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Original poster

This is an absolute disgrace.

77 replies

TwinkieTwinkle · 20/03/2015 13:07

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/11485027/Lecturer-wins-40k-damages-after-wife-deceives-him-into-thinking-child-is-his.html

Has IVF with an ex boyfriend and doesn't tell husband he isn't that father. He has been awarded £40 000 back, only half the money he paid towards the child. Absolutely disgraceful!

OP posts:
dollius · 20/03/2015 14:08

I think they are equally in the wrong.

Number3cometome · 20/03/2015 14:09

Ok a few facts here (from the BEEB)

The woman and husband went to a clinic in Spain, he provided a sample.
Roll on a while, she wasn't pregnant. She returns to the clinic with ex boyf who provides a sample - she gets pregnant.

She tells hubby it's his baby. They split up when baby is 6 months old.
She continues the lies, and he pays £80k in maintenance.

She should be in prison in my opinion. Surely that is fraud??

Original poster
TwinkieTwinkle · 20/03/2015 14:10

I don't really see what is so difficult to understand.

If I were a morally bankrupt individual and just didn't tell him it wasn't 'his' - it would still be 'his', they would still be father and child. It's about children, not biology.

It would not be your decision to make, it would be the fathers decision to decide if they were father and child.

OP posts:
Maiyakat · 20/03/2015 14:10

If they were married when the child was born, then surely he automatically had PR for the child whether biologically his or not? Yes it's horrible deception but legally the child was his. Whether that's how the law should be is a whole different issue....

superwoofer · 20/03/2015 14:10

I don't think anyone, least of all me, would claim she is anything other than wrong, wrong, wrong for concealing the fact that it was not biologically his child. But humanity does not fit into units of calculation.

Parents make these awful messes, and it is the children who pay the biggest bill.

wannabe if during IVF I was implanted with eggs that were subsequently proven not to be my own, due to the skulduggery of my partner, and I brought that child up before the lie came out, yes I would carry on doing so, because I would be its mother.

squoosh · 20/03/2015 14:11

And that's why I feel sorry for the child. He has no say in whether the relationship continues.

Original poster
TwinkieTwinkle · 20/03/2015 14:13

if during IVF I was implanted with eggs that were subsequently proven not to be my own, due to the skulduggery of my partner, and I brought that child up before the lie came out, yes I would carry on doing so, because I would be its mother.

Not everyone would feel that way though. Particularly people who have been knowingly deceived, like this man.

OP posts:
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 20/03/2015 14:14

On Radio 4 just now they had an interview with the husband's words read out by a producer. The impression given was that his ex-wife had cut all contact with him and his family so that none of them could now see the little boy. He was 3 when his mother decided to turn his world upside down by telling her ex that he wasn't the boy's father. Unforgivable.

Number3cometome · 20/03/2015 14:15

I think it would have been different had the child been living with Dad for a few years before they split up, but the baby was just 6 months old.

She deliberately waited until the child was 5 before she admitted the truth to ensure she had that money coming in.

Fuck i've got an ex who only has to pay £6.72 a week for my two children and I couldn't even take that if I had any uncertainty over the parenthood.

superwoofer · 20/03/2015 14:15

twinkle - to the child at least, they would still be father and child. That is my belief, not a 'decision' I made.

In our case (and you have lifted that phrase from my description of our case) if I were wicked enough to have done this, nothing would fundamentally change in the relationship between my DS and my DH.

Number3cometome · 20/03/2015 14:17

Nothing would change in the relationship perhaps, but the non-father should not have foot the bill, the biological father should.

She duped money from him for her own benefit.

A child does not need £80k!!!!

expatinscotland · 20/03/2015 14:18

To some people, it is about biology. That doesn't make them a bad person.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 20/03/2015 14:18

Mind you, that bit about the agreement is exceedingly odd.

Original poster
TwinkieTwinkle · 20/03/2015 14:19

woofer in your opinion, not necessarily in his. You may want the relationship to stay the same but husband might not.

OP posts:
seriouslypeedoff · 20/03/2015 14:19

So she didn't tell him she used another donor, took his money (80k in 3 years) let him build a relationship with the boy and then cut all contact using his lack or biological link to child as a reason for cutting off contact. She clearly doesn't care about the childs feelings and this man has no contact with him. So he isn't hurting the boy by asking for his money, that was taken fraudulently.

To all the people who disagree with the man actions. Would you let an ex who you gave 80k to help bring up a child you have found out wasn't yours and could not see, keep the 80k? What would you be saying if it was your OH? 'oh let her keep it, chalk it down to experience?'

Number3cometome · 20/03/2015 14:22

seriouslypeedoff

Exactly.

Sadly, I think if this was a woman who had been conned out of £80k by a man, there would be some very different opinions on here.

kickassangel · 20/03/2015 14:23

The clinic they went to is also a part of this. My DD is the happy result of assisted fertility, and when we were attending the clinc there were very strict rules about this. There is no way I could have been married to DH, used him as my partner for one round of treatment, then turned up months later with a different partner. I suspect that there is no legal redress against the clinic, but it is astounding that this happened at all.

Original poster
TwinkieTwinkle · 20/03/2015 14:24

Number3cometome I have no doubt that you are right. I honestly don't feel that there is any way to defend this woman. She knowingly did this. Devious witch.

OP posts:
superwoofer · 20/03/2015 14:25

twinkly, sadly, in this world, my opinion is only ever my opinion, although if I had my way, it would be subsequently written in stone.

Original poster
TwinkieTwinkle · 20/03/2015 14:27

woofer I wish I could do that with my opinions. Life would be so much simpler!Grin

OP posts:
Number3cometome · 20/03/2015 14:28

Kissass indeed, but did she admit who the ex boyfriend was or did he pose as the husband?

iHAVEtogetoutofhere · 20/03/2015 14:28

I feel sorry for the child too.

I know of a situation where couple have first child.
3 years later woman has affair and leaves husband.
Becomes pregnant and has 2nd child but 'real' father of that child dies in RTA when child is 3 months old.
Woman returns to husband with new baby.
Baby is sent to school with husbands name but she refuses to let him formally adopt child, even though he wishes to.
Child hears 'rumours' in small village and comes home asking: 'mummy, what's a bastard' (this is some years back) and it all comes out.
Child obtains birth certificate as teen and discovers has different surname to rest of family.
Mother continues to behave oddly - child 'has to be 'given away' by father' at her wedding, yet, years later when 'father' has stroke' family do not contact child to alert her as 'not your real father'. Mother makes endless comments about child not 'inheriting' if she dies before her husband as all will go to first child who has the man as his 'real father'.

What a mess.
All family dynamics messed up forever.
It is ALWAYS the child who pays the price.

Original poster
TwinkieTwinkle · 20/03/2015 14:31

iHAVEtogetoutofhere I have to agree with you. The sad thing he though is it could have been avoided. The mother did this deliberately, it didn't need to happen.

OP posts:
iHAVEtogetoutofhere · 20/03/2015 14:31

Sorry, that all came flooding out!

I think, as they had IVF, ALL parties would have known the parentage. Clinics are pretty careful, usually.

If she genuinely conned him out of the money of course she should return it all.

More importantly though, that boy has lost his 'father' and you cant put a price on that. Sad

Number3cometome · 20/03/2015 14:36

Looks more like Mum took the father away!

Total vile woman.