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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This isn't sexist at all.

999 replies

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 20/03/2015 17:55

In my DH works on night shifts each of the wives/partners cook for all the men on shift.

I'm happy with it and so are all the other women, we have been doing this for years. It means they all get a hot home made meal.

The 1 partner of a new man who has started has pulled a strop and said it sexiest and very 1950.

The reason we all enjoy cooking them as we can step away from cooking 'kids' meals and kick up the heat on curries and jerk chicken ect.
While I accept that children do eat these kind of meals within our friendship group all these are always done mild.

IABU to think it is not sexiest.

In able to do this many years ago with the Christmas bonus they brought a George foreman, slow cooker, pressure cooker and a rice cooker. Due to H&S the only thing they haven't got is a deep fat fryer. But all the others have been PACT tested.

OP posts:
OrlandoWoolf · 22/03/2015 18:00

Are all the blokes married?

What does the single / separated bloke do?

Because if he can cook a meal for 20, then why can't the others?

AlternativeTentacles · 22/03/2015 18:02

Annie - some people just don't understand the simplest of things.

Like why the behaviour that led to this thread IS sexist. Some people really do just take everything at face value.

Like is is a coincidence that all 20 women waft about just loving cooking their men and their colleagues spicy food as it is such a drag just cooking chicken nuggets usually don't you know.

Anniegetyourgun · 22/03/2015 18:03

Apparently he cheats by grilling and/or frying. Obviously this is not sustainable in the long term. (

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/03/2015 18:04

orlando. The single guy does a fry up.
Maybe he would like to do a bbq. But not allowed the bbq indoors?

Anniegetyourgun · 22/03/2015 18:07

Just imagine all the time, expense and angst that would have been saved if only the company had sprung for the cost of a second microwave. But then we wouldn't have been having this conversation today, which would be a shame, don't you think?

OrlandoWoolf · 22/03/2015 18:10

20 people.
Take away every night.

I bet they could negotiate a decent discount with local suppliers.

Can man survive off takeaway alone?

Enormouse · 22/03/2015 18:10

Behold. I found this and wanted to share Grin.

(I think that's Nick clegg in there)

This isn't sexist at all.
KatieKaye · 22/03/2015 18:16

I suspect the women would be cajoled into preparing a weeks worth of microwaveable meals, Annie.

Original poster
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 22/03/2015 18:20

I think I have explained to the best I can.

OP posts:
bumbleymummy · 22/03/2015 18:22

Alternative. I understand what both are thanks. :)

So what do you think about a SAHM arrangement? Sexist or not? (Or are you going to keep dodging that question?)

Annie, no it wasn't obvious. It looked like you thought someone was suggesting cooking for large numbers of people was only easy for women. When I asked you who was saying that you replied that you were. If you were just trying to be 'funny' by saying that you were the one who had written what I quoted then it fell a bit flat from my point of view. I was asking you a genuine question.

OrlandoWoolf · 22/03/2015 18:25

SAHM is fine. If it's what the mum wants. Not if it what the husband expects. If he expects a mum to stay at home and run the house whilst he makes his career flourish, that is sexist.

If it's mutual, fine. If the OH does not say things like "it's my money, not yours", that's fine.

SAHM should be a mutual decision. Made by both the mum and the dad.

And if the couple should separate, there should be recognitiion of the sacrifice made by the mum.

This is not about SAHM though. It's about expectations.

Anniegetyourgun · 22/03/2015 18:28

Not cajoled, Kaye. They would volunteer.

Why am I inexorably reminded (again) of the old music hall number:

I wake him every morning when the clock strikes eight
I'm always punctual, never, never late
With a nice cup of tea and a little round of toast
The Sporting Life and the Winning Post
I make him nice and cosy, then I toddle off to work
I do the best I can
For I'm only doing what a woman should do
‘Cos he's only a working man

bumbleymummy · 22/03/2015 18:33

Well yes orlando, I've pointed out a few times what my views on the 'expectations' were on this thread. I have just disagreed with people who have suggested that the 'women cooking for men arrangement' is automatically sexist. I'm interested in what Alternative's views are on a SAHM arrangement because it too could be described as '1950s housewife' type work.

Boofy27 · 22/03/2015 18:38

You're quite right bumble, 'women cooking for men' isn't inherently sexist. However, the assumption that women will cook for men is sexist.

AlternativeTentacles · 22/03/2015 18:39

So what do you think about a SAHM arrangement? Sexist or not? (Or are you going to keep dodging that question?)

I couldn't give a monkey's about SAHM arrangements. I wouldn't do it myself. My best friend works whilst her husband stays at home. Another is at home because she was made redundant. Another would love to be a SAHM. I would love to retire and be at home full time looking after...nobody.

If all women in a 'group' were all expected to be SAHMs then that would be sexist. Of course it would.

Why are you asking me about SAHM arrangements? This thread is about the expectations of a whole group of women to make their men and their men's colleagues food as a matter of course.

Christinayang1 · 22/03/2015 18:39

Buzz

Are you stirring the curry again with your penis...I do believe you have been warned about this before....

Boofy27 · 22/03/2015 18:40

Piper, kudos on accepting that you had been unreasonable. Not many people are big enough to do that.

Anniegetyourgun · 22/03/2015 18:42

In the context of the current discussion we don't even know whether the reluctant cook was a SAHM or not. Maybe she earns more than her husband. Maybe she works longer hours or does night shifts herself. Or maybe she has a physical condition that makes it difficult to lift very large hot pans. The only thing we do know is that she is a dab hand at the robust text Grin

SAHP status (we do all acknowledge that a man can be the SAHP, I take it?) is also irrelevant to who cooks. There is a not unreasonable expectation that the person at home is in a better situation to do a larger share of domestic chores by simple virtue of being on the spot while the other one is out of the house, but that doesn't mean it is, or should be, necessarily their job to cook dinner. That's between the couple to sort out depending on their talents and preferences and a fair division of work/leisure time. Is that radical? I wouldn't have thought so, not in this century and this hemisphere at least.

JillyR2015 · 22/03/2015 18:44

It might be hard. I earned 10x my other half and would be likely working (lawyer) and don't cook except for me so why would I if I were one of these wives be doing that cooking? It would be a loss of a log of money if I were to do it and I bet they wouldn't be compensating me at £240 an hour to do their domestic dross work!

It reminds me of about 18 months ago when I had a small building put up on my Pacific island (Panama). My boatman took a team of 7 men out there and they also took a woman for the week so she could cook for them! (I remember thinking but did not say haven't the men got arms? Can't they cook? In the real world circa 2015 women often earn 10 times what their men do and buy islands. Not all women are at home cooking and serving men in return for their bed and board.

AlternativeTentacles · 22/03/2015 18:45

Maybe she just thinks it's sexist!

ilovesooty · 22/03/2015 18:45

I still want to know why the OP's husband thought it was appropriate to give his phone to the OP to initiate thus pressure on the new wife to conform. It doesn't demonstrate anything very positive about him in my eyes.

Anniegetyourgun · 22/03/2015 18:46

Ah Jilly, channeling the fond memory of Xenia I see!

ilovesooty · 22/03/2015 18:46

And whether there has been any reply to the follow up text, presumably also delivered between the men's phones.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 22/03/2015 18:51

Couldn't the blokes sort it oily between themselves? At work or after.
Mate 1: do you want to join the cooking rota?
Mate 2: yes, that'd be grand.
Mate 1:

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 22/03/2015 18:51

Oily - out
Chips in - chip in