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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is there anyone else out there who has just found out they are expecting their third DS and coping with OTHER PEOPLE'S OBVIOUS disappointment?

75 replies

spad · 20/03/2015 20:24

I am delighted to be expecting our third DS. We have two utterly delightful boys and I am very lucky to be pregnant again with another healthy baby. We found out that it is a boy and today I started telling people.

Perhaps it is because we have had our family in quite a short space of time, our oldest is only 2, or perhaps I am full of hormones but the obvious disappointment that other people experience supposedly on our behalf has really brought me down.

If I wasn't so upset in other people's lack of excitement I would be angry.

Anyone else out there experiencing something similar?

AIBU to feel disappointed in the reaction of others?

OP posts:

UpSeeDaisies · 20/03/2015 20:53

I am expecting dc3 and with 2 boys already this is exactly why I'm not finding out the sex! I had enough silly comments when I told people my hunch was that ds2 was a boy and that drove me mad. This way I figure that people will at least keep their silly comments to themselves when the baby is here. And for the record I would be as delighted with a 3rd DS as a DD - having recently had a big scare all I care is that it's healthy. And if I have another ds that is half as perfect as the two boys I have already then I will be one very lucky lady

DianeLockhart · 20/03/2015 20:54

my friend has threes boys all very close in age. they are fab boys and she has no issue whatsoever with their gender but did receive some commiserations from people. Bloody rude!

Congrats op.

GreenShadow · 20/03/2015 20:55

To be honest I think this is quite a natural reaction, albeit one that people should learn to control.

I remember that when I was a child, my brother's best friend was one of 3 boys and I remember feeling so sorry for their poor mother living with all those males.

But, I am now the proud mother of 3 boys and it seems the most natural thing in the world. We didn't go for the third baby hoping it would be a girl, as after 2 boys, it seemed much more likely that we would go on to have another. I've never really missed having a girl (OK, maybe occasionally) but it certainly doesn't seem as strange as I once thought it must be for my brother's friends mum.

Elllimam · 20/03/2015 20:56

Congratulations :) we have two boys under 2 and I would love a third :)

BitOutOfPractice · 20/03/2015 20:58

Congratulations OP! How wonderful!

If it's any consolation for people's rudeness at all, it works both ways - I have two DDs and lots of people including FiL expressed their disappointmenton my behalf on not having the "perfect" ie one of each, family.

hauntedhenry · 20/03/2015 20:59

Yanbu, it's really annoying. When I was expecting DS 2 a friend of MILs who I had never met said 'Oh no, never mind.' When I was pregnant with DD loads of people congratulated me for finally 'getting my girl'.

Maiyakat · 20/03/2015 21:00

A friend recently announced her 3rd pregnancy on Facebook by posting a photo of her 2 DSs holding up the scan photo. Someone commented 'Let's hope it's a girl!' Some people are idiots!

DefiniteMaybe · 20/03/2015 21:00

I think some people are just wankers. When I was pregnant with dc3 some people were baffled that I was having another baby because I already had one of each.

MehsMum · 20/03/2015 21:07

I was feeding DC3 in cafe and overseeing DD1 and DD2 at the same time. A woman at a nearby table said amiably, 'Ah, two little girls, lovely, aren't they good? And what the little bundle?'
'Girl,' I said, happily (I was truly thrilled to have her).
'Oh dear,' said the woman. 'What a shame.'

Come the fourth pregnancy, DH was asked more times than he could count if he was 'hoping for a boy this time?'
No, he wasn't. He just wanted another healthy baby, thanks.

Enjoy your boys, OP. Before you know it, you'll have a houseful of teenagers!

Original poster

spad · 20/03/2015 22:20

Has anyone thought of an appropriate, but not too cheeky, response?

I would love to say something better than 'what? disappointed in my baby???'

OP posts:

HiImBarryScott · 20/03/2015 22:28

YANBU. I was delighted when all 3 of my DSs were born but the worst was people asking me if I would "go for another one to try to get a girl". Well, no. I wanted 3 CHILDREN - I didn't care what sex they were. I actually wouldn't have tried to have a 3rd child if I wanted a specific sex of child.

And actually, if number 4 did make an unexpected appearance I would love it if it was a boy as well.

Charlotte3333 · 20/03/2015 22:30

Huge, huge congratulations, it's lovely that your boys are all going to be so close in age. I have two boys 5 years apart and they are absolute dreams. I wouldn't change them at all and find it incredibly hurtful when people asked "are you disappointed DS2 wasn't a girl?". No, actually, I thrilled that my body did something amazing and provided me with a healthy baby. Anything above and beyond that is an unreasonable demand.

