To think this isn't acceptable?

[lavenderjam]

I have namechanged as am quite upset about this and it is work-related. I hope someone can help.

A lot of my work is based in people's homes. One client has taken a real dislike to me. They are abusive and aggressive in a sort of non-verbal way (slamming doors, muttering 'fucks sake') and because we have to go late at night they have been drinking.

I have twice raised this with my bosses but nothing much has happened.

I know it doesn't sound like much but it's absolutely horrible when you're in someone else's house. I have said calmly 'that's not acceptable, I'm not here to be abused, I'm here to do my job.' But it's awful having to stand there.

I just wondered if anybody had any suggestions as to how I can raise this with my bosses on Monday? It's just I don't want to NOT go as this would mean taking me off that shift which apart from this one person is the most suitable one for me.

Surely your role has some policy in place to deal with abusive people, that doesn't include being removed from the shift? I am assuming you are a carer? Difficult to judge, as we don't know the job or the reason you are going. Which I understand you don't want to share.

Is it the kind of job where you are expected to deal with difficult situations? Was this possibility explained to you? My dad for example works with people with this all day. Which was explained to him before he took the role on.

Your emploers should operate a lone worker policy specifically designed for individuals in others' homes.
This will focus on procedures to keep you safe.
Have you seen the LWP?

I'm not on my own - there is someone else with me but frequently younger and less experienced than I am. Plus, it's me he's taken a dislike to - I don't know why, honestly! Everyone else seems to think I am quite nice

The problem is, we don't go to see this man - he is a relative of the person we are caring for so although he is always there because he lives there, it's not actually him on the shift, if that makes sense. It would obviously be completely different if someone was lashing out through pain or confusion or frustration, I don't really mind that as it isn't personal and I understand it. But with him it's different.

Surely your employer had a responsibility to protect you and not remove you from your shift, because a relative is being abusive?

I think your employers need to talk to him. There may be something he is upset about his relatives care that could be dealt with if discussed. If it is simply personal dislike then maybe he needs to request a different carer. He should nt't however be rude and unpleasant to you in this way. I would say as someone who has to have carers at home to help with a disabled child that it is v hard to have someone in your home that either grates on you, is intrusive or simply loud. I suppose what I am saying is maybe think about whether your personality or style is possibly what is annoying this man.

Most organisations have a policy about declining service to abusive customers, even NHS can do this. Are you sure yours doesn't have a policy? Do you think he's dangerous or just horrible verbally?

Cansu, I'm afraid the issue isn't my loudness (I'm not loud at all, in fact) - the issue is something I can do nothing about so since I can't change it, well.

Requesting a different carer is tricky as it would mean me having to pick up a different shift which is way over the other side of town. Plus there are 12 other people on that shift who really like and trust me - why should they have to get used to someone else because of one person?

I don't want to sound defensive but I'm already feeling sick at the thought of tonight and I'm sorry if having someone who 'grates' on you is 'hard" but actually it's quite hard for me as well being verbally abused by someone as well as the things we expect like being covered in poo! All for less than £2, so it's not exactly for the financial reward!

Ragged, the problem is when the office talk to him it's obviously during the day when he's a bit more reasonable, by the time we go it's gone 11 and he's had a lot to drink.

I can't understand why you are still expected to go there, your employer has a duty of care towards your wellbeing and being around a person who is drunk and abusive cannot be within your remit. There must be some protection!

I would never allow our cleaners to service any home where a client had upset them, it hasn't ever happened but I already have policy in place for this, your employers are responsible for your welfare at work, you are forced to be on other people's premises as is the nature of your job and it shouldn't be allowed for you to be abused or made uncomfortable during your time working there!

What is the policy for working in other people's houses with abusive relatives then? You need to report it as a H&S issue, and ask them what they are going to do to protect you.

I agree with you, but the unfortunate fact is that they do and so I just wondered if somebody had any ideas about whether I could insist something could be done. I've tried just raising it nicely but just get a feeble 'we will talk to him' which seems to be making the situation worse.

I don't think we have one alternative. A lot of the abuse is non verbal like door slamming and huffing and muttering 'fucks sake'. Hard to convey just how unpleasant it is being in that atmosphere.

