not from here, that some breeds of cat (think the Russian Blue is one? Oriental breeds? That nearly bald one?) are more suitable than others for people with fur allergies, due to a different density of coat. Go sniff a moggy today and see if it works, because cats are good for the soul.

Well in my case, they are a good thing in winter, with boots. Have seen people wear them with ballerina pumps or flips in the summer but I don't, usually. I think the consensious on S&B though is that they are bad.

i wish i loved like a cat

Nah theyre noisy bastards when theyre doing their love thing. Sounds painful. You dont want that.

This isn't just any chicken. This is a Feeds-8-people-10-times-over-a-month-Mumsnet-Special chicken.

Funniest thread in s while this one...

s = a , obviously.

Don't do what I did and put your lovingly home made chicken stock in the fridge without straining the bloody stuff first. Waste of time.

Why are you bored OP?

Well I laughed

I also do not belong here. A chicken makes 2 meals as long as one is a sandwich. None of this boiling bones for days malarky

I swear they must be serving one tiny slither of meat per person. Probably ration the roasties to half a tattie each.

Same with mince in a spag bol. What is the point of adding meat if each person gets two bites of it?

Two bites of red meat per person is a perfectly healthy portion and most of the world get by on a whole lot less. You don't need half a cow on your plate per sitting.

MN is like another planet to me in all honesty.

The whole class thing

the ASDA hate

the magic chicken

The growing the pan you use yourself and then only then is is cooking from scratch thing

The food obsession and forbidding things

Phoning th police if a teen walks past your garden

The hate against people parking near your house

Ignoring family and friend of they turn up without booking a slept in advance

Competing to see who sep d the less on their kids and slagging off those who dare spend more than them

The whole santa thing will give kids trust issues things

So many more , it just doesn't reflect RL

MN is like another planet to me in all honesty.

The whole class thing

the ASDA hate

the magic chicken

The growing the pan you use yourself and then only then is is cooking from scratch thing

The food obsession and forbidding things

Phoning th police if a teen walks past your garden

The hate against people parking near your house

Ignoring family and friend of they turn up without booking a slept in advance

Competing to see who sep d the less on their kids and slagging off those who dare spend more than them

The whole santa thing will give kids trust issues things

So many more , it just doesn't reflect RL