To think this isn't acceptable?

[lavenderjam]

I have namechanged as am quite upset about this and it is work-related. I hope someone can help.

A lot of my work is based in people's homes. One client has taken a real dislike to me. They are abusive and aggressive in a sort of non-verbal way (slamming doors, muttering 'fucks sake') and because we have to go late at night they have been drinking.

I have twice raised this with my bosses but nothing much has happened.

I know it doesn't sound like much but it's absolutely horrible when you're in someone else's house. I have said calmly 'that's not acceptable, I'm not here to be abused, I'm here to do my job.' But it's awful having to stand there.

I just wondered if anybody had any suggestions as to how I can raise this with my bosses on Monday? It's just I don't want to NOT go as this would mean taking me off that shift which apart from this one person is the most suitable one for me.

I'm not sure how door slamming muttering and saying ffs is abusive although I can imagine it feels very uncomfortable. Is he saying anything to you directly or giving you a cause to think you are at risk?

You've tried the nice approach - now you need to stand up for yourself more. you need -imo - to tell your manager that the situation is not improving in fact he is insulting and intimidating you. The abuser ideally should be told that if he continues to behave in this way the care may be withdrawn. Perhaps the manager could come to an agreement that whilst you are there in the house he simply does not come into contact with you.

It sounds like management aren't addressing the situation seriously. maybe you've been too nice and you need to be more assertive. check your companies policies and procedures and perhaps some health and safety legislation online. I am not in the UK so would be unsure which legislation would be relavent. Then perhaps get tough with management - tell them you are entitled to a safe work place and they are failing to provide it. maybe that would work.

I visit people in their homes, although in a slightly different role and I can understand how awful this is for you. I echo the other posters - insist that your employers do something about this. You will have a lone worker policy, it is absolutely not on to be abused like this. Request a meeting with your manager, today if possible. Insist. Look at your policies and procedures first. I think that people who do not do this sort of job cannot understand how vulnerable you feel being in this position. Is it a racial issue do you think? If you think so, definitely tell your manager. Please let us know how you get on. X

Thank you.

I don't instigate conversation but occasionally we/I need to say something if only along the lines of excuse me, where are XYZ, etc.

Flossy, I don't think it is not behaving like an adult to not wish to spend additional time with someone who frightens you and intimidates you. I do think the company needs to lose the package - as I have said, others have gone over far less but the point is that isn't my call to make. I really don't think you have any understanding of this situation and your posts are upsetting to read.

Ashtray, it's intimidating. Try it sometime.

Ilovesooty thank you. I will make a formal note of yesterday and last weeks incidents.

The issue isn't quite racial but along those lines (accent related.)

Flossy, I don't think it is not behaving like an adult to not wish to spend additional time with someone who frightens you and intimidates you. I do think the company needs to lose the package

But the bit I find confusing is that you are still going in to this mans home and subjecting yourself to abuse yet you won't meet with him and your manager to either try and resolve the issue or at least allow your manage to see how abusive and nasty towards you he is. By asking for a meeting you are in the least showing a willingness to work through the issues professionally and then you can turn around to your company and say look I tried but this man is never going to be civil towards me and it is not fair that I should be penalised when I have tried to form a professional working relationship. Simply demanding they end the package will not work and you will either find you are moved or you will leave as you stated earlier.

I can offer no advice at all Lavender I just wanted to say you absolutely have every right not to be verbally abused by anyone, and ignore those that are making excuses for the man.

I go to his home because it's my job. If you work in this line of work, you surely recognise that on a shift or a run we don't have one person but several. This particular 'run' consists of 13 people, 12 of whom I like very much and this is reciprocated.

This lady, who is the last one, is lovely and I want to care for her which is why I go to her home: it is my job. I can't do 12 people and refuse to do no13 - that isn't how it works.

I could, possibly, refuse to go to this house. However, it wouldn't be a case of 'do people 1-12 then no13 will have to sort herself out.' No13 still needs a carer so what would happen would I would end up with an entirely different shift or run - way over the other side of town which is about 30 minutes away from my home. I'm sure you understand I do a lot of driving as it is and really don't want to add to this.

I am not 'demanding' anything - you asked a question and I answered.

I do not wish to sit in a room, even with my manager, with somebody who I dislike, who I am intimidated and frightened of, and who has proven to take it out on me when I have raised concerns before. You must understand that furthermore this would necessitate taking time out of an already extremely busy day which would also be unpaid. That is a small issue really if I believed a meeting was the way forward but I do not believe it is and besides it is not the way things are done in our company - your company may have a different policy entirely of course, but as a mere part time carer I cannot insist they change their policies because of someone on Mumsnet.

and ignore those that are making excuses for the man.

Was that aimed at me?

I have not made any excuses for the man and I have agreed that the OP should be able to do her job without being abused but at the same time she has to follow the correct channels within her company to raise the concerns, attempt to solve the issue professionally and leave her company in no doubt that they should for the welfare of staff end the package. Simply stamping your feet and demanding will not work as the companies primary focus is always the client. I am not saying thats fair but that is how care companies work.

