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Original poster

WWYD bridesmaid nightmare

70 replies

Jewels234 · 21/03/2015 09:52

Bit of a longy...

I am getting married in July, with 3 bridesmaids. Two are a size 8, one is a size 18. I have massively struggled to find a BM dress that they all love, but have found one (and to give all info, I am paying for the dress, plus everything else they need, plus hair on the day. I've asked nothing from my bridesmaids at all.)

The dress is by an expensive US designer, and to save on cost I bought the size 8 dresses on ebay (for roughly £120 each). For some reason, I have struggled to find the BM dress in an 18. I've been searching for months. As it's getting closer to the day I asked the size 18 BM whether she would mind the same colour/material/length dress, just in a different style. Around 3 other styles to choose from. She was really annoyed and said she wouldn't want that. Finally, the US website was having a sale, and I persuaded an American friend to buy it and send it over.

All fine, until I get it an realize the American has bought the wrong style. Completely my fault, I wasn't specific enough. It cost me £170.

So...what do I do? Either

A. Tell the bridesmaid that's what she's wearing. She will be hugely upset with me
B. Fork out for another dress (though without the sale will cost me around £250, money that I have, but would much rather spend on something else).

I've tried selling the wrong dress on ebay but no takers so far. The 18 bridesmaid is very self conscious of her size and won't want to stand out in any way.

OP posts:
Joyfulldeathsquad · 21/03/2015 10:12

You should probally let her pick the style of all the dresses so she doesn't feel out done and sulk.

DurhamDurham · 21/03/2015 10:14

Keep the size 18 dress and one of the size 8 dresses and find a new size 8 one. Everyone will look different but hopefully compliment each other.

This is why I would never be tempted to have a bridesmaid over the age of 10, they have too many hang ups and opinions once they get any older Grin

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 21/03/2015 10:14

Owl
Fuck sake. Just no.

HairyPotter · 21/03/2015 10:14

Which one wouldn't she look good in?

DaffyDuck88 · 21/03/2015 10:15

I'd definitely try and contact the makers to see if there is any chance of an exchange. You never know if you don't ask. I've done this in the past and have had some luck in getting exchanges. Also if the dresses were on sale they might still have excess stock. Definitely worth a try.
You could possibly also sell the other dress on ebay, get some of your money back that way?

Tropicalchancer · 21/03/2015 10:16

If you have the size 8 dresses can't you get one made to measure for the other girl-would be less than 250 I'd wager

francesdrake · 21/03/2015 10:17

I agree with three different dresses too - I've been the bigger bridesmaid in the past, and was very conscious of how different the chosen style looked on me in a size 14 than it did on the two size 8 girls. If you make the colour the same but the styles different, each bridesmaid has the chance to maximise her best features. I'm sure it'll sell on eBay eventually - or as a PP has said, it might be worth a super-charming call/email to the US company, to see if there's anything they can do?

You sound like a very considerate and thoughtful friend. Flowers

PiratesLifeForMe · 21/03/2015 10:19

Oh your poor bridesmaid. Forking out to stop any sulking?

I think it'd be that she'd be spending the day feeling awful in the 'fat' dress rather than sulking like a child. Hope she nevers sees this thread ??

Trills · 21/03/2015 10:20

I would be all for the "3 different dresses in the same colour", but that's no good if the accidental dress that came over from the US won't suit her.

cleanmyhouse · 21/03/2015 10:20

I'd be inclined to try contacting the US company and explaining your quandry, they might try to help out and let you swap the dress and pay the difference. It's worth a try surely?

cleanmyhouse · 21/03/2015 10:22

Owl. No. No. NO!

formerbabe · 21/03/2015 10:23

Does she have a medical issue? Just wondering why she can't loose some weight in the next 4 months if she is so self conscious about being larger on the day

Irrelevant

LooseAtTheSeams · 21/03/2015 10:23

Three different styles in coordinating colours would look better than making women of different sizes wear the same style dress. I think the main thing is either to have all three different or all three the same. You have time and it is possible to resell dresses so overall you won't lose much money and you'll avoid upsetting your friend.
But do at least phone the American company. I think they will be sympathetic and may know exactly where you can get the dress you want, saving a lot of hassle!