We get asked all the time "are you going to try for a girl?". I always say "no, actually, I'm going to try for a lemur next". It's so, so rude, almost as though another boy isn't as valued as much as a girl would be. Ridiculous. This isn't the dark ages, no gender takes precedent, no gender is preferable. Nor should it be.

As an aside, I wouldn't have the first clue what to do with a girl. A friend recently had one and knackered her back, we went to visit and I offered to change her bottom when she pooped, I was like "whaaaaaaaaat is this unholy situation" when the nappy came off. Plus DH would crap himself if we had a girl; he's very at-home with boys; he takes them to rugby and is very outdoorsy. Any girl in this house would end up being as rough and tumble as the boys.

Charlotte3333 · 20/03/2015 22:33

HiImBarryScott I want three. So far we've got two boys and we're just beginning trying for number three. I don't care what it is, I'd just be thrilled to have another. I love the thought of having another regardless of gender, it'd be a privilege and an honour to raise three young men.

Original poster

spad · 20/03/2015 22:35

I agree!!! It is just really annoying not being able to respond without sounding twice as rude as the people who are commenting!

OP posts:

RandomMess · 20/03/2015 22:38

"I'm really disappointed, I was hoping for a puppy this time"

I have 4 dds and often point out that they are all very different and it's not like have 4 dc the same even if they do happen to be the same gender. It was only by the time I was pregnant with my 4th that I wouldn't have been upset to have a boy.

hairylittlegoblin · 20/03/2015 22:40

I would presume anyone who made such a stupid comment had never had a son themselves. Boys are fantastic.

We have one of each and got he same comments as Rocket as if kids were flavours of ice cream that you were making into a sundae

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 20/03/2015 23:01

I have a friend with six girls, four of them were one every 18 months ... imagine the stupid comments she got sometimes from her own PiL.

CunningCat · 20/03/2015 23:07

When pregnant with my twins a work colleague asked if I knew the sex, I replied both were girls, colleague goes what a shame one isn't a boy, your poor partner not having a son!
I wanted to smack her one!
In Asian cultures boys are idolised and girls very much second rate.

123upthere · 20/03/2015 23:12

It's rude. Ear blocking required from now on OP. A female fifty something neighbour said to me this week 'how many kids do you ACTUALLY have?' (I have 3 littlies)
People need to think before speaking to tired exhausted mums

Floppypotato · 20/03/2015 23:12

Funnily enough I had a convo today with my own DM about this very attitude. I'm expecting our DC1 (sex unknown) and obv receiving plenty of "what are you having/hoping for?" Questions.

My DM said to me she remembers being totally taken aback and baffled whn she was expecting my brother. I'm DD1, my sister DD2 and then she had my brother. Apparently LOTS of people said "oooh are youo hoping for a boy then?" When she was expecting and then once he appeared, and indeed, was a boy "oh I bet you'll stop now you've got your boy" DM was horrified back then and said she couldn't believe it. They just wanted a third child. End of.

Congratulations OP

Phephenson · 20/03/2015 23:13

If your perception of their reaction is correct then they are bloody rude and YANBU.

You can't control other people's feelings, it's only how they think they would feel in the same situation as you are in, pity for them really - I would be overjoyed, regardless of sex - as you clearly are xx

SlinkyB · 20/03/2015 23:17

I have to say though, I think sometimes people just say things for the sake of it, and that perhaps they assume you'd like a mix of genders in your kids. You know, not that girls are better than boys (or vice versa), just different.

I hate all the stereotypes that are trotted out when you have all of one sex. Like what's between their legs has anything to do with their energy levels, personality, intelligence or propensity to cuddle

Yoruba · 20/03/2015 23:19

Huge congratulations op

You must be so excited!!

I'd just smile and nod blandly and change the subject. I find making a snarky comment upsets me anyway and takes the shine off.

lightgreenglass · 20/03/2015 23:29

I'm expecting another boy and I get this all the time - they find out the sex then it's 'so you'll be having a 3rd then?' like the one I am having now isn't good enough. fucks me right off. I refuse to get into the whole boys are better than girls bollocks so my tactic is to give them daggers. I always planned on having 3 and already dreading on people asking me the sex of the next one.

zipzap · 20/03/2015 23:30

how about saying something ridiculous - like 'actually we are. We were hoping for a kitten or a puppy

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