You should report it to employers and or social services. I did a stint as a volunteer which involved going to peoples houses and if there was a person who was abusing alcohol they were very careful with sending people to the house as you could be vulnerable to more than verbal abuse. It is not you that is the problem here it is him, and he is risking the care you give to his relative.

Do you have concerns about the safety etc of the person you are caring for? You need to talk to your manager re this man and the fact that he has been drinking. Maybe going earlier would be better.

Stop being so nice about it.

They are the ones taking the money and sending you into a position where you are being verbally abused - they need to take action to address it. One of those actions should be pulling you out and putting someone else in.

They are being paid to provide a service, and have a duty of care to you. They are taking a wage which I am guessing is more than £2. So they need to earn it by getting off their backsides and dealing with it in a managerial manner.

Everyone has the right to a comfortable working environment. Yes in some instances where you work with people who have issue you accept there maybe problems but this man is not the patient therefore he should be subject to the rules of a safe working environment for staff.

I think you need to be more direct with your manager. Ask for a meeting with your manager and this family member. You need to get to the bottom of his dislike for you and he and your boss need to understand the impact his behaviour is having on you. Sadly it may transpire that there is no other choice than for you to change shift but you deserve the right to be heard and taken seriously.

I definitely don't want a meeting with the family member. I really don't think that's how things are done anyway.

I do have concerns about the lady's well being and have raised them before as a safeguarding act but nothing can be done.

We can't go earlier: he won't permit people in before 11.

But unless you meet with the family member and your manager this situation will not be resolved. How would you like it to be fixed?

Flossy, I'm afraid with respect that isn't how it's done in the company. I have certainly never heard of a family member and a carer having to meet together - to be honest the idea of it is turning my blood cold! How awful to be in the same room as someone who obviously hates you. Last night he was repeatedly shouting 'you're crap at your job, you're crap at your job' at me - why should I have to listen to that?

In all honesty I think it should be resolved by removing the package: this has happened before with clients who have been less 'difficult' but for whatever reason isn't happening here, however clearly that isn't my call to make.

Then your company really does need to review it's policies. I worked for a very large care provider in a management role and there were instances where staff and clients/family members didn't get on. The first thing we I did was investigate and then mediate. It didn't always work and the staff were changed. On the rare occasion where no staff member was able to work with the client then the package was terminated but this was a last resort because at the end of the day a care providers first responsibility is to the client and if only 1 staff member was the problem then that staff member was changed. It may not seem fair but the client and the package come first.

I recognise that flossy but he is generally difficult although he does seem to have taken a specific dislike to me. There is absolutely no way I would agree to a meeting with him and my manager - sorry, I would leave if that was insisted upon.

All I want is for him to be told not to be aggressive in words or actions. I should NOT have to put up with the situation I outlined above. Nor should I have to go on a shift way over on the other side of town because of one person - which is what changing the carer would involve?

Ask for a full risk assessment in writing. Submit a report in writing requesting action ever single time he's abusive, reporting it in writing every time as a safeguarding issue. Copy in a senior manager.
Consult your union if you have one.

Sorry if I'm misreading this here OP but is the issue maybe a racial one? You say he's annoyed about something you can do nothing about which is what made me wonder.
I hope you are documenting these events on a daily basis - do you keep a diary? If it ever escalated that might be necessary. I feel for you - nobody should have to work like this.

Of course you shouldn't have to put up with that however I think you need to act like an adult and work through this in an adult way.

You say you won't meet with him and your manager to try and solve this yet you are still going to this mans house to care for his relative and being treated in an aggressive manner??? This is confusing to me. It is like you have no interest in resolving the issues and simply want you company to get rid.

This is a worry for the person you are caring for. If he's there shouting at you at past 11 at night, god knows what he's doing to the person who needs help. I would raise it again as a serious concern for the client themselves and also yourself. Make sure you state how serious your concern is and that you are feeling threatened by him. That is what you are explaining, although you having said it as straight as that. He is verbally abusive and slamming doors and that is physically threatening. Especially as he is a drinker. Raise it again, but this time make sure they hear you say how you feel threatened by him and that it is also a safeguarding concern for the client themselves.

And don't attempt a talk with him. I agree, why should you? He needs to explain himself to the company. It really has nothing to do with you, other than you are there and he has chosen you as a scapegoat out of all the carers.