Maliceaforethought · 21/03/2015 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 21/03/2015 10:26

Being a bridesmaid is not an honour for her but an honour for you that she wants to do it and support you.

She would be well within her rights to withdraw if you insisted on the outfit she doesn't want to wear. You agreed the style of dress and to come back to her and say 'sorry but you are wearing this one while the other two get to wear what they were happy with' - well how would you feel?

MrsCosmopilite · 21/03/2015 10:26

I agree that you should try contacting the maker in the US and explaining what has happened. They may be able to do an exchange, or send you the correct dress.

If the BMs wont' want their dresses after the wedding then you can sell them all (including the 'wrong' one) afterwards and recoup some of your money. You could try local buying/selling pages on FB as well as ebay?

diddl · 21/03/2015 10:28

Perhaps consider that you were fortunate to get the size 8s from ebay.

Sad that your friend ordered the wrong style for the size 18, but the size 8s have got the dress that they want so I think that you just have to bite the bullet & order the dress that this BM wants.

Surely you can send the wrong one back & get a refund, especially if reordering?

PtolemysNeedle · 21/03/2015 10:28

You need to fork out for the new dress that your BM will be happy in.

I understand how you feel, one of my BMs was a large size and it did make buying her dress difficult for various reasons, but I knew that was likely to be a problem when I asked her to be BM, so it was my responsibility to suck it up and make it as easy and pleasant as possible for her.

PunkAssMoFo · 21/03/2015 10:28

Get one of the size 8 dressed altered into a different style. Cheapest option & leads to each bm in a diff dress.

Original poster
Jewels234 · 21/03/2015 10:32

No medical issues. Just one of those people who has been naturally slim her whole life, so hasn't really tried with diet and exercise and it's caught up on her.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 21/03/2015 10:35

that's the size she is. You choose your BMs because they are friends you want with you on your wedding day. How they look is irrelevant, although it is considerate not to dress them like a badly-wrapped bundle of fabric.

I agree - dresses similar enough that they look like a group, but not identical.

Floggingmolly · 21/03/2015 10:36

I don't see why the notion of losing weight has been jumped on... Fine to be size 20 if you're happy with no hang ups about it.

But if she's likely to spend the day "feeling awful" because she looks radically different to the two size 8 girls (and she will, no matter what they're wearing) then the answer's in her own hands, surely?
Up to her; feel awful / do something about it / own her size and feel fabulous anyway.

spoonjarjarspoonjar · 21/03/2015 10:45

I think unfortunately OP if you want to be a good friend to your bridesmaid you have to buy her the same dress. It's not worth upsetting or losing a friend over and you'll feel better for doing it even if it does make your purse a bit lighter. You might also be able to sell the 'wrong' dress on so it won't be a total loss.

It's interesting to read the perspectives of other larger women here. I'm a larger women and personally I'd rather have a dress that suited me then a 'thin' dress.

However OP, your friend doesn't see it that way.

Does anyone else think we'd all be happier if we just scrapped the institution of bridesmaids? It seems to cause so much unhappiness all round!

Trills · 21/03/2015 10:48

This bridesmaid trying to lose weight between now and the wedding will actually cause MORE hassle for the OP, not less.

If she stays the same size, at least a dress can be bought that will definitely fit her on the day.

OwlBeRightThere · 21/03/2015 10:48

I think it IS relevant.

I'm a size 18, if I was asked to be bridesmaid I'd accept that a dress has to be chosen to suit all bridesmaids and if I felt that uncomfortable I would either loose weight or say I would buy my own dress. I certainly would not expect the bride to fork out extra cash and time to pander to my insecurities!

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