Thank you, LastNight. It's extremely uncomfortable and intimidating.

So you continue as you are OP.

You can continue you to raise concerns, you can complain to the local safeguarding team and CQC or you can leave. They are your options. Not great but that is where you are I am afraid nobody on here has a magic wand which will make your company end the contract and frankly unless you are willing to follow the proper channels your company will not end the contract because as you say it is only directed at you so they will in all likelihood just remove you and not the package. It is shit but that is what you are faced with.

Flossy - frankly - how rude to accuse me of 'stamping my feet' not to mention completely lacking accuracy and relevance.

I am not stamping my feet: you asked a question and I answered calmly. I did not, at any point, claim I would 'stamp my feet' until this happened: I indicated that is what I, personally, believe would be the correct course of action.

I have been perfectly calm, perfectly polite and perfectly professional - for around. £1.73 I might add - both on here and when in the situation.

For £1.73 last night I was told I was crap at my job. I was sworn at. I was cleaning up poo until 11:15 and I was punched (by the lady - not her fault but it does show what we have to put up with.) Most relatives would have said thank you: I can live without a thank you but verbal abuse is different, it makes you feel cold and like you're worth nothing. Mind you, perhaps we aren't for £1.73!

I came home and cried. I was up at 6:45 already worrying about tonight and I posted on here for advice and you accuse me of being unprofessional because I will not take your advice? Words fail me.

Flossy you aren't understanding at all, are you?

You asked me - 'So what do you think should happen?

I answered: this does NOT mean I think it will or that I will 'tantrum' until it does. I mistakenly thought it was a general sort of question, I didn't realise I was being led down the road of i will now respond as if you are insisting upon this and behaving like a 12 year old until it happens.

Obviously, it is a difficult job and we have difficult situations from time to time but this is something else.

Are you in a union OP? It sounds like something a union rep could help you with. If you aren't it would be worth joining one and having someone on your side when you speak to your manager.

Yes, it's possibly something I could look into. It's the fees that are off-putting: we don't earn much! I'll have a search though.

lavendar don't worry about people who don't understand the specifics of your situation. yanbu. there's been some good advice on here about raising it with your management and keeping diaries etc. Take care and I hope it resolves well.

Lavenderjam - is there any chance that your manager would come out with you on some of the visits? Not in a 'here's my manager come to observe' way, but as the colleague who accompanies you - if you see what I mean?

Maybe if your manager sees firsthand the behaviour that you are - quite rightly - objecting to, they will take some more decisive action to sort this out for you?

I've just had a quick Google and Unison looks like the most suitable for your job - the membership starts at £1.30 a month www.unison.org.uk/for-members/

There may be others that cover care workers too, and I think a lot of unions have a sliding scale of payments depending on your income.

Hope you can find someone who can help you, it sounds like an awful situation!

I really can't see how you can resolve this without some kind of dialogue or meeting with this person. I assume that someone is paying for this care. I would imagine that the person being cared for wants it resolved as well. If this person has mental health problems that means they cannot cope with your presence then other carers will have to do this particular job. You also keep talking about 1.73. What is your hourly rate?

My hourly rate is £6.90

There are no mental health problems I am aware of.

The care is paid for and provided by the council.

I have, after some thought, emailed my notice in. I simply cannot cope with that. It has really shaken me. So the situation is resolved, though perhaps not happily.

Trust me, a meeting with this person would achieve nothing. Would you want to meet with someone who verbally abused you?

I am sorry that you feel that you have had to give your notice but I am with FLOSSIE on this.
You have to work with your manager and your client to resolve this issue.
There are procedures that have to be followed for the protection of everyone.
Are you typing your hourly rate correctly?

I have been brushed off by my manager. The client - the lady we are there to care for - is severely disabled and unable to communicate in a manner that could be comprehended. Her relative is the one causing the issue and it is not procedure for us to have meetings with problem-causing relatives. Of course, this may be different for other care companies but that doesn't change the fact it isn't how things work here.

A warning along the lines of 'do not speak to our carers like that' would suffice without a meeting, surely? But in any case this is hypothetical.

Yes, I am typing my hourly rate correctly.

Lavender, so sorry it has come to this. I'm afraid that unless anyone has done this job then most just will not get this situation at all, even the office staff who may deal with the clients over the phone.

I have been in this situation many years ago, however it was the client who was abusive. The only way it got resolved was staff going into him with a supervisor and the staff were swopped weekly. This did not stop the abuse however we were able to cope with it for a week then a big break from him. He could not be cancelled as we were not agency and we had to offer duty of care.

Good luck with finding something else, your management sounds appalling. x

Lavender, do you think there may be some kind of elder abuse going on here? The relative has made access difficult and unpleasant, are they trying to hide something?

Well that does alter things if your manager has not taken your complaint seriously.
It is awful to not have the support of your line manager and I appreciate that rules are there but not always followed and that can make you feel isolated.
I didn't see that you had approached your manager.I apologise.

Now that you have given in your notice I would make a report to Social Services re concerns for the welfare of the lady. They need to reassesss the situation.